It Could Only Happen to Me…Part 4:The Conclusion

Well hello dear readers.

I have had a very long hiatus from blogging with no real excuse other than I’ve been super busy. But fear not…I had yet to conclude the unfortunate events that occurred in October, which resulted in me dating two cousins.

So let us continue…

After a good few days with nothing from either party I decided it was time to figure out where Matthew stood on the scenario. Marcus was a lost cause. I messaged him expressing my dismay that I didn’t even really get the chance to see where things went. We both had very kind words to say about each other, and left it at that. So with that in mind I needed to know what Matthew thought about the whole thing.

We arranged to speak on the phone four days after discovering the situation. And to my shock he was fine about everything. He took the stance that I was free, single, and it was only one date. He didn’t really see why it was such a big deal for Marcus. I agreed with him and we agreed to keep in contact. In retrospect, perhaps this should have been another warning sign; perhaps the fact he didn’t see it as a big deal meant he wasn’t particularly invested in me or pursuing a relationship with me. But we carried on regardless.

Things moved painfully slowly. I kept getting mixed signals. I’d drop hints about meeting, compliment and tease him in a playful way to make him aware I wasn’t interested in just a texting conversation the whole time. But he’d never directly ask me out. We’d text back and forth daily, each taking turns to initiate the texting, but still no meeting in person. Eventually, after quite a lot of hints, we ended up going on a second date.

We met at an independent cinema, and watched a film together which we had to sneak into as we were a tad late. The film was a prequel to a much larger film franchise, and because Matthew hadn’t seen the previous films I was happy to get close to him and whisper in his ear about things he didn’t know, as we were watching.

Unlike my date at the cinema with Marcus where I’d been comfortable enough sitting and laughing, spilling popcorn over each other, on this one there was an excitable tension. I found myself hoping he would take my hand in his. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. I wanted to be near him.

The date continued after the film as we walked through the streets of the city staring at the newly placed Christmas lights. We walked through a beautiful tunnel of lights positioned in the main shopping area. A romantic spot I felt, but again I got nothing from Matthew. No hand holding, no closeness. I began to wonder if he was even interested in me. I figured if he wasn’t he’d have made an excuse to end the date right? We found ourselves hungry and ended up in a famous fish and chip restaurant where I felt like he opened up more. Conversation flowed easily and we enjoyed playful banter. I was enjoying myself and perhaps he was too.

On the way back to the car a rather uneasy looking man came up to us shaking a bucket in our faces and asking for money for Charity. The tattoo of a needle across his neck and his general demeanour said otherwise, as did his reaction when I responded with “I’m sorry I’ve just used it”, to which he replied said “Oh come on…GIVE me your money”. I felt threatened, and Matthew and I walked swiftly to the car.

Now this was the moment I’ll remember because after all his mixed signals,  I told him I had felt slightly worried back there and he showed his protective, manly, very attractive side by saying he would have punched the guy had he come any closer to me. I felt safe, I felt he cared. Perhaps I read too much into it but to me that seemed like a sign he wanted to protect me. He liked me enough he wanted to keep me safe. That he was a good guy. Someone who wouldn’t mess a girl around.

Like a gentleman he dropped me off at my house and we said our goodbyes.

Then limbo started again. He’d message me often, asking me how my day was, seemingly showing an interest but also seeming to forget things I’d said to him before. It went on for a while and I began to give up.

Eventually we went on date three. Another whole month later.

He picked me up and we went to the woods for a walk followed by a coffee in a cosy pub, which to my surprise went on until mid afternoon.

It was just me, him, and the trees. We talked, we laughed, we joked. Me being typical me I partly submerged myself in a stream after thinking it wasn’t deep at all, to which he found very amusing. We even meditated which may sound silly but it was so peaceful. I felt grounded to the world around me and it was nice to be able to share one of my favourite places to do that in, with him. I must admit most of the time I was wondering if I could kiss him but I thought that would have probably been a bit odd, and it would have caught him completely of guard seeing as his eyes were closed. I did steal a sneaky peak at him from time to time though.

It was an all round really lovely date. But time was running out. It was date three, and Matthew still hadn’t made any romantic move on me. I knew that if I left this one in the same way, and it ended up being the same back and fourth messaging again that I’d have to call it quits, and regret never having done anything.

So…when he pulled up outside my house I took it upon myself to make the first move. It probably wasn’t the most romantic of ways to do it as I proposed that if I didn’t kiss him now I’d regret it, but he didn’t back off either. We kissed, just once.

I can only speak for me but I felt it was a good first kiss. A slight linger, nothing too full on. Sweet would have probably been a fitting word. I said thank you for the date, although I said it WAY too soon after the kiss which made it sound like I was in fact thanking him for letting me kiss him (I know, cringey), and left the car. Nevertheless, I was on cloud nine. I left that car smiling from ear to ear.

I hadn’t felt this way about someone since my ex. Perhaps not even him.

Again, within a few hours of the date he had messaged me which I took as a good sign, but that quickly slipped back into the same texting pattern as before; Matthew not moving things on, and me left wondering where on earth I went wrong.

I didn’t like it, it wasn’t easy, but I had gone down this road before. Enough was enough. The budding romance I was so hoping would happen just wasn’t manifesting, and as much as I liked this guy, as much as I wanted to be able to kiss him again, for him to show me that he wanted me, it just wasn’t going to happen.

I sent a final message explaining I wanted to be with someone who was 100% wanting to be with me, who wanted to show me how much they were interested, who wanted to see me as often as they could. He replied but unfortunately it confirmed what I had hoped wasn’t, but deep down knew to be the case…

And that was two months ago.

Have I heard from him since? No. Had I secretly hoped I would? Yes. Do I still fancy him and hope he comes to his senses? Hell Yes. But then again he’s already shown me he’s not interested. Perhaps its too late. Perhaps I would worry he’d do it again.

I know where I went wrong. I invested too soon. Again. I liked him the first time he walked into my workplace and I dreamed about it ever since. Before he even knew anything about me or the fact I liked him. Before I even knew him.

I dived in too willingly.

I guess I still need to learn a few things about dating.


What Really Matters…

Today I was looking through old photo’s from years gone by. With each picture that I saw, the more and more memories came rushing back to me as though they had only happened yesterday. It filled me with nostalgia. With longing for past years. Most of all, it filled me with love.

It made me have a moment of realisation.

Love is everything. Nothing else matters. Kindness, generosity, happiness, all comes from love. It doesn’t matter what car you drive or how big your house is. What matters, and what will matter when you leave this world is the love you put into it, and the love you gave to other people. No one will remember how much money you earned, or what designer clothes you wore. They will remember your kindness, your willingness to help, your actions that influenced their lives.



An appreciation for everyone, and everything.

Those are the things that really matter.

People have come in and gone from my life. I don’t regret a single one of them. Each person has taught me a lesson, has been a friend for different reasons. The friendships that were meant to last, have done so. I feel so overwhelmed when I think about all the love I have for these people. For the people that I care about. It’s amazing to think about how many connections you will make with people as you go through life. Every day there are possibilities to understand someone on a deeper level, to form a lasting bond.

I love all of them. I am grateful for all of them.





A World Of Opportunity

Walking is beautifully therapeutic and grounding.

After recent events, this weekend has been a chance for me to remember what’s important in life. The things we take for granted. The things in life that are free. Appreciating the simplest moments, the smallest of goings on in the big wide world. Living life in the now.

If being single has taught me one thing, its how to find myself. How to be a better person. How to live for today.

It’s given me the opportunity to further my understanding of the world around me, improve on myself, and taught me how to give back to the world. When you haven’t got someone beside you all the while you realise there’s so much you can give, to everyone. A simple smile, a warm greeting, a kind gesture.

In most of my everyday life I always feel rushed. There’s always a list of things to do, people to see, connections to maintain. I often feel like there’s no time to relax. To stop and take note. In the past I’ve turned to meditation for this. I’ve started to once again,

I also read a lot of self help books. I don’t necessarily read them to make myself amazing. I read them because every time I do they open my mind and soul up to something bigger than myself. This power, this way of thinking that I didn’t think was possible. Something switches on in my head, a door opens. It’s like an addiction. These moments of clarity where the world makes sense. Where the world is good and pure. Where my dreams are possible. Where everything in this life is precious, and amazing, and everything is within reach. I read them for this.

A walk in the woods today gave me that same clarity. As I walked, I kept my focus on my breath, and the sensations around me. Everything around me as I was walking on this sunny, crisp, autumn day became incredible.

The air felt pure and clean within my lungs. Imagining these gentle giants absorbing my carbon dioxide to give the air new life, new fuel for it’s inhabitants, became fascinating. I noticed the colour of every leaf. The beauty of the natural world. The crisp crunching of dry and damp leaves beneath my feet. It was so peaceful, so serene.

As I sat on a log alone it was so quiet. Quiet enough for me, as I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing, to notice the pine needles falling from the trees. To hear the bracken rustling gently in the breeze. To hear the natural cracks of the twigs and branches around me.

It. was. amazing.

As I began to walk back to the real world through the depths of the forest, the more I looked, the more I saw. Mushrooms began to appear as if from nowhere; scattering the forest floor. Life was everywhere. Even on the floor of a forest coming to the end of its time for the year, life was still blooming amongst the debris.

It made me take note that nothing is impossible. I am reassured by the processes of life. That nothing lasts forever. That now, in this moment, is the time to treasure. One day someone will come along who will be everything I’ve ever wanted. Who knows when that may be, but in the meantime this chapter of my life is precious.

Life isn’t about success with material things. It’s about appreciating the fact that we’re alive. Appreciating nature and the world around us. Cherishing all of it. It’s about being the best version of yourself to illicit great, inspiring feelings in others.

No one will remember how much was in your bank account. They will remember how you made them feel. It makes me want to be kind to everyone and everything I come into contact with. It fills me with such love for everyone and everything that I could burst. I want to make everyone feel loved.

So when people roll their eyes at me for reading self help books, or going for a walk on my own, I don’t mind. Because if they felt what I do when I get those moments of clarity, they’d be hooked too.

I hope you all have had a fantastic weekend.

Part 4 of “It could only happen to me” to follow in the near future. x

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 3

The day after the date with Matthew. Halloween.

I send a text to Marcus whom I was texting last night after the date, but fell asleep. I sent him a picture of me with a chocolate ghost and scared face. A bit playful.

I’d had a hard night with other goings on in my life and as I was sat discussing said goings on with my parents, I receive a message from Marcus.

Word for word, this is what it said.

Marcus: “I’m currently at a children’s Halloween party. My cousins child, a very sugary affair. Something strange has just happened though. It turns out that you went on a  date with my other cousin last night. Haha. Matthew. Which is so unlikely and strange.”

Errrrrrr, I’m sorry? What did you just say?!

Me: ” That’s ridiculous. What are the chances”

Matthew: “Yeah pretty weird. Im not sure how I feel about it. I think you’re really nice but it would be too weird to go out again. I think.”

I literally have no words. No. Words.

Of all the people, in all the world, why oh dear god why did the only two people I’ve liked in the last six months or so have to be COUSINS!? I had no idea. There was NO indication at any point that they were related. They didn’t look the same, didn’t talk the same, didn’t live in the same places, had different surnames, were different ages. HOW was I supposed to know?

Needless to say I am upset. Embarrassed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Even though Marcus has said it’s not my fault. I never in a million years expected this to be the case. I feel like I’m in an episode of Poldark.

Why? Just why?

I would have rather spoken to Marcus over the phone to hear his reasoning and just talk it out or even say goodbye over the phone, but he hasn’t messaged since he said it wasn’t my fault.

As for Matthew? Who knows. I’ve heard nothing, and don’t expect to if I was being honest. He probably wants to get as far as humanly possible away from me. I feel like I have to start all over again. My hopes are in tatters. I will, almost certainly pick myself within the next few days and get back on the wagon (or at least I hope to) but for now, tonight I am expecting to mourn the loss of two great guys I would have hopefully had the chance to get to know better.

I guess now I’ll never know who could have been more.

If anything changes, expect un update in the future. Part 4; the conclusion.

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 1.

It’s a bit too early to tell this story but it’s so ridiculously unbelievable I just need to write this as it’s happening. The night it’s happening. I may not post it for a few days but this was written as it occurred, and will continue to be written as it occurs.

As far as writing a dating blog goes, this is SOLID GOLD. I couldn’t have predicted this, or made this up it’s just so weird. So unexpected. So bloody annoying.

I’m sitting here half an hour after reading the text that lead me to this  blog, and I still can’t quite believe it. Every time I think about it I just think  ‘This could only happen to me. What are the chances!?’

Lets start from the start.

I had fancied someone I knew from work for a while. We shall call him Matthew. You know when you just know you fancy someone? It doesn’t happen very often to me but when it does I can tell. He had the most gorgeous smile and warm brown eyes. I would speak to him professionally, knowing that he would never be a prospect because of work rules. So I admired from afar.

A year or so ago I came across him on Then again on POF. Then again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign; perhaps it wasn’t just coincidence.

So being the random impulsive person that I am I took it upon myself last christmas to send him a message. Completely innocent, a kind of Love Actually moment. You know the bit I mean? When Kiera Knightly’s husbands best friend is standing outside pretending it’s carol singers, with boards telling her how her really feels knowing he can’t act on them? Yes, that bit.

I was polite, and just told him he seemed like a nice guy and if he’d like to I’d be interested to get to know him better. He replied, and we would have met up but christmas came and went, and the next thing I’m being told is that he was going to get back with his ex.

‘OK, no biggy‘ I thought. I left it at that and told him nothing would change; I would still be professional towards him at work.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and we matched on Tinder. Four. Consecutive. Times. I have a habit of deleting my account after a week realising I’m bored and no-one EVER talks, then in a moment of weakness start up my account again. Obviously I wasn’t going to swipe left on him…but I wasn’t expecting him to swipe right on me after he declined previously. But, he did swipe right. Four separate times. Deliberately.

This time round however I wasn’t going to message. The ball was in his court. And to my surprise he messaged me! “Yey!”you might say. Oh… wait.

Around the same time, I also matched with another guy on Tinder. We shall call him Marcus. Now Marcus was good fun right off the bat. He had interesting pictures, good conversation, and I was able to flirt with him and joke around. He was extremely fun to chat to and I felt a connection. Now Marcus didn’t beat around the bush. After a few exchanges back and forth over the course of a few days, he asked me out. By this time I’d already ascertained he was one of the most interesting people I’d spoken to on Tinder, nay, any dating site since joining them. He reminded me of Frank (see previous blog here), but much more confident in his approach to dating. In fact I’d go so far as to say he had the dating lingo down and he was very clear in his approach.

So, we went on a date. A yummy dinner date at a Pan Asian and Sushi restaurant, followed by a drink at a pub. I could not fault him. He dressed well, he spoke well, the conversation flowed. We shared similar interests, had a similar intellect, shared similar dreams and ambitions. We laughed, we drank, we enjoyed each others company. It was probably the best first date I’ve had so far. And we got on well; the connection was real.

The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure if I fancied him or not. But hey, I’d only met him once and I’ve learnt that if you’re not sure, that’s not a reason not to see someone again. Love and attraction comes with time and he ticked pretty much every other box so I was going to give Marcus a fighting chance.

I should mention that while this was going on Matthew and I were on and off chatting, but I hadn’t managed to move the conversation to texting, a phone call, or a date. The texts were sporadic but he’d told me what his working week was like, so I trusted him when he said he was really busy with work and didn’t go on Tinder much. Eventually, we spoke via text message. But by this point Marcus had already asked me out on a second date.

More to come, keep an eye out xx


Dating Lesson #13 – Not-So Shiver Me Timbers

I’ve not posted for so long I’ve actually begun to forget some of the dates I’ve yet to have written about, but seeing as this one has come to me I felt the need to share. After all, sharing is caring.

The dating scene had been quiet for a while and I had decided to take a break; I came off Tinder, I came off OK Cupid, and thought “I’ll have some me time”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me because how could they? I’d removed myself from the dating scene. So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue I get a text from a number I don’t recognise.

“Hi CountryGirl, remember me? It’s Phil; the guy who lives on a boat? Thought I’d see how you are as we got on well but never met up…”.

I feel at this point I should make it clear it had been a while. Two whole months to be exact since I had exchanged numbers with this guy… Who does that? Who keeps a random girl’s number on their phone when I’d come offline two months before? One of two explanations crossed my mind:

  1. He’s a really lovely guy who kept it in the hope we’d keep texting
  2. He’s a psycho who just wants to get laid.

I was optimistic and went for the former.

So erring on the side of caution I decided to reply but kept things light and non-committal. We ended up exchanging pleasantry’s for a couple of days when he asked me out. Result! Well, why not? What have I got to lose?

We decided to meet at a local bar-come restaurant on a lovely summers evening. We sat outside by the river. It soon became clear that this guy was lovely, but not quite for me. He was really quite shy, and kept apologizing for himself. I’d ask him about certain things I’d learnt about him since chatting; playing the violin, being part of a folk band, carpentry. He had some real talents. But for some reason he couldn’t see it. Every time I gave him a compliment or wanted to find out more about him he’d put himself down.

Example 1.

Me: “That’s pretty cool that you play in a folk band! You must be good.”

Him: “Oh no, no. Not really. I’m not very good”

Me: “You may be better than you give yourself credit for!”

Example 2.

Me: “You’ve been traveling? I’d love to hear about it”

Him: “It’s really not that exciting and a bit of  a long story, I’d bore you. Oh god I’m boring you aren’t I”

Me: “Not at all, I’d be interested to hear”

Him: “Well to cut a long story short…”

Just tell  me the story!

Etc, etc.

It’s a real shame. He seemed like a genuine, pleasant guy, but there was just no self confidence, no assurance or self belief.

I could see my old self reflected in his attitudes towards himself. It was like I was looking into the past at what I must have been like when my ex broke up with me and if I’d gone on a date then what I’d have been like.

Perhaps he’d had a big knock. Perhaps he’d always been like it. Who knows, but unfortunately I’d decided by the end of the date he wasn’t for me. I needed someone with self confidence. Not arrogance, just someone who respects themselves and doesn’t put themselves down all the time. I’d been the stronger one in a relationship before, and was certain that wasn’t what I wanted again.

After becoming single, I’d learnt about my own self worth and had changed for the better in that respect towards myself. It was strange seeing it from the other side rather than being the one who felt worthless, or at least projecting that view of themselves to other people.

A few days later he messaged me and asked me out again. I let him down gently (at least I think I did), told him he was a lovely guy, but that I didn’t think we were compatible. I got a rather rude reply back with a sarcastic comment at the end. I think he may have even asked if there was anything he could improve on. I so desperately wanted to tell him to work on his own self esteem, but thought better of it; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even more.

Needless to say I never heard from him again.









Dating Lesson #12- Zero Dark Flirty


After a while of being on POF and being little bit more proactive, I started talking to a guy code named “Mark”.

He was chatty, flirty, and came across as quite confident. After a few days of talking he asked me out on a date. Because we both had things planned during the days and evenings (us being such socialites),we arranged to go on a breakfast date. I know right…very cosmopolitan!

We decided to go to a cafe near where he lived and is a short drive from me. It’s quite a hip, vintagey, bits-and-bobs type venue. A cool place to hang out and have breakfast, an afternoon tea venue, and in the evenings changed into this awesome bar, come mini club playing “Kill Bill” on a projector whilst retro 80’s music boomed across the crowded dance floor. ANYWAY, I digress.

So I arrive early, and he strolls up looking even more attractive than he appeared on his pictures, and I’m thinking “yes! finally someone I’m attracted to physically!”. Now I know that looks aren’t the be all and end all, in fact far from it, but when you’re online dating that is the single most important thing that gets you interested in someones profile. I also feel there has to be some physical attraction initially in order to want to get to know the person on a romantic level. So that was the first big tick. All my other dates had been nice and the guy wasn’t unattractive, but I didn’t get that “yes, I fancy you” feeling.

So we hug, go inside and get ourselves seated at an arcade table which turns out to be a great conversation starter! He’d got great arms I noticed; obviously works out or plays sport. He’d got great eyes, and unusually for me he was blond; not what I’d usually go for. And the more I find out about him the more I like him.

He played rugby – big tick in my book! He’d been to university and low and behold it turns out he went to the same city as I did for uni, just the rival campus; what are the chances! He’s close with his sister, likes kids, has ambition, is a manager for a gym and was a personal trainer. He was well spoken,witty, articulate, and intelligent. For me this was, and is pretty much what I’m after in a potential romance, so I was overjoyed!

Obviously, I tried to play it cool. I made jokes, flirted as best as someone like me can (that is to say I do not know how to play the game!), and was generally open and engaging.

We played a bit of Pac-man, realised that we’d been in there nearly two hours, and called time on the date.

Now, as we left I made a bit of a mistake in how I handled the goodbye. This is only from a book I read, but you should let your date know if you had a good time, but not suggest another date or seem too keen. I however, on walking away from him said “I’ll text you”.

Not cool country girl. Not cool at all. I immediately knew I’d made a mistake as soon as the words left my lips, but the damage was done and I would have to be the one to text first. My only saving grace is that he replied with “make sure you do…”

“YES!” I thought. “He must like me if he wants me to text him”.

So again, I tried to play by the rules of dating, or what I think are the rules of dating; you should leave it at least 24 hours before texting. I was patient, and did exactly that. It wasn’t anything big, just something along the lines of “Thanks for a great time. How was London?” (He’d gone there to see friends after the date).

Did I get a reply? No. Did I want one? My god yes.

Eventually he did respond, but each time I replied (in a not so eager manner) I didn’t hear anything for at least 3 days.

I didn’t understand. It had gone so well. I was gutted.

One evening about a two weeks after the first date he decided to see if I was going out on the town. I said I wasn’t but he tried to get me to come out and “bring my friends”. I declined, and told him if he’d like to go out again for another date I’d be more than happy to. He said he’d check his calendar…

…and I never heard from him again.

Why? Who knows. But I do know the following:

  1. I should have taken the hint when talking about Netflix and he replied “yeah but no Netflix-and-chill sadly”, that perhaps we was looking for a hook up.
  2. I should NOT have said that I’d text him.
  3. That he just wasn’t that into me.

As hard as that is to hear myself say, he wasn’t. I can’t control how the date felt for him. Perhaps I wasn’t his type. Perhaps my confidence put him off. Perhaps he suspected I wanted to do things properly, and he wanted casual fun. I don’t know and I’ll never know. But if he was interested, he’d have made the effort.

That is one lesson time and time again I haven’t yet quite grasped. I am worth being chased. I am worth a phone call. I am worth dating.

Slowly but surely, that is registering somewhere in me. As you will see later though, I haven’t got it, just yet.

As a small side note, is it just me or do other people out there wish that if a guy wasn’t interested you could get some feedback on your date? What they didn’t like, what they did, what could be improved on? Thats the one thing with dating that really gets me. How will I know if I’m a good date if no one ever tells you if it’s good or not?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love as always,

Country girl x


Baby Got Back.


Wow. It has been AGES since I updated my blog! Apologies.

Honestly, I just fancied a break from the whole dating thing. After a while it becomes like social media; an automatic reflex to do on your phone, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be free from the commitments of checking my profile, updating photos, deleting messages from people who can only be bothered to say “hi”.

I can confidently say it was great…for a while.

I got my life back! Suddenly I found myself making my time much more productive. I started a crochet project and made a cute elephant for my friends baby. I did more exercise. I worried less about what people thought about me and just enjoyed doing things for me. There was no pressure to make an effort with men online and it was empowering. I was on a dating holiday; a hiatus from the stresses of keeping up POF, Tinder and OK Cupid appearances. I was sunning myself up on the hypothetical beach of the island ‘Nondatius’.

I spent a good three months not worrying about dating and began to feel more like me again, without the annoying thoughts of:

Do I like this guy? Should I go on another date with him? Why isn’t he relpying? Oh wait it’s only been an hour. Three days later..WHY isn’t he replying!? Maybe I should message him…NO countrygil, NO. Don’t you dare! You are worth more than that and you don’t want to appear desperate. OH but why won’t he reply? Whats wrong with me? Why can I not seem to find someone decent?  I think my heads going to explode…AAARRRRGGGH!!!

Etc, Etc.

Problem was, I wasn’t really meeting anyone new either. I always thought, and hoped, that when I do meet my match it would be organically. There’d be no online dating involved…Drifts off into a romantic dreamy daze…I bump into someone in the post office, dropping my letters all over the floor. He helps me pick them up and then as we rise together we look into each others eyes and get that instant click of chemistry. Or through a friend, or maybe even through work. A spontaneous arrival at my workplace to ask me out. A phone call offering to take me out to dinner. You know, good old fashioned dating. Where a guy chases a girl, where he knows how to behave whilst still having a cheeky flirt. Does anyone else have this problem? Not being able to meet people in day to day life?

Perhaps that will still happen. Perhaps it won’t. But regardless, meeting men in this day and age just doesn’t seem very easy.

So, after three lovely men-free months I’ve decided to brave it again, if for nothing other than more dating practice and for when Mr Right comes along. Oh, and of course for you blogging amusement!

I’ve still got a few stories up my sleeve so stay tuned for much more regular posts than there has been recently.

As always, comments are always welcome. Would love to hear of similar experiences of people who don’t particularly like online dating but can’t seem to meet men otherwise.

See you soon!

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #11- Hands Off My Popcorn!

Well good day to you fine sir/lady.

Welcome to another instalment of Thedatebookblog! Now this is a story all about how, a guy went way too fast and freaked me out, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I had to stop it all before marriage was in the air.

Slightly different tale to usual this time as I actually met this guy “organically”. That is to say there were no computers of any kind used in the initial meeting of this person. He was living with someone from work (Samantha, Sam for short) who I had volunteered to be a guinea pig for as she was learning a new hobby and needed wiling subjects.

Before I’d even met him I had built up an idea of what this guy might be like, as the first time I saw Sam for her to practice on me I had been discussing my ex and what I didn’t want in a man anymore; plays on xbox all the time, no ambition, watches TV al the time, etc. She had gone “Oh that sounds a bit like Tom who lives here, he likes his games and tv series”.

“Riiiiigggghhhhttt” I had thought, and then it had exited my mind as fast as it had entered it.

The next time I went to see her I met Tom in the kitchen whilst she was “getting the room ready”. Getting the room ready, phuh! I now realise it was all just a plan to put me in a room with Tom so we’d start talking! He was a nice guy to chat to. He had a lovely smile. He was engaging, and friendly, and easy to talk to. After about 15 minutes of being in the kitchen with him and learning a little about why he lived with my friend, the room was ready and he left us to it. Again, as soon as he’d left I thought nothing of it really, just that he seemed like a nice guy.

A few days later I had to text Sam to let her know how I was feeling about her treatment.

“Tom’s been talking about you last night and how lovely you were. I think he’d like to ask you out! Can I give him your number?”

“Sure” I replied. Seeing as this was the first nice guy I’d met and not even online it was definitely worth a go.

For some reason one date wasn’t enough to organise to start with so I ended up making plans to see Tom on a Saturday for a coffee in town, then again the following Friday for a cinema trip. The first date went pretty well! He was friendly, warm, and interesting. We talked about everything under the sun, I learnt about his family, his past, our interests and hobbies. Unfortunately despite him being a lovely genuine guy I wasn’t sure if I felt any romantic chemistry towards him and I picked up on quite a few differences between us.

But, the second date had already been line up and I needed to figure out whether there was any romantic chemistry there.

As Tuesday came around I began to get nervous as he’d been a little “hands on” at the first date which I wasn’t used to. He’d also text me very shortly afterwards saying how he’d had a fantastic time, how time had flown by, how we’ve got so much more still to talk about, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again. Don’t get me wrong that was all very nice to hear, but because I wasn’t sure I found it a bit heavy after one meeting. I was tempted to text and say I didn’t think meeting again was a good idea, but I received a text saying he’d already booked and paid for the tickets. I was going whether I was considering backing out or not.

Friday evening arrived and we had arranged for him to pick me up at a nearby supermarket. From the moment we had an initial hug to say hello I don’t think his hand left contact with some part of my body for most of the remaining evening. From walking the short distance to the car with his hand on the small of my back, to touching my thigh periodically on the way to the cinema, to again the small of my back from the car park to the cinema; it didn’t stop.

I know I know, I get it. He was just showing his interest, and if it had been every now and then I would have found it a nice gesture. But the fact that on every other date I’d been on that hadn’t happened, and the fact it was a little too often for my liking made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do really so I just didn’t touch him in any way similar; I didn’t want to give him any signs that I liked it or wanted more of it.

The conversation continued to flow nicely. I paid for the popcorn and drinks to say thank you, and he was even sweet enough to buy me a book for a flight I was taking a few days later.

We were waiting outside the cinema when he mentioned if I was a fan of Star Wars.

Me: “Not really I’m afraid”

Tom: “Well I was just wondering because my sister, her partner and I are going to go and watch it when it comes out and I asked if I could bring you along.”

Me: “You want me to meet your family on the third date?”

Tom: “No, just my sister and her partner”

I’m sorry, but that’s family! There’s other reasons too about parents but I won’t go into them.

Me: “Well like I said I’m not much of a Star Wars fan so lets discuss it when I’m back from my holiday.”

And it was left at that. The doors opened and we were allowed to our seats for the film.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I go to the cinema I go to WATCH the film. I like to completely lose myself in whats on the screen, be part of it all, get enthralled in the plot. I can’t chat when it’s on, and other things that supposedly happen between a guy and a girl in a cinema are lost on me.

So we’re in the cinema, the film has begun, and there’s a large armrest between us upon with which our popcorn is sitting. My left elbow is resting on the armrest to support my head which I’m using my left hand to support, and I’m really getting into the film. When out of the corner of my eye I can see Tom changing his arm position so that his left hand is on the armrest too. I continue to watch the film but on three occasions, all of which I ignore, he strokes my elbow to try and get me to do something, I’m not sure what. Hold his hand maybe? I don’t know but I’ve made my mind up by this point.

Anyway I try to regain my focus on the film I’ve been wanting to watch for ages. A jumpy part arrives and because I’d read the book I knew what was going to happen. So I’m sat there anticipating this big jump, which despite my best efforts still makes me leap out of the chair, and Tom is again touching my arms comforting me as though I’m a damsel in distress. Again I just try to brush it off and we manage to go through the rest of the film with just the odd elbow stroke.

As we leave discussing the film, the small of my back receives an all too familiar hand.

The car journey back is uneventful and we discuss our tastes in music. Then comes the goodbye. Oh man, I’m not good at goodbyes on first dates let alone second dates!

I go in for the hug in the car, as does he. I lean out of the hug, he doesn’t. I fumble and apologise for it being awkward, he laughs it off. I give him the quickest peck on the lips I’ve ever done in my life before thanking him for the evening and closing the car door on his outstretched arm that was going for my leg.

An hour or so passes and I get another text after. Again he’s exclaiming how he had the best time, how he can’t wait to see me, how he feels its fate we’ve met. That’s when I decide it would be unkind of me to allow any further dates or hopes to be on the cards.

I text the next day explaining how he’s a genuinely lovely guy but I don’t feel any romantic connection and would only see us being friends. He tries to keep the hope alive and apologises for being too keen he just really likes me, and I feel like the worst person in the world, but I stick to my guns and wish him all the best.

I know. I could have gone with the flow and just let him touch me. I could have settled for someone who liked me lots just to have someone and not be single, but there was too much uncommon ground. We shared too few common interests and I wasn’t romantically attracted to him. Surely it would have been meaner to keep providing him with false hope? I don’t want to settle for someone who’s not right this time around.

If you’re reading this Tom, I do genuinely think you are lovely and I wish you all good things. Just not with me.

Hope you enjoyed the blog and as always if there’s any comments people would like to share please do post below; always enjoy reading and replying.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

Close Encounters Of The 1st Kind

Well I talked that up didn’t I…They say thoughts create your reality and perhaps my last blog did just that.

Today, for the first day since he walked out the door never to return, I saw him. I was on my way to work and despite never in a year and a half ever seeing him anywhere, there he was. An early morning drive by from me as he walked to work. I knew it was him before I even got close. I could recognise his trainers a mile away. I knew his walk like the back of my hand. His hair was similar but slightly different. As soon as I saw his head turn slightly I knew it was my ex.

I kept my hands on the wheel, slightly panicking as my car was approaching and did the only thing I could think of in that moment; I didn’t look. I drove like it was any other day. I tried not to look in my mirrors. I hoped he hadn’t recognised the car although I imagine he probably did. My body was going through the usual motions. My autopilot steering me to work was ticking away nicely. But I felt sick to my stomach. Butterflies of nerves washed over me like a wave. My breathing changed.

Before I knew it the feelings I thought I’d let go of, that day when he left, came flooding back. They were filtered somewhat, not quite so paralysingly pungent as before but still recognisable. Hurt. Betrayal. Loneliness. Worthlessness. Longing for someone/something that’s no longer there. That I couldn’t stop looking at with rose-tinted glasses.

It affected me for the majority of the day despite my best efforts. I did what I needed to to get it out of my system. I texted friends, I almost cried at work, I got on with things. When I was distracted it was fine. But that image of seeing him there this morning was like a cloud hanging over me.

I tried to use it at lunch to help push me during my workout at the gym. I kept forgiving him in my head, sending him love and best wishes, hoping he was happy as though I was having a conversation with him face to face. I sent him only happy thoughts.

But I was disappointed in myself. I’d come so far. I’d grown so much. It felt like a backwards step when I thought I was almost at a place where I could be over it. I began to question that perhaps I wasn’t. It left me feeling deflated and empty. Can you believe it…all this from a single sighting of him. I didn’t look him in the eye, I didn’t have to speak to him, yet here they were, these feelings were trying to ruin my day. And they almost succeeded. Almost.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight. Unfortunately he had to cancel but I wasn’t willing to go home after work. I’d been wanting to see a film named “How to be single” for a while but I hadn’t had the time or people hadn’t been free. So I did what I wanted. I had a date night with myself. I took myself to the cinema in massively clashing gym clothes (because I wasn’t willing to be seen in my work clothes out and about) and had a GREAT time!

That film was exactly what I needed. Spending time with me doing something I wanted to do was exactly what I needed. And I’m beginning to love cinema dates with myself!

I was scared about watching the movie. From the trailers I had watched I thought it was going to be about drinking, sex, more drinking and more sex. I’m not that kind of person so that would have made me feel even worse about being single as though I wasn’t doing it right. But it was the complete opposite. It appealed to every type of single person out there. Everyone being single in their own ways, no one doing it wrong or right; no judgement. It was so uplifting, side-achingly funny, and inspirational.

It made me realise how great my life is and how my previous posts about the positives of being single are true; this is truly a time to be cherished. I have so much less free time now than I’ve ever had because I’m doing so much more with it. I work in three different places. I have so many wonderful groups of friends. I’ve made so many more new friends as a result of being single. I’ve been travelling to places I don’t think I would have been able to if I’d stayed in that relationship; Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Barcelona, Berlin, New York, France. Trips with friends instead of just me and him. And I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

I volunteer, I meditate, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise more, I go out more, I read more. There’s so much more to just finding someone. NOW is the time for me to find myself. NOW is my time. I may never get this again! I may never be single like this again.

I’ve come home after singing in the car at the top of my lungs to a feeling of satisfaction in my life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. And I really don’t feel like I want anyone at the moment. I choose to be single. I want to carry on developing myself.

It makes me want to delete my Plenty of Fish profile, and I may well do! It makes me want to take a break from (and if they hadn’t screwed me over for another 6 months subscription I probably would!).

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and it’s ended on a high thanks to a date night with myself, and a fantastic film.

If any of you singles need a pick me up, go watch it. I promise you it will fill you with happiness.


Please feel free to leave any comments; love hearing from you.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x