It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 3

The day after the date with Matthew. Halloween.

I send a text to Marcus whom I was texting last night after the date, but fell asleep. I sent him a picture of me with a chocolate ghost and scared face. A bit playful.

I’d had a hard night with other goings on in my life and as I was sat discussing said goings on with my parents, I receive a message from Marcus.

Word for word, this is what it said.

Marcus: “I’m currently at a children’s Halloween party. My cousins child, a very sugary affair. Something strange has just happened though. It turns out that you went on a  date with my other cousin last night. Haha. Matthew. Which is so unlikely and strange.”

Errrrrrr, I’m sorry? What did you just say?!

Me: ” That’s ridiculous. What are the chances”

Matthew: “Yeah pretty weird. Im not sure how I feel about it. I think you’re really nice but it would be too weird to go out again. I think.”

I literally have no words. No. Words.

Of all the people, in all the world, why oh dear god why did the only two people I’ve liked in the last six months or so have to be COUSINS!? I had no idea. There was NO indication at any point that they were related. They didn’t look the same, didn’t talk the same, didn’t live in the same places, had different surnames, were different ages. HOW was I supposed to know?

Needless to say I am upset. Embarrassed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Even though Marcus has said it’s not my fault. I never in a million years expected this to be the case. I feel like I’m in an episode of Poldark.

Why? Just why?

I would have rather spoken to Marcus over the phone to hear his reasoning and just talk it out or even say goodbye over the phone, but he hasn’t messaged since he said it wasn’t my fault.

As for Matthew? Who knows. I’ve heard nothing, and don’t expect to if I was being honest. He probably wants to get as far as humanly possible away from me. I feel like I have to start all over again. My hopes are in tatters. I will, almost certainly pick myself within the next few days and get back on the wagon (or at least I hope to) but for now, tonight I am expecting to mourn the loss of two great guys I would have hopefully had the chance to get to know better.

I guess now I’ll never know who could have been more.

If anything changes, expect un update in the future. Part 4; the conclusion.

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It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 2

As you may remember, Marcus had asked me out on a second date, and I was still talking to Matthew.

Marcus decided to mix it up the second time around. Instead of an evening dinner date he went for an old classic; the cinema. He wanted to pick me and take me (which I found very gentlemanly) so we arranged to go one afternoon a week or so after the first date.

Again, we had a great time. Well I thought we did anyway; I can’t really speak for him. We went for a coffee and a bite to eat before the film started. Again the conversation flowed and we laughed while we sat outside in the crisp autumn air sipping our warm drinks and hearty soup. The film was enjoyable and we giggled uncontrollably together when he accidentally spilt popcorn all over me, probably much to the rest of the cinema’s annoyance. It was another great date.

Unfortunately I had a stinking cold so when it came to the goodbye at the end, a peck on the cheek was as many germs as I was willing to transfer. In retrospect if I hadn’t had a cold I would have braved it and gone for a kiss on the lips. And his eyes we fascinating to me; this beautiful deep hazel I just wanted to stare into.

All I can say now is thank god I didn’t.

By now with Matthew we’ve gotten to the point where I’m hinting quite heavily that I’d like to meet him in person. I don’t see the problem with dating more than one guy at once because:

  1. One, two, or even three dates is not enough time to get to know someone enough to know if you want to be in a relationship with them, AND
  2. How are you going to know who you really like if you don’t have at least one other to compare them to in the same process?

So, a week after date numero dos with Marcus, whilst still conversing with him over the phone, I went on a date with Matthew.

This was yesterday.

He made the effort, chose the pub to go for a drink in, and arranged a time with me.

I’m not going to lie. When I arrived there, it was probably the most nervous I’d ever been for a date. Purely because unbeknown to Matthew, I’d been hoping this would eventually happen for a while. My legs were shaking when I arrived, purely from the pressure I had built it up to be in my head. That, coupled with a pair of heels spelt out almost certain catastrophe for me.

Really though, Matthew had been late off the starting block. In the time Marcus had taken to chat to me, move the conversation to phone, and go on two separate dates, this was the first out-of-work meeting I was having with Matthew after 6 weeks of messaging. But I had to know. I’d spent so long investing into meeting him so I could figure out if I genuinely liked him, I couldn’t not go. If for nothing other than my own piece of mind.

It in fact turned out to be a good date also (again as far as I could tell from my end). The conversation flowed, and within a couple of minutes I felt at ease. I’m so pleased I invested the effort to meet him because I think I misjudged Matthew. I thought he was super confident, perhaps knew he was attractive and was maybe even, dare I say it, a bit boring. But talking to him in person was much better than it’d been via message. I wasn’t sure if he’d picked up on the flirting via text, or the banter. In person however he showed himself to be much more playful, and a good laugh. His smile was still to die for.

We went our separate ways with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Within twenty minutes of the date being over he had already messaged, and wished me a nice evening, sending me a fun picture of him carving pumpkins. ‘This is a good sign’,  I thought.

Meanwhile that same evening, I was also messaging Marcus, who had been away that weekend. By this point, I wasn’t sure about either of them. Both had been great on dates. Marcus had the lead, but both guys possessed the qualities I was looking for in a man. They both fitted the bill.

After only one meeting with Matthew and two with Marcus, I still felt it was too early to tell if I wanted anything with either of them, and decided I was going to play it by ear. I just wanted to see where they’d go, no pressure. I still feel scared about opening up my heart fully to someone else for fear of it being the wrong thing, or getting my heart broken like last time. I just wanted to take things slow.

But no. Now that’s all changed.

 

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 1.

It’s a bit too early to tell this story but it’s so ridiculously unbelievable I just need to write this as it’s happening. The night it’s happening. I may not post it for a few days but this was written as it occurred, and will continue to be written as it occurs.

As far as writing a dating blog goes, this is SOLID GOLD. I couldn’t have predicted this, or made this up it’s just so weird. So unexpected. So bloody annoying.

I’m sitting here half an hour after reading the text that lead me to this  blog, and I still can’t quite believe it. Every time I think about it I just think  ‘This could only happen to me. What are the chances!?’

Lets start from the start.

I had fancied someone I knew from work for a while. We shall call him Matthew. You know when you just know you fancy someone? It doesn’t happen very often to me but when it does I can tell. He had the most gorgeous smile and warm brown eyes. I would speak to him professionally, knowing that he would never be a prospect because of work rules. So I admired from afar.

A year or so ago I came across him on Match.com. Then again on POF. Then again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign; perhaps it wasn’t just coincidence.

So being the random impulsive person that I am I took it upon myself last christmas to send him a message. Completely innocent, a kind of Love Actually moment. You know the bit I mean? When Kiera Knightly’s husbands best friend is standing outside pretending it’s carol singers, with boards telling her how her really feels knowing he can’t act on them? Yes, that bit.

I was polite, and just told him he seemed like a nice guy and if he’d like to I’d be interested to get to know him better. He replied, and we would have met up but christmas came and went, and the next thing I’m being told is that he was going to get back with his ex.

‘OK, no biggy‘ I thought. I left it at that and told him nothing would change; I would still be professional towards him at work.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and we matched on Tinder. Four. Consecutive. Times. I have a habit of deleting my account after a week realising I’m bored and no-one EVER talks, then in a moment of weakness start up my account again. Obviously I wasn’t going to swipe left on him…but I wasn’t expecting him to swipe right on me after he declined previously. But, he did swipe right. Four separate times. Deliberately.

This time round however I wasn’t going to message. The ball was in his court. And to my surprise he messaged me! “Yey!”you might say. Oh…..you wait.

Around the same time, I also matched with another guy on Tinder. We shall call him Marcus. Now Marcus was good fun right off the bat. He had interesting pictures, good conversation, and I was able to flirt with him and joke around. He was extremely fun to chat to and I felt a connection. Now Marcus didn’t beat around the bush. After a few exchanges back and forth over the course of a few days, he asked me out. By this time I’d already ascertained he was one of the most interesting people I’d spoken to on Tinder, nay, any dating site since joining them. He reminded me of Frank (see previous blog here), but much more confident in his approach to dating. In fact I’d go so far as to say he had the dating lingo down and he was very clear in his approach.

So, we went on a date. A yummy dinner date at a Pan Asian and Sushi restaurant, followed by a drink at a pub. I could not fault him. He dressed well, he spoke well, the conversation flowed. We shared similar interests, had a similar intellect, shared similar dreams and ambitions. We laughed, we drank, we enjoyed each others company. It was probably the best first date I’ve had so far. And we got on well; the connection was real.

The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure if I fancied him or not. But hey, I’d only met him once and I’ve learnt that if you’re not sure, that’s not a reason not to see someone again. Love and attraction comes with time and he ticked pretty much every other box so I was going to give Marcus a fighting chance.

I should mention that while this was going on Matthew and I were on and off chatting, but I hadn’t managed to move the conversation to texting, a phone call, or a date. The texts were sporadic but he’d told me what his working week was like, so I trusted him when he said he was really busy with work and didn’t go on Tinder much. Eventually, we spoke via text message. But by this point Marcus had already asked me out on a second date.

More to come, keep an eye out xx

 

Baby Got Back.

Hello!

Wow. It has been AGES since I updated my blog! Apologies.

Honestly, I just fancied a break from the whole dating thing. After a while it becomes like social media; an automatic reflex to do on your phone, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be free from the commitments of checking my profile, updating photos, deleting messages from people who can only be bothered to say “hi”.

I can confidently say it was great…for a while.

I got my life back! Suddenly I found myself making my time much more productive. I started a crochet project and made a cute elephant for my friends baby. I did more exercise. I worried less about what people thought about me and just enjoyed doing things for me. There was no pressure to make an effort with men online and it was empowering. I was on a dating holiday; a hiatus from the stresses of keeping up POF, Tinder and OK Cupid appearances. I was sunning myself up on the hypothetical beach of the island ‘Nondatius’.

I spent a good three months not worrying about dating and began to feel more like me again, without the annoying thoughts of:

Do I like this guy? Should I go on another date with him? Why isn’t he relpying? Oh wait it’s only been an hour. Three days later..WHY isn’t he replying!? Maybe I should message him…NO countrygil, NO. Don’t you dare! You are worth more than that and you don’t want to appear desperate. OH but why won’t he reply? Whats wrong with me? Why can I not seem to find someone decent?  I think my heads going to explode…AAARRRRGGGH!!!

Etc, Etc.

Problem was, I wasn’t really meeting anyone new either. I always thought, and hoped, that when I do meet my match it would be organically. There’d be no online dating involved…Drifts off into a romantic dreamy daze…I bump into someone in the post office, dropping my letters all over the floor. He helps me pick them up and then as we rise together we look into each others eyes and get that instant click of chemistry. Or through a friend, or maybe even through work. A spontaneous arrival at my workplace to ask me out. A phone call offering to take me out to dinner. You know, good old fashioned dating. Where a guy chases a girl, where he knows how to behave whilst still having a cheeky flirt. Does anyone else have this problem? Not being able to meet people in day to day life?

Perhaps that will still happen. Perhaps it won’t. But regardless, meeting men in this day and age just doesn’t seem very easy.

So, after three lovely men-free months I’ve decided to brave it again, if for nothing other than more dating practice and for when Mr Right comes along. Oh, and of course for you blogging amusement!

I’ve still got a few stories up my sleeve so stay tuned for much more regular posts than there has been recently.

As always, comments are always welcome. Would love to hear of similar experiences of people who don’t particularly like online dating but can’t seem to meet men otherwise.

See you soon!

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #11- Hands Off My Popcorn!

Well good day to you fine sir/lady.

Welcome to another instalment of Thedatebookblog! Now this is a story all about how, a guy went way too fast and freaked me out, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I had to stop it all before marriage was in the air.

Slightly different tale to usual this time as I actually met this guy “organically”. That is to say there were no computers of any kind used in the initial meeting of this person. He was living with someone from work (Samantha, Sam for short) who I had volunteered to be a guinea pig for as she was learning a new hobby and needed wiling subjects.

Before I’d even met him I had built up an idea of what this guy might be like, as the first time I saw Sam for her to practice on me I had been discussing my ex and what I didn’t want in a man anymore; plays on xbox all the time, no ambition, watches TV al the time, etc. She had gone “Oh that sounds a bit like Tom who lives here, he likes his games and tv series”.

“Riiiiigggghhhhttt” I had thought, and then it had exited my mind as fast as it had entered it.

The next time I went to see her I met Tom in the kitchen whilst she was “getting the room ready”. Getting the room ready, phuh! I now realise it was all just a plan to put me in a room with Tom so we’d start talking! He was a nice guy to chat to. He had a lovely smile. He was engaging, and friendly, and easy to talk to. After about 15 minutes of being in the kitchen with him and learning a little about why he lived with my friend, the room was ready and he left us to it. Again, as soon as he’d left I thought nothing of it really, just that he seemed like a nice guy.

A few days later I had to text Sam to let her know how I was feeling about her treatment.

“Tom’s been talking about you last night and how lovely you were. I think he’d like to ask you out! Can I give him your number?”

“Sure” I replied. Seeing as this was the first nice guy I’d met and not even online it was definitely worth a go.

For some reason one date wasn’t enough to organise to start with so I ended up making plans to see Tom on a Saturday for a coffee in town, then again the following Friday for a cinema trip. The first date went pretty well! He was friendly, warm, and interesting. We talked about everything under the sun, I learnt about his family, his past, our interests and hobbies. Unfortunately despite him being a lovely genuine guy I wasn’t sure if I felt any romantic chemistry towards him and I picked up on quite a few differences between us.

But, the second date had already been line up and I needed to figure out whether there was any romantic chemistry there.

As Tuesday came around I began to get nervous as he’d been a little “hands on” at the first date which I wasn’t used to. He’d also text me very shortly afterwards saying how he’d had a fantastic time, how time had flown by, how we’ve got so much more still to talk about, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again. Don’t get me wrong that was all very nice to hear, but because I wasn’t sure I found it a bit heavy after one meeting. I was tempted to text and say I didn’t think meeting again was a good idea, but I received a text saying he’d already booked and paid for the tickets. I was going whether I was considering backing out or not.

Friday evening arrived and we had arranged for him to pick me up at a nearby supermarket. From the moment we had an initial hug to say hello I don’t think his hand left contact with some part of my body for most of the remaining evening. From walking the short distance to the car with his hand on the small of my back, to touching my thigh periodically on the way to the cinema, to again the small of my back from the car park to the cinema; it didn’t stop.

I know I know, I get it. He was just showing his interest, and if it had been every now and then I would have found it a nice gesture. But the fact that on every other date I’d been on that hadn’t happened, and the fact it was a little too often for my liking made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do really so I just didn’t touch him in any way similar; I didn’t want to give him any signs that I liked it or wanted more of it.

The conversation continued to flow nicely. I paid for the popcorn and drinks to say thank you, and he was even sweet enough to buy me a book for a flight I was taking a few days later.

We were waiting outside the cinema when he mentioned if I was a fan of Star Wars.

Me: “Not really I’m afraid”

Tom: “Well I was just wondering because my sister, her partner and I are going to go and watch it when it comes out and I asked if I could bring you along.”

Me: “You want me to meet your family on the third date?”

Tom: “No, just my sister and her partner”

I’m sorry, but that’s family! There’s other reasons too about parents but I won’t go into them.

Me: “Well like I said I’m not much of a Star Wars fan so lets discuss it when I’m back from my holiday.”

And it was left at that. The doors opened and we were allowed to our seats for the film.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I go to the cinema I go to WATCH the film. I like to completely lose myself in whats on the screen, be part of it all, get enthralled in the plot. I can’t chat when it’s on, and other things that supposedly happen between a guy and a girl in a cinema are lost on me.

So we’re in the cinema, the film has begun, and there’s a large armrest between us upon with which our popcorn is sitting. My left elbow is resting on the armrest to support my head which I’m using my left hand to support, and I’m really getting into the film. When out of the corner of my eye I can see Tom changing his arm position so that his left hand is on the armrest too. I continue to watch the film but on three occasions, all of which I ignore, he strokes my elbow to try and get me to do something, I’m not sure what. Hold his hand maybe? I don’t know but I’ve made my mind up by this point.

Anyway I try to regain my focus on the film I’ve been wanting to watch for ages. A jumpy part arrives and because I’d read the book I knew what was going to happen. So I’m sat there anticipating this big jump, which despite my best efforts still makes me leap out of the chair, and Tom is again touching my arms comforting me as though I’m a damsel in distress. Again I just try to brush it off and we manage to go through the rest of the film with just the odd elbow stroke.

As we leave discussing the film, the small of my back receives an all too familiar hand.

The car journey back is uneventful and we discuss our tastes in music. Then comes the goodbye. Oh man, I’m not good at goodbyes on first dates let alone second dates!

I go in for the hug in the car, as does he. I lean out of the hug, he doesn’t. I fumble and apologise for it being awkward, he laughs it off. I give him the quickest peck on the lips I’ve ever done in my life before thanking him for the evening and closing the car door on his outstretched arm that was going for my leg.

An hour or so passes and I get another text after. Again he’s exclaiming how he had the best time, how he can’t wait to see me, how he feels its fate we’ve met. That’s when I decide it would be unkind of me to allow any further dates or hopes to be on the cards.

I text the next day explaining how he’s a genuinely lovely guy but I don’t feel any romantic connection and would only see us being friends. He tries to keep the hope alive and apologises for being too keen he just really likes me, and I feel like the worst person in the world, but I stick to my guns and wish him all the best.

I know. I could have gone with the flow and just let him touch me. I could have settled for someone who liked me lots just to have someone and not be single, but there was too much uncommon ground. We shared too few common interests and I wasn’t romantically attracted to him. Surely it would have been meaner to keep providing him with false hope? I don’t want to settle for someone who’s not right this time around.

If you’re reading this Tom, I do genuinely think you are lovely and I wish you all good things. Just not with me.

Hope you enjoyed the blog and as always if there’s any comments people would like to share please do post below; always enjoy reading and replying.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #10- Eye’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester

Hi Guys!

It’s been a LONG time since I blogged, apologies. I have no excuse…I find blogging a bit like exercise; once you stop for a couple of days/weeks, it’s really hard to get back into the swing of it!

But here I am. Back with some more dating stories to tell, and some more slightly more personal posts to write. “YEY!” I hear you say…too right! So lets get started shall we?

Match.com I must admit hasn’t harboured that many dates for me, or messages for that matter. Most of the people I speak to are from Plenty of Fish, and this is one such person. I shall call him…Stuart.

The conversation began like most others. I think I initiated the contact and began making small talk and showing interest in things he’d mentioned in his profile. He said he ran his own business which I was intrigued to find out was to do with Agriculture (tick!), he was interesting to talk to, had a degree (tick!), and had travelled/lived abroad (tick tick!). I thought “Finally! Someone decent!”.

A few days into talking online he asked if I’d like to go out for a drink, to which I agreed. Now I don’t like to brag about myself, and for those of you who know me I very rarely do. However…I had just bought some new clothes and I had recently got into wearing lipstick (a revelation for me, I’d only been a glosser before); I was looking hot! I felt good, I felt I looked good. I was ready for this date!

The pub we were meeting at was a bit of a trek but I arrived on time, as did he. We briefly met outside and before I knew it we were sitting at a table with drinks at the ready. I was pretty nervous to be honest. Right before the start of a date I usually get quite apprehensive and this time was no different. However the conversation flowed smoothly, and we both had lots to say. There was laughter, banter, and I liked him. Not sure I was particularly attracted to him though and there was one main reason for this…his eyes.

Not because he didn’t have nice ones, he did. Not because he had anything wrong with them, he didn’t. Purely because for about 90% of the time we were on the date he was looking at my forehead. I have NO idea why! I checked in the mirror during a toilet break and there was definitely nothing on it, but for some reason eye contact seemed to elude him.

I don’t know if anyone out there has had this and I’m sure there are a few of you but let me tell you it is the most off-putting thing during a conversation! There I am making as much eye contact as possible to show I’m interested in what he’s saying, yet within the space of about 5 minutes I get proper eye contact for a maximum of 5 seconds. What the fudge?

Perhaps I was intimidating. Perhaps he was nervous. Perhaps my face offended him. I don’t know, but he kind of did me a favour. Because at the end of the night when we said our goodbyes, got a text to make sure I got home ok, and when I never heard a peep from him gain (which I didn’t), I wasn’t particularly upset. But how bizarre…why would you not look at someone when talking to them!?

Whats probably more amusing and embarassing (which I am responsible for), is that after a month or so I happened to stumble across him on Match.com, and decided to ask for feedback on the date so I know for the future how I can improve! Why oh why I did that I’ll never know, and I wish I didn’t but hey, if you don’t ask you never know right? Needless to say I didn’t get a response, and he disappeared from my dating radar forever.

So a lesson to all the men out there; make eye contact!

Until the next time (I promise it won’t be long this time!),

Countrygirl x

Close Encounters Of The 1st Kind

Well I talked that up didn’t I…They say thoughts create your reality and perhaps my last blog did just that.

Today, for the first day since he walked out the door never to return, I saw him. I was on my way to work and despite never in a year and a half ever seeing him anywhere, there he was. An early morning drive by from me as he walked to work. I knew it was him before I even got close. I could recognise his trainers a mile away. I knew his walk like the back of my hand. His hair was similar but slightly different. As soon as I saw his head turn slightly I knew it was my ex.

I kept my hands on the wheel, slightly panicking as my car was approaching and did the only thing I could think of in that moment; I didn’t look. I drove like it was any other day. I tried not to look in my mirrors. I hoped he hadn’t recognised the car although I imagine he probably did. My body was going through the usual motions. My autopilot steering me to work was ticking away nicely. But I felt sick to my stomach. Butterflies of nerves washed over me like a wave. My breathing changed.

Before I knew it the feelings I thought I’d let go of, that day when he left, came flooding back. They were filtered somewhat, not quite so paralysingly pungent as before but still recognisable. Hurt. Betrayal. Loneliness. Worthlessness. Longing for someone/something that’s no longer there. That I couldn’t stop looking at with rose-tinted glasses.

It affected me for the majority of the day despite my best efforts. I did what I needed to to get it out of my system. I texted friends, I almost cried at work, I got on with things. When I was distracted it was fine. But that image of seeing him there this morning was like a cloud hanging over me.

I tried to use it at lunch to help push me during my workout at the gym. I kept forgiving him in my head, sending him love and best wishes, hoping he was happy as though I was having a conversation with him face to face. I sent him only happy thoughts.

But I was disappointed in myself. I’d come so far. I’d grown so much. It felt like a backwards step when I thought I was almost at a place where I could be over it. I began to question that perhaps I wasn’t. It left me feeling deflated and empty. Can you believe it…all this from a single sighting of him. I didn’t look him in the eye, I didn’t have to speak to him, yet here they were, these feelings were trying to ruin my day. And they almost succeeded. Almost.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight. Unfortunately he had to cancel but I wasn’t willing to go home after work. I’d been wanting to see a film named “How to be single” for a while but I hadn’t had the time or people hadn’t been free. So I did what I wanted. I had a date night with myself. I took myself to the cinema in massively clashing gym clothes (because I wasn’t willing to be seen in my work clothes out and about) and had a GREAT time!

That film was exactly what I needed. Spending time with me doing something I wanted to do was exactly what I needed. And I’m beginning to love cinema dates with myself!

I was scared about watching the movie. From the trailers I had watched I thought it was going to be about drinking, sex, more drinking and more sex. I’m not that kind of person so that would have made me feel even worse about being single as though I wasn’t doing it right. But it was the complete opposite. It appealed to every type of single person out there. Everyone being single in their own ways, no one doing it wrong or right; no judgement. It was so uplifting, side-achingly funny, and inspirational.

It made me realise how great my life is and how my previous posts about the positives of being single are true; this is truly a time to be cherished. I have so much less free time now than I’ve ever had because I’m doing so much more with it. I work in three different places. I have so many wonderful groups of friends. I’ve made so many more new friends as a result of being single. I’ve been travelling to places I don’t think I would have been able to if I’d stayed in that relationship; Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Barcelona, Berlin, New York, France. Trips with friends instead of just me and him. And I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

I volunteer, I meditate, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise more, I go out more, I read more. There’s so much more to just finding someone. NOW is the time for me to find myself. NOW is my time. I may never get this again! I may never be single like this again.

I’ve come home after singing in the car at the top of my lungs to a feeling of satisfaction in my life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. And I really don’t feel like I want anyone at the moment. I choose to be single. I want to carry on developing myself.

It makes me want to delete my Plenty of Fish profile, and I may well do! It makes me want to take a break from Match.com (and if they hadn’t screwed me over for another 6 months subscription I probably would!).

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and it’s ended on a high thanks to a date night with myself, and a fantastic film.

If any of you singles need a pick me up, go watch it. I promise you it will fill you with happiness.

 

Please feel free to leave any comments; love hearing from you.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #8 – Singledom: Part 2

Welcome to the second instalment of why being single can be pretty darn awesome!

So in the continuing theme from yesterdays post lets get right down to it!

Singledom Lesson #3 -There is no rush!

I used to sit around thinking to myself “I’m going to be alone forever…I’m going to be single for the rest of my life…I’m never going to have a boyfriend again or get married or do all the things I want to do with someone else”.

Do you know what I’ve realised in my year and four months of being single? I’ve not really in the grand scheme of things even been single that long! People go years without having another relationship. Men and women who have lost their life-long partners sometimes decide to never let love in again, some people decide to be single for their entire lives. I need to chill the F out! I’m 27 for crying out loud with hopefully a good 50+ years ahead of me yet there I was with this somber attitude about being single.

Well folks thats all changed. Sure I get moments where thoughts like that may cross my mind but I am confident that at some point in my life I will find someone I love again. I have faith and am comforted by the thought that sometime, someday, probably in the way I least expect, that it will happen. As they say, what you think creates your reality and despite those occasional worried thoughts, I believe with that one solid, true, belief that I hold about finding love again, that love will find me.

It provides me with the most valuable asset we all try to get as much of as possible; time.

Without the worry of “will I ever find someone” it switches my thinking back to being grateful again. Grateful that I have this time of being single to do the things I want to do with my life before I share them with someone else. To have time for myself. To do the things I’ve always wanted to do before I may not be able to in the future.

I now look at being single as a treasured time, a precious phase of opportunity which I should grasp with both hands and use to live life to the fullest.

Singledom Lesson #4 – Taking Opportunities

Friends:

“Hey fancy going on holiday with me this year?”

“Fancy going to this festival with me?”

“Would you like to come travelling with me round this country?”

Yes, yes, and hell yes!

There’s no thought required anymore. If there’s something fun being offered and I have the funds to be able to do it, I’m there. Do I have to consult with my partner to make sure I can go? No. Do I have to worry about if I have enough money so that we’re both comfortable with finances? No. My money is my money. My time is free to spend as I wish.

Do I want to learn a new hobby? Sign Language? Learn to paint? Sure lets do it!

Since becoming single I have done more than I have in the 3 years being in a relationship since university. I’ve travelled to more places in a year than I can remember, been to my first music festival, spent more time with friends and family, taken up a new pastime, tried new things. Life has so much to give to someone, anyone in fact not just single people. But being single has opened my eyes up to all the possibilities. I have more life ambitions that ever before, and I love the freedom I currently have.

I feel like the options are limitless at the moment. If I wanted to up and move across the other side of the world, I could! I won’t, but I could…

Singledom Lesson #5- Working on myself

I’d been in a relationship since I was 16. I would be confident in certain aspects of life; I knew with enough work I could succeed in a career. I could chat to people despite having social anxiety. University helped me come out of my shell the most. But I can honestly say I don’t think I ever truly loved myself, or even began to love myself at all. I always put others first. I would put myself down with negative thoughts about my self image, my appearance, how I would never be attractive, how I wasn’t really wanted there when I hung out with my friends.

Since becoming single, I have begun to learn how to truly love myself. Im not there yet by any means but had I stayed in that relationship I would have never come across such inspirational friends and writers to help me on the path to self love. Louise Hay is an inspiration to me. I read a lot of self help books about how to be a better person e.g. How to Make Friends and Influence People, The Power of Now.

I took a long hard honest look at myself and my life. I went to therapy; something I never thought I’d do or even need.

Affirmations and being kind to myself have changed my life. All because I became single.

I still get anxious about social situations. I still worry about my appearance. I think that’s only human. But the difference between myself then, and now, is a marked improvement and I’m excited to continue using my free time as a singleton to further develop my self love and love for others.

 

There’s still more to come; I’m not done with how great being single is just yet so keep your eyes peeled for another blog soon. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to comment. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

CountryGirl x

How NOT to chat to a woman online – Part 2

Hi Everyone, hope you’re enjoying your evening!

Thought I’d interrupt the flow of the blog posts to give you another much anticipated dose of ridiculous and humorous things people have written to me as their opening lines. I honestly don’t understand the mindset of man zombies. It seems like these people are incapable of having a normal conversation with a woman.

Be prepared to potentially react with “WHAT!?”s, “Oh My God”s, and whole lot of “Oh Dear”s!

 

Man Zombie 11: “Hey, do you like feet?”

Me: “Of all the things you could have asked me you decide to see if I like feet? Thanks but no thanks, good luck.”

Man Zombie 11: “Guess you don’t then”

Man Zombie 12: “Hey, I know I’m not your type but can we talk? Please?”

So…. you’re already telling me I’m not your type, and then you’re begging me to talk to you? Good start man zombie, good start…

Me: “No thanks”

Man Zombie 12: “Im sorry”

Errr why? I don’t get it.

Two hours later…

Man Zombie 12: “Ur Amazing”

Oh dear lord.

Man Zombie 13: “Do you like black panties?”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 14: “Do you swallow”

Me: “WOW ok you’re a douche, good luck with that.”

Man Zombie 14: “Was a joke”

Me: “Oh, and I’ve reported you.”

Man Zombie 15: “What’s the difference between me and a pull out sofa? The Sofa pulls out and I don’t. Do you want me to show you?”

Friend: “Oh, well, If you don’t pull out…no”

Man Zombie 16: “Wanna see a thick 11inch? :)”

Me: “Like they exist!”

Well that’s all for now folks, if I get any more funny ones I’ll let you know :-). Happy Saturday, thanks for reading and please feel free to comment below.

 

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #5 – Catch Me If You Can…Part 3

Welcome to the final instalment of Catch Me If You Can!

I do apologise for not posting this sooner however I’ve been on holiday and haven’t been able to post.

So Previously…

I finally was asked out by Frank, only to be pretty much stood up at the last minute before he went back offshore. After confronting him about if I was wasting my time, him dodging the question and a week of not replying, I eventually received a “best you meet other folk, it’s been short and sweet” message.

Well for one it wasn’t short! I’d never invested such a long amount of time in someone never to even meet them; 7 weeks to be exact! Not short in terms of getting a first date, wouldn’t you agree?

Second, is wasn’t sweet. It was fun, but also downright frustrating at times.

A week or so passed after I got that message and my main mission was to not text him, as I had been instructed to do by pretty much everyone. But I wasn’t prepared for the rejection that comes with dating. I can’t explain why I liked Frank after how much he’d messed me around, but I just did. I hadn’t had such a good flow of conversation, such a strong feeling that if we met we’d get on well. It was one of those things were you just have a feeling about someone, and I wasn’t ready to let go of that.

At the same time I didn’t want to degrade myself any further. I’d chased him when it should have been the other way around, I’d been told time and time again by people he was just playing me, but I had it in my head if I just met him it would be different.

I thought about him A LOT. I text other people so I didn’t text him. I did my upmost not to message and I came so close, but I couldn’t bear not knowing. That “what if we had met?” kept creeping into my mind and eventually led to my undoing. I didn’t really feel I had anything to lose by messaging, so it just happened. I was sick of the games and rules of dating, I just wanted to let him know how I felt.

So, against everyone’s suggestions, I did what I shouldn’t have done…

Me: ” Hey Frank, so I know you basically told me to shove off and if you’re not interested that’s fine, but I’m not into playing games so I wanted to put my cards on the table. I’m a great catch (me trying to be confident), so it’s a downright shame we never met because we seem pretty compatible. I also wanted to say thank you, because you’ve shown me I can actually find someone attractive and like them; I wondered if that would ever happen again. Basically, I really liked you. If nothing comes of this then I wish you all the best. x”

To my surprise I got a reply. The jist was that I didn’t make him feel good when I suggested I was wasting my time, and that he liked the idea of me, but couldn’t tell if he liked me unless we met. Errr that’s what I was trying to do the WHOLE TIME! Just meet him! He suggested we meet when he’s back which by this point was less than a week away, so I agreed.

There was general chit chat during the few days before he was back, and I was pleasantly surprised when he asked me out for a drink and the arcade (as we’d previously planned) the day after he got back!

This time it all went to plan. We met when we agreed, he didn’t back out, and I’ve got to be honest all the effort it took was well worth it; best time I’ve had with someone so far! I thought we would have a brief chat then get down to whipping his butt at the games but we were talking non stop for nearly 2 hours! We laughed, joked and even though Frank won at nearly everything (I let him win on a few though; I wish!) I had a really good time. And my goodness me did he have a nice physique too!

He had walked a good 30-40 minutes to get to the meeting point so I offered him a lift home. When we got to his house he invited me in…purely innocent I can assure you! He showed me how he’d renovated the place, we discussed things he’d bought, and generally chatted some more. I decided now was a good time to leave; while it was going well to hopefully entice him into another date. We said our goodbyes at the door, I said how I’d had a good time, there was a peck on the cheek, a hug and that was it.

Oh how I wish I’d kissed him properly though. Why I hear you ask?

Because I never heard a single peep from him again.

No idea why, when it was the best date I’ve had but maybe he just wasn’t into me. Whatever the reason at least I met him and got it out of my system, but it’ll take a while for it to stop bothering me.

So there we go, catch me if you can is still on the run, be cautious ladies because I was too naive, and I, nay we, are worth better than what this guy provided. I just need to actually remember that next time round!

Hope you have enjoyed this three-parter, if there are any comments would love to read them below.

Thanks, and there’s plenty more still to come!

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x