Dating Lesson #1- Through the Tinder Keyhole

To ease myself into the online dating scene I decided to begin with Tinder. It seemed like a bit of fun, a way to see loads of people around you and I was optimistic that this would be a good way to get some dates in the bag…how wrong I have been!

I thought I’d done everything right; I’d picked a nice smiley picture looking directly into the camera as I had read to do, I’d written a little something on myself to make me stand out and be interesting, I was all set.

After swiping left too many times I discovered I wasn’t getting many matches, which resulted in no one to speak to. I decided to lower my standards, be less shallow, and swipe right a few more times to give the chances of getting a match a bit more of a chance. I mean they could be really nice right even if they’re picture was a maybe?

And then it started. “It’s a match!”, “It’s a match!”. “Finally! I can’t wait for them to message me and we can start chatting, maybe they’ll ask me out, this thing works!”

A page full of matches, yet no one was speaking. Not a single message. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, I even experimented and tried to message a few people first. Nothing.

So After some tweaking of my profile I tried again. I messaged people, and actually started to get some messages back! Unfortunately they weren’t quite what I was expecting. “Hey, wanna have some fun?”

I even messaged one guy because he had a picture of him with a monk in Laos, and I’d just been there on holiday with some friends.

Me: “Hi, interesting pictures. Have you been to Laos?”

Generic Sleezy Male: “Yeah I have… Wanna f***?”

What!? Seriously!? I’ve never gone so red in my life hiding behind a phone screen! I’m not particularly one for the bed, breakfast, and leave scene so this was all pretty shocking to me. And they kept on coming. I still couldn’t figure out what I was doing to attract these kinds of guys. And then one day, I got someone to look at my profile, and it was immediately obvious. This is what I had put…

“Physically active, ambitious, thrill-seeker”

I had unwittingly put myself as active in the bedroom!

Nowadays I am much more careful with what I write, however I still find Tinder to be a difficult way to speak to guys unless you message them first, and even then the dates are still non existent. But persevere I will, as they say practice makes perfect!

Top Tinder Tips:

  1. Don’t EVER write “Physically active” in any shape or form on your profile, or any of the following unless you’re wanting to purely have sex:
  • “Bendy/Flexible”
  • “I can tie knots using only my tongue”
  • ” I like to get hot and sweaty”
  • “I like sausages”

2) Don’t lower your standards

3) It’s free, so expect some sleaze-balls looking for a quick lay.

4) Expect some weirdo’s too because there’s an awful lot of them out there!

Thanks for stopping by! Until next time,

Country girl x

New Beginnings

One of my favourite quotes I’ve read since becoming single is “Some things fall apart so better things can come together”, and I’ve never known it to be so true but not for the reasons you might think…

After 9 years of a serious long term relationship that started when I was 17, I suddenly found myself single. A shock? Tell me about it! Looking back now I can see that things weren’t quite right. We started off in love as giddy teenagers, sharing all our first experiences with each other and learning how it felt to be with someone; it was filled with laughter and love, and before we knew it we were best friends.

But over time little alarm bells were going off inside my head. We had different goals in life, different priorities. I’ve always been a get-up-and-go person, whereas he wanted to just sit in and play computer games. I wanted to save for a house, he spent his savings on a motorbike. I wanted to meet his friends, he didn’t want to spend time with mine. We began to drift apart.

In retrospect I had all the warnings laid out in front of me, but I chose to ignore them. I was comfortable, not unhappy but not truly happy either. I was too sacred to be on my own that I would have never have left the relationship. If someone had asked me if I was in love with him, I don’t think I could have honestly said yes. I loved him to the world and back, but I wasn’t in love. My self esteem was so low that I just wanted security in any form. I needed someone to love me because I didn’t love myself.

Then one Saturday, it all collapsed. He walked out of the door, out of my life, forever. I’ve never felt pain or sadness like it; I’d lost my best friend and I knew that there was no going back.

To be honest he did me a massive favour. He was willing to do what I was not in order to make us both happier, and I’m grateful to him for that. Things would have been so much worse if we had bought a house, got married, or even had children. There are no feelings of resentment or bitterness, and despite him literally disappearing off the face of the earth even though we both live in a very small town, I hope that he’s happy.

That was just over a year ago. How different a person I am now to then. How much more I have done with my life since then. I’ve travelled more in the last year than I’ve ever done before. My life is busier seeing friends, doing things for myself, and learning new skills that I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

This time in my life has been invaluable. It’s given me time to learn to work on myself, to appreciate myself, to love myself; I’d never done that before. It’s taught me to make the most of every moment because life can be taken away in an instant. To love without inhibition my friends and family. It’s given me the space I needed to find who I am again.

And now a year into the land of singledom, I’ve ventured into the realm of online dating. And boy was it not what I was expecting!

This blog is for everyone who hasn’t been on the dating scene in a long time, who doesn’t know what they’re doing, and who have never done the dating thing before like myself.

I’m going to share with you the lessons I’m learning during my ride down the dating river, the funny embarrassing stories, the out of this world first kisses (not to have happened yet but I’m optmistic!), and everything in-between.

Until the next instalment…

Country girl x