Dating Lesson #8 – Singledom: Part 2

Welcome to the second instalment of why being single can be pretty darn awesome!

So in the continuing theme from yesterdays post lets get right down to it!

Singledom Lesson #3 -There is no rush!

I used to sit around thinking to myself “I’m going to be alone forever…I’m going to be single for the rest of my life…I’m never going to have a boyfriend again or get married or do all the things I want to do with someone else”.

Do you know what I’ve realised in my year and four months of being single? I’ve not really in the grand scheme of things even been single that long! People go years without having another relationship. Men and women who have lost their life-long partners sometimes decide to never let love in again, some people decide to be single for their entire lives. I need to chill the F out! I’m 27 for crying out loud with hopefully a good 50+ years ahead of me yet there I was with this somber attitude about being single.

Well folks thats all changed. Sure I get moments where thoughts like that may cross my mind but I am confident that at some point in my life I will find someone I love again. I have faith and am comforted by the thought that sometime, someday, probably in the way I least expect, that it will happen. As they say, what you think creates your reality and despite those occasional worried thoughts, I believe with that one solid, true, belief that I hold about finding love again, that love will find me.

It provides me with the most valuable asset we all try to get as much of as possible; time.

Without the worry of “will I ever find someone” it switches my thinking back to being grateful again. Grateful that I have this time of being single to do the things I want to do with my life before I share them with someone else. To have time for myself. To do the things I’ve always wanted to do before I may not be able to in the future.

I now look at being single as a treasured time, a precious phase of opportunity which I should grasp with both hands and use to live life to the fullest.

Singledom Lesson #4 – Taking Opportunities

Friends:

“Hey fancy going on holiday with me this year?”

“Fancy going to this festival with me?”

“Would you like to come travelling with me round this country?”

Yes, yes, and hell yes!

There’s no thought required anymore. If there’s something fun being offered and I have the funds to be able to do it, I’m there. Do I have to consult with my partner to make sure I can go? No. Do I have to worry about if I have enough money so that we’re both comfortable with finances? No. My money is my money. My time is free to spend as I wish.

Do I want to learn a new hobby? Sign Language? Learn to paint? Sure lets do it!

Since becoming single I have done more than I have in the 3 years being in a relationship since university. I’ve travelled to more places in a year than I can remember, been to my first music festival, spent more time with friends and family, taken up a new pastime, tried new things. Life has so much to give to someone, anyone in fact not just single people. But being single has opened my eyes up to all the possibilities. I have more life ambitions that ever before, and I love the freedom I currently have.

I feel like the options are limitless at the moment. If I wanted to up and move across the other side of the world, I could! I won’t, but I could…

Singledom Lesson #5- Working on myself

I’d been in a relationship since I was 16. I would be confident in certain aspects of life; I knew with enough work I could succeed in a career. I could chat to people despite having social anxiety. University helped me come out of my shell the most. But I can honestly say I don’t think I ever truly loved myself, or even began to love myself at all. I always put others first. I would put myself down with negative thoughts about my self image, my appearance, how I would never be attractive, how I wasn’t really wanted there when I hung out with my friends.

Since becoming single, I have begun to learn how to truly love myself. Im not there yet by any means but had I stayed in that relationship I would have never come across such inspirational friends and writers to help me on the path to self love. Louise Hay is an inspiration to me. I read a lot of self help books about how to be a better person e.g. How to Make Friends and Influence People, The Power of Now.

I took a long hard honest look at myself and my life. I went to therapy; something I never thought I’d do or even need.

Affirmations and being kind to myself have changed my life. All because I became single.

I still get anxious about social situations. I still worry about my appearance. I think that’s only human. But the difference between myself then, and now, is a marked improvement and I’m excited to continue using my free time as a singleton to further develop my self love and love for others.

 

There’s still more to come; I’m not done with how great being single is just yet so keep your eyes peeled for another blog soon. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to comment. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

CountryGirl x

Dating Lesson #8 -Singledom: Part 1

Good evening to you all and thanks for joining!

The dating scene has been a little dry recently (oh don’t worry I’ve still got some stories to tell!) so it’s given me some time to think about where I am and about being a member of the land of singledom.

So a slightly different lesson plan today folks, but it’ll be bright and cheerful none the less.

It’s been one year and four months since I became an elite member of the singles club. I thought being single would be a handicap. I thought people would come up to me and be all “Oh, your single? Oh I’m so sorry, why can’t you seem to find a man?!”, and on the rare occasion that has happened. I thought I would be miserable, sat at home like a loner with no one to spend time with or cuddle up to. Basically I saw being single in a very negative light, probably because I hadn’t been without a boyfriend in a looooong time and the thought scared the life out of me!

Being in a relationship can be pretty darn great. Being in a relationship seems to be the socially accepted thing to do. You find someone, possibly even “settle” for someone, get married, get a house, have children. It’s the done thing for the vast majority of people and at some point in the future I hope to do those things too. Being single seems to be seen as something undesirable; a way of living that isn’t by choice but forced upon someone by the breakdown of a relationship. Something people seem to be sympathetic towards.

But you know what? Being single is pretty blooming great too!

I’ve learnt so much since becoming a single lady (All the single ladies? All the single ladies! All the single ladies? All the single ladies! Put your hands UP!), and I’d like to share with you the lessons I’ve learned so far about being unattached that make it so darn good…

Singledom Lesson #1 – Gratitude

This is the seldom most important lesson I have learnt thus far since being on my own. In the early weeks and months following my break-up, it was hard to stay upbeat all the time. In fact if you asked my friends at the time they’d probably say I was a pretty big crying mess of a person! But a simple and easy way for me to remain positive and happier came along when a friend (and the book they gave me) suggested I write a gratitude list every day of all the things in my life I was grateful for.

I can safely say this is one of the most valuable lessons I have EVER learnt. It turns my attention to all the wonderful, fantastic things and people in my life. It makes me remember everything good, simple and pure in my life. The simplest, teeny tiny things that usually get taken for granted don’t escape my focus anymore. Such basic, life-giving gifts that so rarely get thought about but that so many in the world go without. Clean water. Available food. A roof over my head. Warmth. A bed. Clothes. People who love me and who I love being part of my life.

It never ceases to make me stop and go “WOW. I am SO lucky to have all these things! I am SO lucky to have been given the opportunity for an education, to have healthcare, to be able to go to university, to have time to have fun”. And it always puts a positive spin on my day. Ever since the day I picked up that pen and wrote in my journal for the first time my gratitude list, I make one in my head or on paper every day of what I am grateful for in my life.

And I’ll never stop being grateful for that. For being given the chance to learn this lesson.

Singledom Lesson #2 – Friends and Family

I have never been more grateful for the caring, lovely, funny, wonderful friends in my life since becoming single.

I’ve never been one to ditch my friends when I’m in a relationship; I liked to have my own life outside the “us” that was my boyfriend and I.

But when you go through a break-up you realise how many friends you truly have, and I was very lucky to have lots and lots of people gather round and support me when I needed it. They stayed with me in my house to comfort me when I woke up most mornings crying, they made me laugh when I felt like curling up into a ball, they forced me to go out and socialise when all I fancied doing was staying in my house and moping. They were my ROCKS. They were, and ARE everything to me, as are my family. They are my extended family, and I don’t know what I would do without them. So if any of you are reading this, I love you a hell of a lot!

I am also more grateful than I have ever been for my family. I’ve never appreciated so much just how much they have done for me, and how deep their love goes. My pain after the breakup was their pain. My tears became their tears. My hurting heart made theirs hurt. It made me realise how deeply connected with them I am despite how much or little we tell each other we love each other out loud.

My family have never been the “I love you” sort, but we all know. Its a given between us all. If there was ever a family emergency, we’d all be there for one another in an instant. But going through a break up has highlighted how much I love them. I hug them more, I tell them more how much I value them, the bond has deepened further than I knew it could.

So again, if any of you are reading this, I love you dearly.

To be continued…

Wow I’ve said more than I was expecting and only covered two amazing parts of being single! Im itching to write the next instalment already! Stay tuned for more in the following days, and I hope this has put a smile on your face.

Thoughts and comments are always welcome 🙂

See you soon,

CountryGirl x

How NOT to chat to a woman online – Part 2

Hi Everyone, hope you’re enjoying your evening!

Thought I’d interrupt the flow of the blog posts to give you another much anticipated dose of ridiculous and humorous things people have written to me as their opening lines. I honestly don’t understand the mindset of man zombies. It seems like these people are incapable of having a normal conversation with a woman.

Be prepared to potentially react with “WHAT!?”s, “Oh My God”s, and whole lot of “Oh Dear”s!

 

Man Zombie 11: “Hey, do you like feet?”

Me: “Of all the things you could have asked me you decide to see if I like feet? Thanks but no thanks, good luck.”

Man Zombie 11: “Guess you don’t then”

Man Zombie 12: “Hey, I know I’m not your type but can we talk? Please?”

So…. you’re already telling me I’m not your type, and then you’re begging me to talk to you? Good start man zombie, good start…

Me: “No thanks”

Man Zombie 12: “Im sorry”

Errr why? I don’t get it.

Two hours later…

Man Zombie 12: “Ur Amazing”

Oh dear lord.

Man Zombie 13: “Do you like black panties?”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 14: “Do you swallow”

Me: “WOW ok you’re a douche, good luck with that.”

Man Zombie 14: “Was a joke”

Me: “Oh, and I’ve reported you.”

Man Zombie 15: “What’s the difference between me and a pull out sofa? The Sofa pulls out and I don’t. Do you want me to show you?”

Friend: “Oh, well, If you don’t pull out…no”

Man Zombie 16: “Wanna see a thick 11inch? :)”

Me: “Like they exist!”

Well that’s all for now folks, if I get any more funny ones I’ll let you know :-). Happy Saturday, thanks for reading and please feel free to comment below.

 

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #7-Dangerous Liaisons

Well hello there…

So let me tell you all about how a date could have happened but he freaked me out, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you why his texting made me block his account.

Ok enough with the Will Smith (brownie points if you got that!) Hmmm maybe I should do a rhyming rap date blog…watch this space!

I shall call him…Valentino. A charmer to begin with, he looked quite nice, he was smiling (we know how I like that), he had himself for his profile picture in a tux posing like James bond, and he was a bit different to what I’d usually go for (by that I mean he had quite a few tattoo’s). But hey, I’m open, not going to rule someone out for tattoo’s if I can help it, so we got to talking.

And it started off quite well.

Before we begin, I should just day this dating book I’ve read in the past said to me that in order to get more than just the weirdo’s messaging you, that I had to be proactive and message people first; they like that as it’s usually the man who has to make the first move. So I sent the first message and was trying to be flirty and mysterious…

Online…

Me: “Hi Valentino, I see you’ve been checking out my profile…so tell me, did you like what you saw? :-)”

Valentino: “Hey, yes I did very much, but how do I get to meet you face to face?”

Me: “You do what most people do if they want to meet, you ask me out on a date”

Valentino: “Would you do me the honour of going out for a drink with me?”

Me: “Sure, here’s my number if you wish to call me to arrange it”

He never called, but texting began immediately.

Valentino:”So did you like what you saw too? Am I the kind of guy you go for? What attracts you to a man?”

Me: “Yes I did, and no I guess my friends would say you’re not usually my type, if I even have a type! I like a man who has ambition, is loving, funny, and knows how to treat a lady. What attracts you to a woman?”

Valentino: “Confidence and a nice bum doesn’t hurt”

Alarm bell…so he’s only bothered about superficial things? Lets dig deeper…

Me: “Anything else?”

Valentino: “And sexy eyes”

Hmmm maybe there isn’t anything more to this guy…

We’d arranged a day and time to meet by this point, which was a couple of days away.

Valentino: “Can I see some more pictures of you?”

Me: “Are my four on Match not enough? It’s not long to wait then you can meet me in person”

Valentino: “So have you dated a lot of guys? Why are you single?”

Wow he’s to the point

Me: “I’ve been on some dates yes but I haven’t yet found someone I really click with, and can see it progressing with. I don’t like to lead people on if we’re not compatible. I’m not in a rush to find someone, I’m happy as I am but if someone came along that would be nice. And you?”

Valentino: “I’ve been messed around quite a bit so same really”

Oh ok, maybe he’s just trying to make sure I’m not going to mess him around too

The next day the questions continue, but there’s no flow of conversation. It’s all just messages about attractiveness and dates:

Valentino: “So have any guys made it to the third date?”

Me: “Unfortunately not no, like I said I don’t see the point of carrying on seeing someone if there’s no chemistry.”

Valentino: “Are you hard to please or something?”

Whooooaaa there boy! Crikey is that an insult or simply a question? Ok just play it cool…

Me: “No not at all, but I know what I’m looking for. Never know maybe you’ll be the first… :-)”

I later realised this was the worst thing I could have possibly said! When I told my friend later that day about how I was texting this guy but how I wasn’t sure what he was after, she read my conversation.

Friend: “You do realise what the third date means don’t you?”

Me: “No, why?”

The moment when it dawned on me what the third date meant…SEX

Me: “Oh God. I sent him back something which I didn’t realise at the time would be seen sexually! Bugger!”

In an effort to try and rectify my WAY too flirty message, I sent another text…

Me: “Just so you know, if we get to the third date I won’t be putting out so if that’s all you’re talking to me for you may as well stop talking to me now.”

Valentino: “A kiss maybe?”

Me: “Im not ruling out a kiss”

Valentino: “Fingers crossed…”

So I’m still feeling uncomfortable at this point but decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The day of the date arrives and he texts me that morning saying he has to postpone as tonight is the only night he can see his niece before christmas.

That’s quite sweet really, may be he’s not such a superficial guy

I’m understanding and we rearrange for two days later. But then the texts come again:

“So do you find me attractive? Why am I not what you’d usually go for? Pj’s or naked? Sex or chocolate?”

He sends me a picture

“So do you still fancy me?”

And by this point I’m thinking this is a bit much. I know hardly anything about this guy, he’s asking me nothing but stupid attractiveness questions, he’s either a player or he’s very self conscious about himself. Either way, thats not someone I want to date.

Valentino: “So what time shall I pick you up at yours?”

HELL NO! You are NOT finding out where I live.

That was the final this really doesn’t feel ok moment. So, he got blocked.

A day later he sends me a message on Match.

“Hey have you blocked me?”

He gets blocked on match.

He finds me on Plenty of Fish.

“Why you being rude and blocking me?”

Me: “To be perfectly honest with you Valentino I don’t think you’re what I’m after and to be blunt you scared me, hence me blocking you. I wish you luck in your search”

Valentino: “If you think I’m scary then you aint worth it and you going to be unhappy and single for a long time”

Me: “Actually, I think I’ll be just fine. And a word of advice, when you ask a girl out how about having a normal conversation with her, find out about her personality, don’t ask about her ex, her dates, or if she’ll kiss you. Don’t be so shallow. Good luck”.

BLOCKED.

Perhaps I didn’t go about it entirely the right way; I tried to give him a chance to just chat normally but it was a gut instinct and he didn’t seem right at all. They say your gut is never wrong, and it hasn’t let me down so far.

So if anyone has anyone like this in their phonebook you deserve a lot more than that.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x