Dating Lesson #8 – Singledom: Part 2

Welcome to the second instalment of why being single can be pretty darn awesome!

So in the continuing theme from yesterdays post lets get right down to it!

Singledom Lesson #3 -There is no rush!

I used to sit around thinking to myself “I’m going to be alone forever…I’m going to be single for the rest of my life…I’m never going to have a boyfriend again or get married or do all the things I want to do with someone else”.

Do you know what I’ve realised in my year and four months of being single? I’ve not really in the grand scheme of things even been single that long! People go years without having another relationship. Men and women who have lost their life-long partners sometimes decide to never let love in again, some people decide to be single for their entire lives. I need to chill the F out! I’m 27 for crying out loud with hopefully a good 50+ years ahead of me yet there I was with this somber attitude about being single.

Well folks thats all changed. Sure I get moments where thoughts like that may cross my mind but I am confident that at some point in my life I will find someone I love again. I have faith and am comforted by the thought that sometime, someday, probably in the way I least expect, that it will happen. As they say, what you think creates your reality and despite those occasional worried thoughts, I believe with that one solid, true, belief that I hold about finding love again, that love will find me.

It provides me with the most valuable asset we all try to get as much of as possible; time.

Without the worry of “will I ever find someone” it switches my thinking back to being grateful again. Grateful that I have this time of being single to do the things I want to do with my life before I share them with someone else. To have time for myself. To do the things I’ve always wanted to do before I may not be able to in the future.

I now look at being single as a treasured time, a precious phase of opportunity which I should grasp with both hands and use to live life to the fullest.

Singledom Lesson #4 – Taking Opportunities

Friends:

“Hey fancy going on holiday with me this year?”

“Fancy going to this festival with me?”

“Would you like to come travelling with me round this country?”

Yes, yes, and hell yes!

There’s no thought required anymore. If there’s something fun being offered and I have the funds to be able to do it, I’m there. Do I have to consult with my partner to make sure I can go? No. Do I have to worry about if I have enough money so that we’re both comfortable with finances? No. My money is my money. My time is free to spend as I wish.

Do I want to learn a new hobby? Sign Language? Learn to paint? Sure lets do it!

Since becoming single I have done more than I have in the 3 years being in a relationship since university. I’ve travelled to more places in a year than I can remember, been to my first music festival, spent more time with friends and family, taken up a new pastime, tried new things. Life has so much to give to someone, anyone in fact not just single people. But being single has opened my eyes up to all the possibilities. I have more life ambitions that ever before, and I love the freedom I currently have.

I feel like the options are limitless at the moment. If I wanted to up and move across the other side of the world, I could! I won’t, but I could…

Singledom Lesson #5- Working on myself

I’d been in a relationship since I was 16. I would be confident in certain aspects of life; I knew with enough work I could succeed in a career. I could chat to people despite having social anxiety. University helped me come out of my shell the most. But I can honestly say I don’t think I ever truly loved myself, or even began to love myself at all. I always put others first. I would put myself down with negative thoughts about my self image, my appearance, how I would never be attractive, how I wasn’t really wanted there when I hung out with my friends.

Since becoming single, I have begun to learn how to truly love myself. Im not there yet by any means but had I stayed in that relationship I would have never come across such inspirational friends and writers to help me on the path to self love. Louise Hay is an inspiration to me. I read a lot of self help books about how to be a better person e.g. How to Make Friends and Influence People, The Power of Now.

I took a long hard honest look at myself and my life. I went to therapy; something I never thought I’d do or even need.

Affirmations and being kind to myself have changed my life. All because I became single.

I still get anxious about social situations. I still worry about my appearance. I think that’s only human. But the difference between myself then, and now, is a marked improvement and I’m excited to continue using my free time as a singleton to further develop my self love and love for others.

 

There’s still more to come; I’m not done with how great being single is just yet so keep your eyes peeled for another blog soon. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to comment. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

CountryGirl x

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2 comments

  1. JR · January 24, 2016

    Hi, Enjoying reading your blogs, especially the most recent ones about being single. I think its hard to feel good about yourself when you’re single because most people around us seem to be keen to get together and be in a relationship. I would love to fall in love again and share my life with somebody but like you I’m going to make damn sure that until that happens I’m not going to let being single stop me being happy. There are so many advantages to being single. If I ever do fall in love again I don’t want to look back on this time (which has gone on for some years like this) and think that I was miserable all the time I was single. I’m not sure about this genre of publicising the embarrassing and weird things people and say on online dating. it can be funny and scary and shocking what people say but I think its very sad that so many people (men mainly) have such a hard time engaging in appropriate and sensitive conversation with people of the opposite sex. I’m not sure we should be encouraging each other to laugh at these people. Though maybe ridicule is an appropriate antidote. Keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • countrygirl2711 · January 24, 2016

      Thanks for your response really pleased to hear you’re enjoying the blogs. Sounds like you have the right idea and you go! Being single can be one of the happiest times too 🙂
      Not sure whether you’re saying I should have posted my dating experiences or not though? If it helps, every name has been anonymised so there’ll be no repercussions. I merely write about these things as you have said to provide a shocking insight to what people think they can get away with when speaking to someone online and to provide some humour in an online world where it can seem very stressful to find someone. I’m a Bridget Jones sort of character so I hope these light hearted stories are seen for being just that; light hearted and a bit of fun. Not to point fingers and ridicule people. Either way, I respect your opinion and thank you for commenting x

      Like

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