break ups

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 1.

Posted on by countrygirl2711

It’s a bit too early to tell this story but it’s so ridiculously unbelievable I just need to write this as it’s happening. The night it’s happening. I may not post it for a few days but this was written as it occurred, and will continue to be written as it occurs.

As far as writing a dating blog goes, this is SOLID GOLD. I couldn’t have predicted this, or made this up it’s just so weird. So unexpected. So bloody annoying.

I’m sitting here half an hour after reading the text that lead me to this  blog, and I still can’t quite believe it. Every time I think about it I just think  ‘This could only happen to me. What are the chances!?’

Lets start from the start.

I had fancied someone I knew from work for a while. We shall call him Matthew. You know when you just know you fancy someone? It doesn’t happen very often to me but when it does I can tell. He had the most gorgeous smile and warm brown eyes. I would speak to him professionally, knowing that he would never be a prospect because of work rules. So I admired from afar.

A year or so ago I came across him on Match.com. Then again on POF. Then again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign; perhaps it wasn’t just coincidence.

So being the random impulsive person that I am I took it upon myself last christmas to send him a message. Completely innocent, a kind of Love Actually moment. You know the bit I mean? When Kiera Knightly’s husbands best friend is standing outside pretending it’s carol singers, with boards telling her how her really feels knowing he can’t act on them? Yes, that bit.

I was polite, and just told him he seemed like a nice guy and if he’d like to I’d be interested to get to know him better. He replied, and we would have met up but christmas came and went, and the next thing I’m being told is that he was going to get back with his ex.

‘OK, no biggy‘ I thought. I left it at that and told him nothing would change; I would still be professional towards him at work.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and we matched on Tinder. Four. Consecutive. Times. I have a habit of deleting my account after a week realising I’m bored and no-one EVER talks, then in a moment of weakness start up my account again. Obviously I wasn’t going to swipe left on him…but I wasn’t expecting him to swipe right on me after he declined previously. But, he did swipe right. Four separate times. Deliberately.

This time round however I wasn’t going to message. The ball was in his court. And to my surprise he messaged me! “Yey!”you might say. Oh…..you wait.

Around the same time, I also matched with another guy on Tinder. We shall call him Marcus. Now Marcus was good fun right off the bat. He had interesting pictures, good conversation, and I was able to flirt with him and joke around. He was extremely fun to chat to and I felt a connection. Now Marcus didn’t beat around the bush. After a few exchanges back and forth over the course of a few days, he asked me out. By this time I’d already ascertained he was one of the most interesting people I’d spoken to on Tinder, nay, any dating site since joining them. He reminded me of Frank (see previous blog here), but much more confident in his approach to dating. In fact I’d go so far as to say he had the dating lingo down and he was very clear in his approach.

So, we went on a date. A yummy dinner date at a Pan Asian and Sushi restaurant, followed by a drink at a pub. I could not fault him. He dressed well, he spoke well, the conversation flowed. We shared similar interests, had a similar intellect, shared similar dreams and ambitions. We laughed, we drank, we enjoyed each others company. It was probably the best first date I’ve had so far. And we got on well; the connection was real.

The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure if I fancied him or not. But hey, I’d only met him once and I’ve learnt that if you’re not sure, that’s not a reason not to see someone again. Love and attraction comes with time and he ticked pretty much every other box so I was going to give Marcus a fighting chance.

I should mention that while this was going on Matthew and I were on and off chatting, but I hadn’t managed to move the conversation to texting, a phone call, or a date. The texts were sporadic but he’d told me what his working week was like, so I trusted him when he said he was really busy with work and didn’t go on Tinder much. Eventually, we spoke via text message. But by this point Marcus had already asked me out on a second date.

More to come, keep an eye out xx

 

Baby Got Back.

Posted on by countrygirl2711

Hello!

Wow. It has been AGES since I updated my blog! Apologies.

Honestly, I just fancied a break from the whole dating thing. After a while it becomes like social media; an automatic reflex to do on your phone, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be free from the commitments of checking my profile, updating photos, deleting messages from people who can only be bothered to say “hi”.

I can confidently say it was great…for a while.

I got my life back! Suddenly I found myself making my time much more productive. I started a crochet project and made a cute elephant for my friends baby. I did more exercise. I worried less about what people thought about me and just enjoyed doing things for me. There was no pressure to make an effort with men online and it was empowering. I was on a dating holiday; a hiatus from the stresses of keeping up POF, Tinder and OK Cupid appearances. I was sunning myself up on the hypothetical beach of the island ‘Nondatius’.

I spent a good three months not worrying about dating and began to feel more like me again, without the annoying thoughts of:

Do I like this guy? Should I go on another date with him? Why isn’t he relpying? Oh wait it’s only been an hour. Three days later..WHY isn’t he replying!? Maybe I should message him…NO countrygil, NO. Don’t you dare! You are worth more than that and you don’t want to appear desperate. OH but why won’t he reply? Whats wrong with me? Why can I not seem to find someone decent?  I think my heads going to explode…AAARRRRGGGH!!!

Etc, Etc.

Problem was, I wasn’t really meeting anyone new either. I always thought, and hoped, that when I do meet my match it would be organically. There’d be no online dating involved…Drifts off into a romantic dreamy daze…I bump into someone in the post office, dropping my letters all over the floor. He helps me pick them up and then as we rise together we look into each others eyes and get that instant click of chemistry. Or through a friend, or maybe even through work. A spontaneous arrival at my workplace to ask me out. A phone call offering to take me out to dinner. You know, good old fashioned dating. Where a guy chases a girl, where he knows how to behave whilst still having a cheeky flirt. Does anyone else have this problem? Not being able to meet people in day to day life?

Perhaps that will still happen. Perhaps it won’t. But regardless, meeting men in this day and age just doesn’t seem very easy.

So, after three lovely men-free months I’ve decided to brave it again, if for nothing other than more dating practice and for when Mr Right comes along. Oh, and of course for you blogging amusement!

I’ve still got a few stories up my sleeve so stay tuned for much more regular posts than there has been recently.

As always, comments are always welcome. Would love to hear of similar experiences of people who don’t particularly like online dating but can’t seem to meet men otherwise.

See you soon!

Countrygirl x

Close Encounters Of The 1st Kind

Posted on by countrygirl2711

Well I talked that up didn’t I…They say thoughts create your reality and perhaps my last blog did just that.

Today, for the first day since he walked out the door never to return, I saw him. I was on my way to work and despite never in a year and a half ever seeing him anywhere, there he was. An early morning drive by from me as he walked to work. I knew it was him before I even got close. I could recognise his trainers a mile away. I knew his walk like the back of my hand. His hair was similar but slightly different. As soon as I saw his head turn slightly I knew it was my ex.

I kept my hands on the wheel, slightly panicking as my car was approaching and did the only thing I could think of in that moment; I didn’t look. I drove like it was any other day. I tried not to look in my mirrors. I hoped he hadn’t recognised the car although I imagine he probably did. My body was going through the usual motions. My autopilot steering me to work was ticking away nicely. But I felt sick to my stomach. Butterflies of nerves washed over me like a wave. My breathing changed.

Before I knew it the feelings I thought I’d let go of, that day when he left, came flooding back. They were filtered somewhat, not quite so paralysingly pungent as before but still recognisable. Hurt. Betrayal. Loneliness. Worthlessness. Longing for someone/something that’s no longer there. That I couldn’t stop looking at with rose-tinted glasses.

It affected me for the majority of the day despite my best efforts. I did what I needed to to get it out of my system. I texted friends, I almost cried at work, I got on with things. When I was distracted it was fine. But that image of seeing him there this morning was like a cloud hanging over me.

I tried to use it at lunch to help push me during my workout at the gym. I kept forgiving him in my head, sending him love and best wishes, hoping he was happy as though I was having a conversation with him face to face. I sent him only happy thoughts.

But I was disappointed in myself. I’d come so far. I’d grown so much. It felt like a backwards step when I thought I was almost at a place where I could be over it. I began to question that perhaps I wasn’t. It left me feeling deflated and empty. Can you believe it…all this from a single sighting of him. I didn’t look him in the eye, I didn’t have to speak to him, yet here they were, these feelings were trying to ruin my day. And they almost succeeded. Almost.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight. Unfortunately he had to cancel but I wasn’t willing to go home after work. I’d been wanting to see a film named “How to be single” for a while but I hadn’t had the time or people hadn’t been free. So I did what I wanted. I had a date night with myself. I took myself to the cinema in massively clashing gym clothes (because I wasn’t willing to be seen in my work clothes out and about) and had a GREAT time!

That film was exactly what I needed. Spending time with me doing something I wanted to do was exactly what I needed. And I’m beginning to love cinema dates with myself!

I was scared about watching the movie. From the trailers I had watched I thought it was going to be about drinking, sex, more drinking and more sex. I’m not that kind of person so that would have made me feel even worse about being single as though I wasn’t doing it right. But it was the complete opposite. It appealed to every type of single person out there. Everyone being single in their own ways, no one doing it wrong or right; no judgement. It was so uplifting, side-achingly funny, and inspirational.

It made me realise how great my life is and how my previous posts about the positives of being single are true; this is truly a time to be cherished. I have so much less free time now than I’ve ever had because I’m doing so much more with it. I work in three different places. I have so many wonderful groups of friends. I’ve made so many more new friends as a result of being single. I’ve been travelling to places I don’t think I would have been able to if I’d stayed in that relationship; Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Barcelona, Berlin, New York, France. Trips with friends instead of just me and him. And I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

I volunteer, I meditate, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise more, I go out more, I read more. There’s so much more to just finding someone. NOW is the time for me to find myself. NOW is my time. I may never get this again! I may never be single like this again.

I’ve come home after singing in the car at the top of my lungs to a feeling of satisfaction in my life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. And I really don’t feel like I want anyone at the moment. I choose to be single. I want to carry on developing myself.

It makes me want to delete my Plenty of Fish profile, and I may well do! It makes me want to take a break from Match.com (and if they hadn’t screwed me over for another 6 months subscription I probably would!).

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and it’s ended on a high thanks to a date night with myself, and a fantastic film.

If any of you singles need a pick me up, go watch it. I promise you it will fill you with happiness.

 

Please feel free to leave any comments; love hearing from you.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

I’ll Be Missing You

Posted on by countrygirl2711

Most of the time in my new life of being single, I’m good. I’ll go about my daily life, concentrate on my next goals, keep attempting to online date despite it now being 6 months and no suitors. I’m happy.

But every now and then something will happen. A dream. I’ll see someone from my ex’s family I used to know. I’ll begin to lose faith in online dating and finding someone again. When something like that happens my mind will start to dwell on the past, on him, on them.

When my ex and I broke up, we had been together a long time. It wasn’t just him that was in my life. It was his parents, his grandparents, his aunts who I had now allocated a section of my heart to. And we got on so well. I used to be able to spend time with each parent individually without my ex and enjoy it. We used to go out for meals, drink together, play games together.

Now we’re strangers.

No one ever tells you that you don’t only lose the person you loved. They don’t tell you that you lose an entire family you thought you were going to be a part of. And when my mind starts to dwell on him or them only one thing about it occupies my mind…I miss them.

My ex was not perfect. Neither am I. I know it ended for the right reasons, and that he did what I couldn’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. We may not have been right for each other romantically towards the end, but he was my best friend. And 1.5 years later, I still notice that my best friend isn’t there anymore. He’s now a stranger to me. Ive never even seen him.

But I miss him. I miss the way he used to be so happy to see me when I got home. I miss his hugs. His smile. His crazy dancing in the kitchen to Beyonce. I miss his jokes, his silliness, his willingness to just show me him for him. I miss his hands. His chest. I just miss him and there’s no other way to describe it.

I miss his parents. I miss their welcoming smile. The way I could talk to his mum about work related matters and she’d be able to relate. How if the need to confide in her arose I would have been able to. How I felt her love for me as I did her. I miss playing board games with her. His dad is the same. I miss talking to him about man things, watching films together as a little unit, chatting about rubbish. How they were there for me. Again, I just miss them being in my life.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing them. If I use distraction to stop myself thinking about them, or accept that they’re gone, no longer in my life and missing them doesn’t make a jot of difference, its easier. But when the feeling is there, I notice it like a piece of me is missing. Like there’s a void that hasn’t yet been filled.

I know this isn’t permanent. I know that this void I have can be filled with self love, or perhaps eventually the love of another and his respective family someday. I know there is nothing to change the ways things are; I’m no longer a part of their lives. But for now, to his family and him…I miss you.