It Could Only Happen to Me…Part 4:The Conclusion

Well hello dear readers.

I have had a very long hiatus from blogging with no real excuse other than I’ve been super busy. But fear not…I had yet to conclude the unfortunate events that occurred in October, which resulted in me dating two cousins.

So let us continue…

After a good few days with nothing from either party I decided it was time to figure out where Matthew stood on the scenario. Marcus was a lost cause. I messaged him expressing my dismay that I didn’t even really get the chance to see where things went. We both had very kind words to say about each other, and left it at that. So with that in mind I needed to know what Matthew thought about the whole thing.

We arranged to speak on the phone four days after discovering the situation. And to my shock he was fine about everything. He took the stance that I was free, single, and it was only one date. He didn’t really see why it was such a big deal for Marcus. I agreed with him and we agreed to keep in contact. In retrospect, perhaps this should have been another warning sign; perhaps the fact he didn’t see it as a big deal meant he wasn’t particularly invested in me or pursuing a relationship with me. But we carried on regardless.

Things moved painfully slowly. I kept getting mixed signals. I’d drop hints about meeting, compliment and tease him in a playful way to make him aware I wasn’t interested in just a texting conversation the whole time. But he’d never directly ask me out. We’d text back and forth daily, each taking turns to initiate the texting, but still no meeting in person. Eventually, after quite a lot of hints, we ended up going on a second date.

We met at an independent cinema, and watched a film together which we had to sneak into as we were a tad late. The film was a prequel to a much larger film franchise, and because Matthew hadn’t seen the previous films I was happy to get close to him and whisper in his ear about things he didn’t know, as we were watching.

Unlike my date at the cinema with Marcus where I’d been comfortable enough sitting and laughing, spilling popcorn over each other, on this one there was an excitable tension. I found myself hoping he would take my hand in his. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. I wanted to be near him.

The date continued after the film as we walked through the streets of the city staring at the newly placed Christmas lights. We walked through a beautiful tunnel of lights positioned in the main shopping area. A romantic spot I felt, but again I got nothing from Matthew. No hand holding, no closeness. I began to wonder if he was even interested in me. I figured if he wasn’t he’d have made an excuse to end the date right? We found ourselves hungry and ended up in a famous fish and chip restaurant where I felt like he opened up more. Conversation flowed easily and we enjoyed playful banter. I was enjoying myself and perhaps he was too.

On the way back to the car a rather uneasy looking man came up to us shaking a bucket in our faces and asking for money for Charity. The tattoo of a needle across his neck and his general demeanour said otherwise, as did his reaction when I responded with “I’m sorry I’ve just used it”, to which he replied said “Oh come on…GIVE me your money”. I felt threatened, and Matthew and I walked swiftly to the car.

Now this was the moment I’ll remember because after all his mixed signals,  I told him I had felt slightly worried back there and he showed his protective, manly, very attractive side by saying he would have punched the guy had he come any closer to me. I felt safe, I felt he cared. Perhaps I read too much into it but to me that seemed like a sign he wanted to protect me. He liked me enough he wanted to keep me safe. That he was a good guy. Someone who wouldn’t mess a girl around.

Like a gentleman he dropped me off at my house and we said our goodbyes.

Then limbo started again. He’d message me often, asking me how my day was, seemingly showing an interest but also seeming to forget things I’d said to him before. It went on for a while and I began to give up.

Eventually we went on date three. Another whole month later.

He picked me up and we went to the woods for a walk followed by a coffee in a cosy pub, which to my surprise went on until mid afternoon.

It was just me, him, and the trees. We talked, we laughed, we joked. Me being typical me I partly submerged myself in a stream after thinking it wasn’t deep at all, to which he found very amusing. We even meditated which may sound silly but it was so peaceful. I felt grounded to the world around me and it was nice to be able to share one of my favourite places to do that in, with him. I must admit most of the time I was wondering if I could kiss him but I thought that would have probably been a bit odd, and it would have caught him completely of guard seeing as his eyes were closed. I did steal a sneaky peak at him from time to time though.

It was an all round really lovely date. But time was running out. It was date three, and Matthew still hadn’t made any romantic move on me. I knew that if I left this one in the same way, and it ended up being the same back and fourth messaging again that I’d have to call it quits, and regret never having done anything.

So…when he pulled up outside my house I took it upon myself to make the first move. It probably wasn’t the most romantic of ways to do it as I proposed that if I didn’t kiss him now I’d regret it, but he didn’t back off either. We kissed, just once.

I can only speak for me but I felt it was a good first kiss. A slight linger, nothing too full on. Sweet would have probably been a fitting word. I said thank you for the date, although I said it WAY too soon after the kiss which made it sound like I was in fact thanking him for letting me kiss him (I know, cringey), and left the car. Nevertheless, I was on cloud nine. I left that car smiling from ear to ear.

I hadn’t felt this way about someone since my ex. Perhaps not even him.

Again, within a few hours of the date he had messaged me which I took as a good sign, but that quickly slipped back into the same texting pattern as before; Matthew not moving things on, and me left wondering where on earth I went wrong.

I didn’t like it, it wasn’t easy, but I had gone down this road before. Enough was enough. The budding romance I was so hoping would happen just wasn’t manifesting, and as much as I liked this guy, as much as I wanted to be able to kiss him again, for him to show me that he wanted me, it just wasn’t going to happen.

I sent a final message explaining I wanted to be with someone who was 100% wanting to be with me, who wanted to show me how much they were interested, who wanted to see me as often as they could. He replied but unfortunately it confirmed what I had hoped wasn’t, but deep down knew to be the case…

And that was two months ago.

Have I heard from him since? No. Had I secretly hoped I would? Yes. Do I still fancy him and hope he comes to his senses? Hell Yes. But then again he’s already shown me he’s not interested. Perhaps its too late. Perhaps I would worry he’d do it again.

I know where I went wrong. I invested too soon. Again. I liked him the first time he walked into my workplace and I dreamed about it ever since. Before he even knew anything about me or the fact I liked him. Before I even knew him.

I dived in too willingly.

I guess I still need to learn a few things about dating.

What Really Matters…

Today I was looking through old photo’s from years gone by. With each picture that I saw, the more and more memories came rushing back to me as though they had only happened yesterday. It filled me with nostalgia. With longing for past years. Most of all, it filled me with love.

It made me have a moment of realisation.

Love is everything. Nothing else matters. Kindness, generosity, happiness, all comes from love. It doesn’t matter what car you drive or how big your house is. What matters, and what will matter when you leave this world is the love you put into it, and the love you gave to other people. No one will remember how much money you earned, or what designer clothes you wore. They will remember your kindness, your willingness to help, your actions that influenced their lives.

Friendship.

Family.

An appreciation for everyone, and everything.

Those are the things that really matter.

People have come in and gone from my life. I don’t regret a single one of them. Each person has taught me a lesson, has been a friend for different reasons. The friendships that were meant to last, have done so. I feel so overwhelmed when I think about all the love I have for these people. For the people that I care about. It’s amazing to think about how many connections you will make with people as you go through life. Every day there are possibilities to understand someone on a deeper level, to form a lasting bond.

I love all of them. I am grateful for all of them.

 

 

 

 

A World Of Opportunity

Walking is beautifully therapeutic and grounding.

After recent events, this weekend has been a chance for me to remember what’s important in life. The things we take for granted. The things in life that are free. Appreciating the simplest moments, the smallest of goings on in the big wide world. Living life in the now.

If being single has taught me one thing, its how to find myself. How to be a better person. How to live for today.

It’s given me the opportunity to further my understanding of the world around me, improve on myself, and taught me how to give back to the world. When you haven’t got someone beside you all the while you realise there’s so much you can give, to everyone. A simple smile, a warm greeting, a kind gesture.

In most of my everyday life I always feel rushed. There’s always a list of things to do, people to see, connections to maintain. I often feel like there’s no time to relax. To stop and take note. In the past I’ve turned to meditation for this. I’ve started to once again,

I also read a lot of self help books. I don’t necessarily read them to make myself amazing. I read them because every time I do they open my mind and soul up to something bigger than myself. This power, this way of thinking that I didn’t think was possible. Something switches on in my head, a door opens. It’s like an addiction. These moments of clarity where the world makes sense. Where the world is good and pure. Where my dreams are possible. Where everything in this life is precious, and amazing, and everything is within reach. I read them for this.

A walk in the woods today gave me that same clarity. As I walked, I kept my focus on my breath, and the sensations around me. Everything around me as I was walking on this sunny, crisp, autumn day became incredible.

The air felt pure and clean within my lungs. Imagining these gentle giants absorbing my carbon dioxide to give the air new life, new fuel for it’s inhabitants, became fascinating. I noticed the colour of every leaf. The beauty of the natural world. The crisp crunching of dry and damp leaves beneath my feet. It was so peaceful, so serene.

As I sat on a log alone it was so quiet. Quiet enough for me, as I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing, to notice the pine needles falling from the trees. To hear the bracken rustling gently in the breeze. To hear the natural cracks of the twigs and branches around me.

It. was. amazing.

As I began to walk back to the real world through the depths of the forest, the more I looked, the more I saw. Mushrooms began to appear as if from nowhere; scattering the forest floor. Life was everywhere. Even on the floor of a forest coming to the end of its time for the year, life was still blooming amongst the debris.

It made me take note that nothing is impossible. I am reassured by the processes of life. That nothing lasts forever. That now, in this moment, is the time to treasure. One day someone will come along who will be everything I’ve ever wanted. Who knows when that may be, but in the meantime this chapter of my life is precious.

Life isn’t about success with material things. It’s about appreciating the fact that we’re alive. Appreciating nature and the world around us. Cherishing all of it. It’s about being the best version of yourself to illicit great, inspiring feelings in others.

No one will remember how much was in your bank account. They will remember how you made them feel. It makes me want to be kind to everyone and everything I come into contact with. It fills me with such love for everyone and everything that I could burst. I want to make everyone feel loved.

So when people roll their eyes at me for reading self help books, or going for a walk on my own, I don’t mind. Because if they felt what I do when I get those moments of clarity, they’d be hooked too.

I hope you all have had a fantastic weekend.

Part 4 of “It could only happen to me” to follow in the near future. x

Dating Lesson #13 – Not-So Shiver Me Timbers

I’ve not posted for so long I’ve actually begun to forget some of the dates I’ve yet to have written about, but seeing as this one has come to me I felt the need to share. After all, sharing is caring.

The dating scene had been quiet for a while and I had decided to take a break; I came off Tinder, I came off OK Cupid, and thought “I’ll have some me time”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me because how could they? I’d removed myself from the dating scene. So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue I get a text from a number I don’t recognise.

“Hi CountryGirl, remember me? It’s Phil; the guy who lives on a boat? Thought I’d see how you are as we got on well but never met up…”.

I feel at this point I should make it clear it had been a while. Two whole months to be exact since I had exchanged numbers with this guy… Who does that? Who keeps a random girl’s number on their phone when I’d come offline two months before? One of two explanations crossed my mind:

  1. He’s a really lovely guy who kept it in the hope we’d keep texting
  2. He’s a psycho who just wants to get laid.

I was optimistic and went for the former.

So erring on the side of caution I decided to reply but kept things light and non-committal. We ended up exchanging pleasantry’s for a couple of days when he asked me out. Result! Well, why not? What have I got to lose?

We decided to meet at a local bar-come restaurant on a lovely summers evening. We sat outside by the river. It soon became clear that this guy was lovely, but not quite for me. He was really quite shy, and kept apologizing for himself. I’d ask him about certain things I’d learnt about him since chatting; playing the violin, being part of a folk band, carpentry. He had some real talents. But for some reason he couldn’t see it. Every time I gave him a compliment or wanted to find out more about him he’d put himself down.

Example 1.

Me: “That’s pretty cool that you play in a folk band! You must be good.”

Him: “Oh no, no. Not really. I’m not very good”

Me: “You may be better than you give yourself credit for!”

Example 2.

Me: “You’ve been traveling? I’d love to hear about it”

Him: “It’s really not that exciting and a bit of  a long story, I’d bore you. Oh god I’m boring you aren’t I”

Me: “Not at all, I’d be interested to hear”

Him: “Well to cut a long story short…”

Just tell  me the story!

Etc, etc.

It’s a real shame. He seemed like a genuine, pleasant guy, but there was just no self confidence, no assurance or self belief.

I could see my old self reflected in his attitudes towards himself. It was like I was looking into the past at what I must have been like when my ex broke up with me and if I’d gone on a date then what I’d have been like.

Perhaps he’d had a big knock. Perhaps he’d always been like it. Who knows, but unfortunately I’d decided by the end of the date he wasn’t for me. I needed someone with self confidence. Not arrogance, just someone who respects themselves and doesn’t put themselves down all the time. I’d been the stronger one in a relationship before, and was certain that wasn’t what I wanted again.

After becoming single, I’d learnt about my own self worth and had changed for the better in that respect towards myself. It was strange seeing it from the other side rather than being the one who felt worthless, or at least projecting that view of themselves to other people.

A few days later he messaged me and asked me out again. I let him down gently (at least I think I did), told him he was a lovely guy, but that I didn’t think we were compatible. I got a rather rude reply back with a sarcastic comment at the end. I think he may have even asked if there was anything he could improve on. I so desperately wanted to tell him to work on his own self esteem, but thought better of it; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even more.

Needless to say I never heard from him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Close Encounters Of The 1st Kind

Well I talked that up didn’t I…They say thoughts create your reality and perhaps my last blog did just that.

Today, for the first day since he walked out the door never to return, I saw him. I was on my way to work and despite never in a year and a half ever seeing him anywhere, there he was. An early morning drive by from me as he walked to work. I knew it was him before I even got close. I could recognise his trainers a mile away. I knew his walk like the back of my hand. His hair was similar but slightly different. As soon as I saw his head turn slightly I knew it was my ex.

I kept my hands on the wheel, slightly panicking as my car was approaching and did the only thing I could think of in that moment; I didn’t look. I drove like it was any other day. I tried not to look in my mirrors. I hoped he hadn’t recognised the car although I imagine he probably did. My body was going through the usual motions. My autopilot steering me to work was ticking away nicely. But I felt sick to my stomach. Butterflies of nerves washed over me like a wave. My breathing changed.

Before I knew it the feelings I thought I’d let go of, that day when he left, came flooding back. They were filtered somewhat, not quite so paralysingly pungent as before but still recognisable. Hurt. Betrayal. Loneliness. Worthlessness. Longing for someone/something that’s no longer there. That I couldn’t stop looking at with rose-tinted glasses.

It affected me for the majority of the day despite my best efforts. I did what I needed to to get it out of my system. I texted friends, I almost cried at work, I got on with things. When I was distracted it was fine. But that image of seeing him there this morning was like a cloud hanging over me.

I tried to use it at lunch to help push me during my workout at the gym. I kept forgiving him in my head, sending him love and best wishes, hoping he was happy as though I was having a conversation with him face to face. I sent him only happy thoughts.

But I was disappointed in myself. I’d come so far. I’d grown so much. It felt like a backwards step when I thought I was almost at a place where I could be over it. I began to question that perhaps I wasn’t. It left me feeling deflated and empty. Can you believe it…all this from a single sighting of him. I didn’t look him in the eye, I didn’t have to speak to him, yet here they were, these feelings were trying to ruin my day. And they almost succeeded. Almost.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight. Unfortunately he had to cancel but I wasn’t willing to go home after work. I’d been wanting to see a film named “How to be single” for a while but I hadn’t had the time or people hadn’t been free. So I did what I wanted. I had a date night with myself. I took myself to the cinema in massively clashing gym clothes (because I wasn’t willing to be seen in my work clothes out and about) and had a GREAT time!

That film was exactly what I needed. Spending time with me doing something I wanted to do was exactly what I needed. And I’m beginning to love cinema dates with myself!

I was scared about watching the movie. From the trailers I had watched I thought it was going to be about drinking, sex, more drinking and more sex. I’m not that kind of person so that would have made me feel even worse about being single as though I wasn’t doing it right. But it was the complete opposite. It appealed to every type of single person out there. Everyone being single in their own ways, no one doing it wrong or right; no judgement. It was so uplifting, side-achingly funny, and inspirational.

It made me realise how great my life is and how my previous posts about the positives of being single are true; this is truly a time to be cherished. I have so much less free time now than I’ve ever had because I’m doing so much more with it. I work in three different places. I have so many wonderful groups of friends. I’ve made so many more new friends as a result of being single. I’ve been travelling to places I don’t think I would have been able to if I’d stayed in that relationship; Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Barcelona, Berlin, New York, France. Trips with friends instead of just me and him. And I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

I volunteer, I meditate, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise more, I go out more, I read more. There’s so much more to just finding someone. NOW is the time for me to find myself. NOW is my time. I may never get this again! I may never be single like this again.

I’ve come home after singing in the car at the top of my lungs to a feeling of satisfaction in my life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. And I really don’t feel like I want anyone at the moment. I choose to be single. I want to carry on developing myself.

It makes me want to delete my Plenty of Fish profile, and I may well do! It makes me want to take a break from Match.com (and if they hadn’t screwed me over for another 6 months subscription I probably would!).

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and it’s ended on a high thanks to a date night with myself, and a fantastic film.

If any of you singles need a pick me up, go watch it. I promise you it will fill you with happiness.

 

Please feel free to leave any comments; love hearing from you.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #9 – The Return of Catch Me If You Can

I have a confession to make.

For those of you who have followed my blogs you’ll remember Frank from Catch Me If You Can Parts 1-3, and how I wrote that he never contacted me again. Well there’s more to that story…

My friends told me to delete his number. That he was a waste of time. That I could do better. They erased him from my phone in all aspects that they could; got rid of his conversations, all pictures and videos, removed his number from my contacts. A week passed and I still hadn’t heard from him but I just couldn’t let it go. I just didn’t understand it. We had a great time on that date. We’d flirted, the conversation had been effortless, there was an easy playfulness when we were in the arcade and we seemed attracted to one another.

So me being the stubborn person that I am I decided to send one final ‘hurrah’ message to let him know I was disappointed. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I still had him on Match.com, so sent him a short message on there stating how it was a shame it hadn’t gone anywhere as we seemed to have a good time.

He replied, apologised, and explained he’d started to think too much and worried he wouldn’t have time to for someone in his life.

I should have read the signs there…I didn’t. I was still clinging on to the hope that it could go somewhere. I should have stopped talking to him there and then. But I didn’t.

We got back into the normal flow of conversation that had been there previously, and things seemed to be ok. But then one day out of the blue he sent me a screen shot of his match.com profile showing how many unread messages he had from women. This was accompanied by a message saying “Oh My God I’ve just logged into Match.com…I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I always thought I’d meet someone in the most unexpected way; damn you rom coms”. I found this pretty hurtful. One, because he had met me online, two, because I didn’t understand why he was showing me this, was this another signal to back off? And three, because if he was divulging this to me perhaps I had been put in the friend category.

I wanted to speak to him in person. I wanted to see his face, hear his voice properly, not a delayed video or an emotionless assembly of words on a phone screen. But typically, that didn’t happen despite me asking.

So I did the only thing I felt I could; I sent him a video. But not just any video. I poured my heart into that video. I explained why, despite the fact I was getting the impression he wasn’t into me, I had continued to speak to him. How after a long term relationship he had been the first person I’d thought “yeah, I really like this guy”. How I hadn’t had as much fun on a date with anyone else. How I wanted to kiss him when we’d said goodbye on the first date but was scared of his reaction. And I asked him straight out, that if I was nothing more than a potential friend to him to just tell me so I could stop harbouring this hope of it becoming something more. I’ve never sent anything like it to anyone before. I was letting him into my world.

Looking back it probably came across as sweet, but also perhaps desperate which was not my intention; I’m just not into games.

He sent me a nice reply saying how he needed to have a serious think because the last thing he wants is to upset me. A day passes and I receive a message saying how lovely I am but he’s realising he hasn’t got time for someone at the moment, to the extent that he’s going to come off Match.com.

I don’t reply. I actually take the hint.

Then 5 days later, on Christmas day, he messages me.

Frank: “Merry Christmas”

Me: “Merry Christmas to you too. Hope cooking the christmas dinner went well.”

Frank: “Thanks a lot x”

I don’t reply.

Frank: “I would like to see you again”

I don’t get it. Why? What’s changed? Not a lot according to him but he felt it such a shame when we get on so well. So I go with it. Again, I should have stopped here. But the hope had been re-ignited and I couldn’t let it go.

We met up, watched a film together at his house, and like before, it was a good time. But again nothing came of it. He went away for another 3 weeks offshore and returned, ignoring my invite for me to return the favour and have him to come to mine to watch a film.

So, after some dutch courage from a friend, I bit the bullet and realised this was never going to happen. I told him I didn’t want a friend, that I couldn’t do this anymore and was going to focus my efforts on someone who wants to date me. That I wished him luck in finding someone when he was ready to.

And he sent me something nice back saying how it was nice to meet me and how I’ll find someone as I’ve got lots going for me.

Perhaps I do, but it doesn’t feel like it.

It feels like I’ve lost the only prospect I had, and not even a good one at that. It feels like there’ll be an emptiness where our funny conversations had been. It feels like I’ll never find anyone again.

My friends were right. I had just invested too much emotion in someone who was never going to like me as much as I liked them. I had allowed myself to be kept on a string, I had let myself be a fool. I’m disappointed in him, but more so in myself.

Letting go isn’t easy. It hurts right now. I know it’ll pass, I know I won’t be alone forever but it’s hard to see what hasn’t happened yet. Looking on the grateful side of things I am grateful for this valuable lesson. One of which I made myself learn the hard way.

I have learnt:

  • Never let someone string you along
  • Never compromise yourself
  • Never settle for someone who isn’t right
  • The fog of a potential new love clouds even the most rational of minds.
  • My friends are pretty much ALWAYS right. I should darn well listen next time because it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

So, it’s back to square one. No dates on the horizon, no one online catching my interest.

Here’s where the lesson of patience, and making the most of my singleton time comes in.

Stay tuned for more dating stories in the future; I still have from from past dates I haven’t yet shared with you. As always if you have any comments or thoughts always enjoy reading them.

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x

 

Dating Lesson #8 – Singledom Part 3

Evening all,

I haven’t been very well recently so I’m afraid all of my positive single mojo vanished for a little while, hence why I haven’t been blogging. BUT you’ll be pleased to hear I’m getting my positive cap back on and am ready to continue the “how great it is to be single” saga!

So lets get cracking…

Singledom Lesson #6 – Freedom

Quite possibly one of THE best things about being single!

Some people see it as being lonely; a recluse, a hermit, a sad way to be…living on your own. I happen to think otherwise. Why? Because I can do whatever I like, whenever I like!

Hey, fancy dancing like a crazy person in your underwear in the middle of the living room with the music blasting? Don’t mind if I do… How about going out on your own, sitting in a restaurant having a date night with yourself, eating whatever you like without worrying what someone will think of you, then hitting the cinema? That sounds perfect! Or if you’d rather you could just stay in for the whole weekend and binge on Netflix watching the entire “Making a Murderer” in one sitting? Errrrr who wouldn’t!?

I have never had so much freedom to do anything that takes my fancy. I have learnt and am continuing to learn that being alone, and living alone doesn’t have to be a miserable, boring, lonely time. It’s MY time. My time to choose to read a book from cover to cover, whilst sitting in silence and not having to make conversation with anyone. My time to hog the TV and anything I’d like to watch. My time to play the music I like, to run a bath, to go out and do something on my own, to learn a new skill, to play guitar, to watch random pointless video’s on youtube. And it’s absolutely 100% fine to do that!

Whatever makes you happy, whether you usually need someone to do it with or not, just go do it! I promise you although it will feel weird, it will be so liberating knowing that most things you would have done with someone you can do with your own very best friend; yourself.

The possibilities are endless; you can literally do anything you feel like. It makes me appreciate this time of being single, because in years to come I may not have as much freedom. I may have more responsibility, have other people to think about and take care of. Thats why it’s ok to be a little selfish when your single, to take some time to yourself and give yourself some “me” time. Because who knows when the right person will come along and sweep you off your feet. This is your time to grow as a person, and just be yourself entirely.

Singledom Lesson #7 – Dating

Unless you are one of those people who decides one person isn’t good enough in a relationship and goes wandering, when other time than being single can you have the opportunity to rummage through the abundance of men on this planet looking for the right one?

Yes granted, some of my dates, OK lets be honest…most of my dates and encounters with the male sex haven’t been ideal, they have still been dates; lessons if you will. I have learnt something about them, and about myself from each dating experience and it’s quite exciting knowing that maybe one of these dates may be the last, first date.

Now despite me trying to release my inner sexual goddess on a number of occasions (see previous blogs) I have come to the conclusion the bed, breakfast and goodbye scenario may not be for me. BUT, if you are someone who can do that, then blimey being single is a treasure trove of potential make out sessions, netflix and chills, and friends with benefits! You’re not tied to anyone. If you feel like it you could go to a bar, window shop a bit and go home with someone you fancy a bit of the sex with. Now having not experienced this myself I’m taking a guess at whether this is good or not, but if you take it for what it is with no emotional attachment, I reckon it would be pretty great.

But if you’re like me and find being intimate with someone more of an emotional thing to do with someone you trust, then this next point is equally as good…

Singledom Lesson #8 – New Love

Getting over a breakup isn’t always easy. To this day I’m not even sure I’m 100% over it. The scars are still there, I still get nervous if I see or hear something about him or his family, but I’m definitely getting there. But one of the good things about being single is learning what went wrong in the previous relationship, consciously deciding to try and improve on the things that you were able to control next time around (because there will be at one point or another a next time around), and moving on from it.

I haven’t given up on love. I still believe in the kind of love that exists in books and in films. I see how my parents are together and I know that that kind of love does happen. I still know in my heart of hearts that everyone deserves real, true, honest love and if you believe it enough, your thoughts will create your reality.

One thing that always makes me feel better when I begin to worry about not finding someone is this thought:

“Somewhere in the world, out there right now, is my soulmate…”

And one day when I least expect it he will enter my life and it will all make sense. The waiting. The nights of wondering if I should just settle so as not to feel alone or worrying if I’ll ever love someone again. The dates that went ok and thinking “meh, maybe it could work” then realising they’re not the right person for me.

How exciting it is to think that as each days passes the person you could be ridiculously happy with, who could turn your world upside down and show you what love is supposed to be like, is edging closer and closer until one day…there he is in front of you! How exciting to imagine and visualise, to feel those feelings that will manifest when you’re with him on that first date. The nerves, the shy excitement, that giddy happy feeling knowing you’ve found someone you can just click with. How exciting and wonderful to imagine what that first kiss could be like, how it may be the best kiss you’ve ever had! Any and all of those thoughts fill me with such positivity that I feel immensely happy, and it hasn’t even happened yet!

I can’t wait for those feelings to turn into reality. To feel that sense of belonging, safety, security, and pure love to fill my being. I’m learning to create those within myself as I can be all I need, but having it from someone else too will be amazing.

And with that person a new, exciting chapter of my life will start.

Now if thats not one good thing about being single, knowing that all that is going to happen sometime in the future, I don’t know what is!

 

I hope for anyone reading this who is single, that this has helped you feel better about your situation (if you weren’t happy with it that is!). I hope these blogs help you to see some of the good that can come out of being on your own. This is just another phase in my life, which I aim to get as much out of as possible before it’s too late, and I hope this inspires you to do the same 🙂

Thank you for taking the time to read this. As always I’d love to hear any thoughts anyone has so please do comment if you’d like.

All the best, and until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #8 – Singledom: Part 2

Welcome to the second instalment of why being single can be pretty darn awesome!

So in the continuing theme from yesterdays post lets get right down to it!

Singledom Lesson #3 -There is no rush!

I used to sit around thinking to myself “I’m going to be alone forever…I’m going to be single for the rest of my life…I’m never going to have a boyfriend again or get married or do all the things I want to do with someone else”.

Do you know what I’ve realised in my year and four months of being single? I’ve not really in the grand scheme of things even been single that long! People go years without having another relationship. Men and women who have lost their life-long partners sometimes decide to never let love in again, some people decide to be single for their entire lives. I need to chill the F out! I’m 27 for crying out loud with hopefully a good 50+ years ahead of me yet there I was with this somber attitude about being single.

Well folks thats all changed. Sure I get moments where thoughts like that may cross my mind but I am confident that at some point in my life I will find someone I love again. I have faith and am comforted by the thought that sometime, someday, probably in the way I least expect, that it will happen. As they say, what you think creates your reality and despite those occasional worried thoughts, I believe with that one solid, true, belief that I hold about finding love again, that love will find me.

It provides me with the most valuable asset we all try to get as much of as possible; time.

Without the worry of “will I ever find someone” it switches my thinking back to being grateful again. Grateful that I have this time of being single to do the things I want to do with my life before I share them with someone else. To have time for myself. To do the things I’ve always wanted to do before I may not be able to in the future.

I now look at being single as a treasured time, a precious phase of opportunity which I should grasp with both hands and use to live life to the fullest.

Singledom Lesson #4 – Taking Opportunities

Friends:

“Hey fancy going on holiday with me this year?”

“Fancy going to this festival with me?”

“Would you like to come travelling with me round this country?”

Yes, yes, and hell yes!

There’s no thought required anymore. If there’s something fun being offered and I have the funds to be able to do it, I’m there. Do I have to consult with my partner to make sure I can go? No. Do I have to worry about if I have enough money so that we’re both comfortable with finances? No. My money is my money. My time is free to spend as I wish.

Do I want to learn a new hobby? Sign Language? Learn to paint? Sure lets do it!

Since becoming single I have done more than I have in the 3 years being in a relationship since university. I’ve travelled to more places in a year than I can remember, been to my first music festival, spent more time with friends and family, taken up a new pastime, tried new things. Life has so much to give to someone, anyone in fact not just single people. But being single has opened my eyes up to all the possibilities. I have more life ambitions that ever before, and I love the freedom I currently have.

I feel like the options are limitless at the moment. If I wanted to up and move across the other side of the world, I could! I won’t, but I could…

Singledom Lesson #5- Working on myself

I’d been in a relationship since I was 16. I would be confident in certain aspects of life; I knew with enough work I could succeed in a career. I could chat to people despite having social anxiety. University helped me come out of my shell the most. But I can honestly say I don’t think I ever truly loved myself, or even began to love myself at all. I always put others first. I would put myself down with negative thoughts about my self image, my appearance, how I would never be attractive, how I wasn’t really wanted there when I hung out with my friends.

Since becoming single, I have begun to learn how to truly love myself. Im not there yet by any means but had I stayed in that relationship I would have never come across such inspirational friends and writers to help me on the path to self love. Louise Hay is an inspiration to me. I read a lot of self help books about how to be a better person e.g. How to Make Friends and Influence People, The Power of Now.

I took a long hard honest look at myself and my life. I went to therapy; something I never thought I’d do or even need.

Affirmations and being kind to myself have changed my life. All because I became single.

I still get anxious about social situations. I still worry about my appearance. I think that’s only human. But the difference between myself then, and now, is a marked improvement and I’m excited to continue using my free time as a singleton to further develop my self love and love for others.

 

There’s still more to come; I’m not done with how great being single is just yet so keep your eyes peeled for another blog soon. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to comment. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

CountryGirl x

Dating Lesson #8 -Singledom: Part 1

Good evening to you all and thanks for joining!

The dating scene has been a little dry recently (oh don’t worry I’ve still got some stories to tell!) so it’s given me some time to think about where I am and about being a member of the land of singledom.

So a slightly different lesson plan today folks, but it’ll be bright and cheerful none the less.

It’s been one year and four months since I became an elite member of the singles club. I thought being single would be a handicap. I thought people would come up to me and be all “Oh, your single? Oh I’m so sorry, why can’t you seem to find a man?!”, and on the rare occasion that has happened. I thought I would be miserable, sat at home like a loner with no one to spend time with or cuddle up to. Basically I saw being single in a very negative light, probably because I hadn’t been without a boyfriend in a looooong time and the thought scared the life out of me!

Being in a relationship can be pretty darn great. Being in a relationship seems to be the socially accepted thing to do. You find someone, possibly even “settle” for someone, get married, get a house, have children. It’s the done thing for the vast majority of people and at some point in the future I hope to do those things too. Being single seems to be seen as something undesirable; a way of living that isn’t by choice but forced upon someone by the breakdown of a relationship. Something people seem to be sympathetic towards.

But you know what? Being single is pretty blooming great too!

I’ve learnt so much since becoming a single lady (All the single ladies? All the single ladies! All the single ladies? All the single ladies! Put your hands UP!), and I’d like to share with you the lessons I’ve learned so far about being unattached that make it so darn good…

Singledom Lesson #1 – Gratitude

This is the seldom most important lesson I have learnt thus far since being on my own. In the early weeks and months following my break-up, it was hard to stay upbeat all the time. In fact if you asked my friends at the time they’d probably say I was a pretty big crying mess of a person! But a simple and easy way for me to remain positive and happier came along when a friend (and the book they gave me) suggested I write a gratitude list every day of all the things in my life I was grateful for.

I can safely say this is one of the most valuable lessons I have EVER learnt. It turns my attention to all the wonderful, fantastic things and people in my life. It makes me remember everything good, simple and pure in my life. The simplest, teeny tiny things that usually get taken for granted don’t escape my focus anymore. Such basic, life-giving gifts that so rarely get thought about but that so many in the world go without. Clean water. Available food. A roof over my head. Warmth. A bed. Clothes. People who love me and who I love being part of my life.

It never ceases to make me stop and go “WOW. I am SO lucky to have all these things! I am SO lucky to have been given the opportunity for an education, to have healthcare, to be able to go to university, to have time to have fun”. And it always puts a positive spin on my day. Ever since the day I picked up that pen and wrote in my journal for the first time my gratitude list, I make one in my head or on paper every day of what I am grateful for in my life.

And I’ll never stop being grateful for that. For being given the chance to learn this lesson.

Singledom Lesson #2 – Friends and Family

I have never been more grateful for the caring, lovely, funny, wonderful friends in my life since becoming single.

I’ve never been one to ditch my friends when I’m in a relationship; I liked to have my own life outside the “us” that was my boyfriend and I.

But when you go through a break-up you realise how many friends you truly have, and I was very lucky to have lots and lots of people gather round and support me when I needed it. They stayed with me in my house to comfort me when I woke up most mornings crying, they made me laugh when I felt like curling up into a ball, they forced me to go out and socialise when all I fancied doing was staying in my house and moping. They were my ROCKS. They were, and ARE everything to me, as are my family. They are my extended family, and I don’t know what I would do without them. So if any of you are reading this, I love you a hell of a lot!

I am also more grateful than I have ever been for my family. I’ve never appreciated so much just how much they have done for me, and how deep their love goes. My pain after the breakup was their pain. My tears became their tears. My hurting heart made theirs hurt. It made me realise how deeply connected with them I am despite how much or little we tell each other we love each other out loud.

My family have never been the “I love you” sort, but we all know. Its a given between us all. If there was ever a family emergency, we’d all be there for one another in an instant. But going through a break up has highlighted how much I love them. I hug them more, I tell them more how much I value them, the bond has deepened further than I knew it could.

So again, if any of you are reading this, I love you dearly.

To be continued…

Wow I’ve said more than I was expecting and only covered two amazing parts of being single! Im itching to write the next instalment already! Stay tuned for more in the following days, and I hope this has put a smile on your face.

Thoughts and comments are always welcome 🙂

See you soon,

CountryGirl x