It Could Only Happen to Me…Part 4:The Conclusion

Well hello dear readers.

I have had a very long hiatus from blogging with no real excuse other than I’ve been super busy. But fear not…I had yet to conclude the unfortunate events that occurred in October, which resulted in me dating two cousins.

So let us continue…

After a good few days with nothing from either party I decided it was time to figure out where Matthew stood on the scenario. Marcus was a lost cause. I messaged him expressing my dismay that I didn’t even really get the chance to see where things went. We both had very kind words to say about each other, and left it at that. So with that in mind I needed to know what Matthew thought about the whole thing.

We arranged to speak on the phone four days after discovering the situation. And to my shock he was fine about everything. He took the stance that I was free, single, and it was only one date. He didn’t really see why it was such a big deal for Marcus. I agreed with him and we agreed to keep in contact. In retrospect, perhaps this should have been another warning sign; perhaps the fact he didn’t see it as a big deal meant he wasn’t particularly invested in me or pursuing a relationship with me. But we carried on regardless.

Things moved painfully slowly. I kept getting mixed signals. I’d drop hints about meeting, compliment and tease him in a playful way to make him aware I wasn’t interested in just a texting conversation the whole time. But he’d never directly ask me out. We’d text back and forth daily, each taking turns to initiate the texting, but still no meeting in person. Eventually, after quite a lot of hints, we ended up going on a second date.

We met at an independent cinema, and watched a film together which we had to sneak into as we were a tad late. The film was a prequel to a much larger film franchise, and because Matthew hadn’t seen the previous films I was happy to get close to him and whisper in his ear about things he didn’t know, as we were watching.

Unlike my date at the cinema with Marcus where I’d been comfortable enough sitting and laughing, spilling popcorn over each other, on this one there was an excitable tension. I found myself hoping he would take my hand in his. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. I wanted to be near him.

The date continued after the film as we walked through the streets of the city staring at the newly placed Christmas lights. We walked through a beautiful tunnel of lights positioned in the main shopping area. A romantic spot I felt, but again I got nothing from Matthew. No hand holding, no closeness. I began to wonder if he was even interested in me. I figured if he wasn’t he’d have made an excuse to end the date right? We found ourselves hungry and ended up in a famous fish and chip restaurant where I felt like he opened up more. Conversation flowed easily and we enjoyed playful banter. I was enjoying myself and perhaps he was too.

On the way back to the car a rather uneasy looking man came up to us shaking a bucket in our faces and asking for money for Charity. The tattoo of a needle across his neck and his general demeanour said otherwise, as did his reaction when I responded with “I’m sorry I’ve just used it”, to which he replied said “Oh come on…GIVE me your money”. I felt threatened, and Matthew and I walked swiftly to the car.

Now this was the moment I’ll remember because after all his mixed signals,  I told him I had felt slightly worried back there and he showed his protective, manly, very attractive side by saying he would have punched the guy had he come any closer to me. I felt safe, I felt he cared. Perhaps I read too much into it but to me that seemed like a sign he wanted to protect me. He liked me enough he wanted to keep me safe. That he was a good guy. Someone who wouldn’t mess a girl around.

Like a gentleman he dropped me off at my house and we said our goodbyes.

Then limbo started again. He’d message me often, asking me how my day was, seemingly showing an interest but also seeming to forget things I’d said to him before. It went on for a while and I began to give up.

Eventually we went on date three. Another whole month later.

He picked me up and we went to the woods for a walk followed by a coffee in a cosy pub, which to my surprise went on until mid afternoon.

It was just me, him, and the trees. We talked, we laughed, we joked. Me being typical me I partly submerged myself in a stream after thinking it wasn’t deep at all, to which he found very amusing. We even meditated which may sound silly but it was so peaceful. I felt grounded to the world around me and it was nice to be able to share one of my favourite places to do that in, with him. I must admit most of the time I was wondering if I could kiss him but I thought that would have probably been a bit odd, and it would have caught him completely of guard seeing as his eyes were closed. I did steal a sneaky peak at him from time to time though.

It was an all round really lovely date. But time was running out. It was date three, and Matthew still hadn’t made any romantic move on me. I knew that if I left this one in the same way, and it ended up being the same back and fourth messaging again that I’d have to call it quits, and regret never having done anything.

So…when he pulled up outside my house I took it upon myself to make the first move. It probably wasn’t the most romantic of ways to do it as I proposed that if I didn’t kiss him now I’d regret it, but he didn’t back off either. We kissed, just once.

I can only speak for me but I felt it was a good first kiss. A slight linger, nothing too full on. Sweet would have probably been a fitting word. I said thank you for the date, although I said it WAY too soon after the kiss which made it sound like I was in fact thanking him for letting me kiss him (I know, cringey), and left the car. Nevertheless, I was on cloud nine. I left that car smiling from ear to ear.

I hadn’t felt this way about someone since my ex. Perhaps not even him.

Again, within a few hours of the date he had messaged me which I took as a good sign, but that quickly slipped back into the same texting pattern as before; Matthew not moving things on, and me left wondering where on earth I went wrong.

I didn’t like it, it wasn’t easy, but I had gone down this road before. Enough was enough. The budding romance I was so hoping would happen just wasn’t manifesting, and as much as I liked this guy, as much as I wanted to be able to kiss him again, for him to show me that he wanted me, it just wasn’t going to happen.

I sent a final message explaining I wanted to be with someone who was 100% wanting to be with me, who wanted to show me how much they were interested, who wanted to see me as often as they could. He replied but unfortunately it confirmed what I had hoped wasn’t, but deep down knew to be the case…

And that was two months ago.

Have I heard from him since? No. Had I secretly hoped I would? Yes. Do I still fancy him and hope he comes to his senses? Hell Yes. But then again he’s already shown me he’s not interested. Perhaps its too late. Perhaps I would worry he’d do it again.

I know where I went wrong. I invested too soon. Again. I liked him the first time he walked into my workplace and I dreamed about it ever since. Before he even knew anything about me or the fact I liked him. Before I even knew him.

I dived in too willingly.

I guess I still need to learn a few things about dating.

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It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 3

The day after the date with Matthew. Halloween.

I send a text to Marcus whom I was texting last night after the date, but fell asleep. I sent him a picture of me with a chocolate ghost and scared face. A bit playful.

I’d had a hard night with other goings on in my life and as I was sat discussing said goings on with my parents, I receive a message from Marcus.

Word for word, this is what it said.

Marcus: “I’m currently at a children’s Halloween party. My cousins child, a very sugary affair. Something strange has just happened though. It turns out that you went on a  date with my other cousin last night. Haha. Matthew. Which is so unlikely and strange.”

Errrrrrr, I’m sorry? What did you just say?!

Me: ” That’s ridiculous. What are the chances”

Matthew: “Yeah pretty weird. Im not sure how I feel about it. I think you’re really nice but it would be too weird to go out again. I think.”

I literally have no words. No. Words.

Of all the people, in all the world, why oh dear god why did the only two people I’ve liked in the last six months or so have to be COUSINS!? I had no idea. There was NO indication at any point that they were related. They didn’t look the same, didn’t talk the same, didn’t live in the same places, had different surnames, were different ages. HOW was I supposed to know?

Needless to say I am upset. Embarrassed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Even though Marcus has said it’s not my fault. I never in a million years expected this to be the case. I feel like I’m in an episode of Poldark.

Why? Just why?

I would have rather spoken to Marcus over the phone to hear his reasoning and just talk it out or even say goodbye over the phone, but he hasn’t messaged since he said it wasn’t my fault.

As for Matthew? Who knows. I’ve heard nothing, and don’t expect to if I was being honest. He probably wants to get as far as humanly possible away from me. I feel like I have to start all over again. My hopes are in tatters. I will, almost certainly pick myself within the next few days and get back on the wagon (or at least I hope to) but for now, tonight I am expecting to mourn the loss of two great guys I would have hopefully had the chance to get to know better.

I guess now I’ll never know who could have been more.

If anything changes, expect un update in the future. Part 4; the conclusion.

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 2

As you may remember, Marcus had asked me out on a second date, and I was still talking to Matthew.

Marcus decided to mix it up the second time around. Instead of an evening dinner date he went for an old classic; the cinema. He wanted to pick me and take me (which I found very gentlemanly) so we arranged to go one afternoon a week or so after the first date.

Again, we had a great time. Well I thought we did anyway; I can’t really speak for him. We went for a coffee and a bite to eat before the film started. Again the conversation flowed and we laughed while we sat outside in the crisp autumn air sipping our warm drinks and hearty soup. The film was enjoyable and we giggled uncontrollably together when he accidentally spilt popcorn all over me, probably much to the rest of the cinema’s annoyance. It was another great date.

Unfortunately I had a stinking cold so when it came to the goodbye at the end, a peck on the cheek was as many germs as I was willing to transfer. In retrospect if I hadn’t had a cold I would have braved it and gone for a kiss on the lips. And his eyes we fascinating to me; this beautiful deep hazel I just wanted to stare into.

All I can say now is thank god I didn’t.

By now with Matthew we’ve gotten to the point where I’m hinting quite heavily that I’d like to meet him in person. I don’t see the problem with dating more than one guy at once because:

  1. One, two, or even three dates is not enough time to get to know someone enough to know if you want to be in a relationship with them, AND
  2. How are you going to know who you really like if you don’t have at least one other to compare them to in the same process?

So, a week after date numero dos with Marcus, whilst still conversing with him over the phone, I went on a date with Matthew.

This was yesterday.

He made the effort, chose the pub to go for a drink in, and arranged a time with me.

I’m not going to lie. When I arrived there, it was probably the most nervous I’d ever been for a date. Purely because unbeknown to Matthew, I’d been hoping this would eventually happen for a while. My legs were shaking when I arrived, purely from the pressure I had built it up to be in my head. That, coupled with a pair of heels spelt out almost certain catastrophe for me.

Really though, Matthew had been late off the starting block. In the time Marcus had taken to chat to me, move the conversation to phone, and go on two separate dates, this was the first out-of-work meeting I was having with Matthew after 6 weeks of messaging. But I had to know. I’d spent so long investing into meeting him so I could figure out if I genuinely liked him, I couldn’t not go. If for nothing other than my own piece of mind.

It in fact turned out to be a good date also (again as far as I could tell from my end). The conversation flowed, and within a couple of minutes I felt at ease. I’m so pleased I invested the effort to meet him because I think I misjudged Matthew. I thought he was super confident, perhaps knew he was attractive and was maybe even, dare I say it, a bit boring. But talking to him in person was much better than it’d been via message. I wasn’t sure if he’d picked up on the flirting via text, or the banter. In person however he showed himself to be much more playful, and a good laugh. His smile was still to die for.

We went our separate ways with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Within twenty minutes of the date being over he had already messaged, and wished me a nice evening, sending me a fun picture of him carving pumpkins. ‘This is a good sign’,  I thought.

Meanwhile that same evening, I was also messaging Marcus, who had been away that weekend. By this point, I wasn’t sure about either of them. Both had been great on dates. Marcus had the lead, but both guys possessed the qualities I was looking for in a man. They both fitted the bill.

After only one meeting with Matthew and two with Marcus, I still felt it was too early to tell if I wanted anything with either of them, and decided I was going to play it by ear. I just wanted to see where they’d go, no pressure. I still feel scared about opening up my heart fully to someone else for fear of it being the wrong thing, or getting my heart broken like last time. I just wanted to take things slow.

But no. Now that’s all changed.

 

It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 1.

It’s a bit too early to tell this story but it’s so ridiculously unbelievable I just need to write this as it’s happening. The night it’s happening. I may not post it for a few days but this was written as it occurred, and will continue to be written as it occurs.

As far as writing a dating blog goes, this is SOLID GOLD. I couldn’t have predicted this, or made this up it’s just so weird. So unexpected. So bloody annoying.

I’m sitting here half an hour after reading the text that lead me to this  blog, and I still can’t quite believe it. Every time I think about it I just think  ‘This could only happen to me. What are the chances!?’

Lets start from the start.

I had fancied someone I knew from work for a while. We shall call him Matthew. You know when you just know you fancy someone? It doesn’t happen very often to me but when it does I can tell. He had the most gorgeous smile and warm brown eyes. I would speak to him professionally, knowing that he would never be a prospect because of work rules. So I admired from afar.

A year or so ago I came across him on Match.com. Then again on POF. Then again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign; perhaps it wasn’t just coincidence.

So being the random impulsive person that I am I took it upon myself last christmas to send him a message. Completely innocent, a kind of Love Actually moment. You know the bit I mean? When Kiera Knightly’s husbands best friend is standing outside pretending it’s carol singers, with boards telling her how her really feels knowing he can’t act on them? Yes, that bit.

I was polite, and just told him he seemed like a nice guy and if he’d like to I’d be interested to get to know him better. He replied, and we would have met up but christmas came and went, and the next thing I’m being told is that he was going to get back with his ex.

‘OK, no biggy‘ I thought. I left it at that and told him nothing would change; I would still be professional towards him at work.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and we matched on Tinder. Four. Consecutive. Times. I have a habit of deleting my account after a week realising I’m bored and no-one EVER talks, then in a moment of weakness start up my account again. Obviously I wasn’t going to swipe left on him…but I wasn’t expecting him to swipe right on me after he declined previously. But, he did swipe right. Four separate times. Deliberately.

This time round however I wasn’t going to message. The ball was in his court. And to my surprise he messaged me! “Yey!”you might say. Oh…..you wait.

Around the same time, I also matched with another guy on Tinder. We shall call him Marcus. Now Marcus was good fun right off the bat. He had interesting pictures, good conversation, and I was able to flirt with him and joke around. He was extremely fun to chat to and I felt a connection. Now Marcus didn’t beat around the bush. After a few exchanges back and forth over the course of a few days, he asked me out. By this time I’d already ascertained he was one of the most interesting people I’d spoken to on Tinder, nay, any dating site since joining them. He reminded me of Frank (see previous blog here), but much more confident in his approach to dating. In fact I’d go so far as to say he had the dating lingo down and he was very clear in his approach.

So, we went on a date. A yummy dinner date at a Pan Asian and Sushi restaurant, followed by a drink at a pub. I could not fault him. He dressed well, he spoke well, the conversation flowed. We shared similar interests, had a similar intellect, shared similar dreams and ambitions. We laughed, we drank, we enjoyed each others company. It was probably the best first date I’ve had so far. And we got on well; the connection was real.

The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure if I fancied him or not. But hey, I’d only met him once and I’ve learnt that if you’re not sure, that’s not a reason not to see someone again. Love and attraction comes with time and he ticked pretty much every other box so I was going to give Marcus a fighting chance.

I should mention that while this was going on Matthew and I were on and off chatting, but I hadn’t managed to move the conversation to texting, a phone call, or a date. The texts were sporadic but he’d told me what his working week was like, so I trusted him when he said he was really busy with work and didn’t go on Tinder much. Eventually, we spoke via text message. But by this point Marcus had already asked me out on a second date.

More to come, keep an eye out xx

 

Dating Lesson #13 – Not-So Shiver Me Timbers

I’ve not posted for so long I’ve actually begun to forget some of the dates I’ve yet to have written about, but seeing as this one has come to me I felt the need to share. After all, sharing is caring.

The dating scene had been quiet for a while and I had decided to take a break; I came off Tinder, I came off OK Cupid, and thought “I’ll have some me time”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me because how could they? I’d removed myself from the dating scene. So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue I get a text from a number I don’t recognise.

“Hi CountryGirl, remember me? It’s Phil; the guy who lives on a boat? Thought I’d see how you are as we got on well but never met up…”.

I feel at this point I should make it clear it had been a while. Two whole months to be exact since I had exchanged numbers with this guy… Who does that? Who keeps a random girl’s number on their phone when I’d come offline two months before? One of two explanations crossed my mind:

  1. He’s a really lovely guy who kept it in the hope we’d keep texting
  2. He’s a psycho who just wants to get laid.

I was optimistic and went for the former.

So erring on the side of caution I decided to reply but kept things light and non-committal. We ended up exchanging pleasantry’s for a couple of days when he asked me out. Result! Well, why not? What have I got to lose?

We decided to meet at a local bar-come restaurant on a lovely summers evening. We sat outside by the river. It soon became clear that this guy was lovely, but not quite for me. He was really quite shy, and kept apologizing for himself. I’d ask him about certain things I’d learnt about him since chatting; playing the violin, being part of a folk band, carpentry. He had some real talents. But for some reason he couldn’t see it. Every time I gave him a compliment or wanted to find out more about him he’d put himself down.

Example 1.

Me: “That’s pretty cool that you play in a folk band! You must be good.”

Him: “Oh no, no. Not really. I’m not very good”

Me: “You may be better than you give yourself credit for!”

Example 2.

Me: “You’ve been traveling? I’d love to hear about it”

Him: “It’s really not that exciting and a bit of  a long story, I’d bore you. Oh god I’m boring you aren’t I”

Me: “Not at all, I’d be interested to hear”

Him: “Well to cut a long story short…”

Just tell  me the story!

Etc, etc.

It’s a real shame. He seemed like a genuine, pleasant guy, but there was just no self confidence, no assurance or self belief.

I could see my old self reflected in his attitudes towards himself. It was like I was looking into the past at what I must have been like when my ex broke up with me and if I’d gone on a date then what I’d have been like.

Perhaps he’d had a big knock. Perhaps he’d always been like it. Who knows, but unfortunately I’d decided by the end of the date he wasn’t for me. I needed someone with self confidence. Not arrogance, just someone who respects themselves and doesn’t put themselves down all the time. I’d been the stronger one in a relationship before, and was certain that wasn’t what I wanted again.

After becoming single, I’d learnt about my own self worth and had changed for the better in that respect towards myself. It was strange seeing it from the other side rather than being the one who felt worthless, or at least projecting that view of themselves to other people.

A few days later he messaged me and asked me out again. I let him down gently (at least I think I did), told him he was a lovely guy, but that I didn’t think we were compatible. I got a rather rude reply back with a sarcastic comment at the end. I think he may have even asked if there was anything he could improve on. I so desperately wanted to tell him to work on his own self esteem, but thought better of it; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even more.

Needless to say I never heard from him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #12- Zero Dark Flirty

So.

After a while of being on POF and being little bit more proactive, I started talking to a guy code named “Mark”.

He was chatty, flirty, and came across as quite confident. After a few days of talking he asked me out on a date. Because we both had things planned during the days and evenings (us being such socialites),we arranged to go on a breakfast date. I know right…very cosmopolitan!

We decided to go to a cafe near where he lived and is a short drive from me. It’s quite a hip, vintagey, bits-and-bobs type venue. A cool place to hang out and have breakfast, an afternoon tea venue, and in the evenings changed into this awesome bar, come mini club playing “Kill Bill” on a projector whilst retro 80’s music boomed across the crowded dance floor. ANYWAY, I digress.

So I arrive early, and he strolls up looking even more attractive than he appeared on his pictures, and I’m thinking “yes! finally someone I’m attracted to physically!”. Now I know that looks aren’t the be all and end all, in fact far from it, but when you’re online dating that is the single most important thing that gets you interested in someones profile. I also feel there has to be some physical attraction initially in order to want to get to know the person on a romantic level. So that was the first big tick. All my other dates had been nice and the guy wasn’t unattractive, but I didn’t get that “yes, I fancy you” feeling.

So we hug, go inside and get ourselves seated at an arcade table which turns out to be a great conversation starter! He’d got great arms I noticed; obviously works out or plays sport. He’d got great eyes, and unusually for me he was blond; not what I’d usually go for. And the more I find out about him the more I like him.

He played rugby – big tick in my book! He’d been to university and low and behold it turns out he went to the same city as I did for uni, just the rival campus; what are the chances! He’s close with his sister, likes kids, has ambition, is a manager for a gym and was a personal trainer. He was well spoken,witty, articulate, and intelligent. For me this was, and is pretty much what I’m after in a potential romance, so I was overjoyed!

Obviously, I tried to play it cool. I made jokes, flirted as best as someone like me can (that is to say I do not know how to play the game!), and was generally open and engaging.

We played a bit of Pac-man, realised that we’d been in there nearly two hours, and called time on the date.

Now, as we left I made a bit of a mistake in how I handled the goodbye. This is only from a book I read, but you should let your date know if you had a good time, but not suggest another date or seem too keen. I however, on walking away from him said “I’ll text you”.

Not cool country girl. Not cool at all. I immediately knew I’d made a mistake as soon as the words left my lips, but the damage was done and I would have to be the one to text first. My only saving grace is that he replied with “make sure you do…”

“YES!” I thought. “He must like me if he wants me to text him”.

So again, I tried to play by the rules of dating, or what I think are the rules of dating; you should leave it at least 24 hours before texting. I was patient, and did exactly that. It wasn’t anything big, just something along the lines of “Thanks for a great time. How was London?” (He’d gone there to see friends after the date).

Did I get a reply? No. Did I want one? My god yes.

Eventually he did respond, but each time I replied (in a not so eager manner) I didn’t hear anything for at least 3 days.

I didn’t understand. It had gone so well. I was gutted.

One evening about a two weeks after the first date he decided to see if I was going out on the town. I said I wasn’t but he tried to get me to come out and “bring my friends”. I declined, and told him if he’d like to go out again for another date I’d be more than happy to. He said he’d check his calendar…

…and I never heard from him again.

Why? Who knows. But I do know the following:

  1. I should have taken the hint when talking about Netflix and he replied “yeah but no Netflix-and-chill sadly”, that perhaps we was looking for a hook up.
  2. I should NOT have said that I’d text him.
  3. That he just wasn’t that into me.

As hard as that is to hear myself say, he wasn’t. I can’t control how the date felt for him. Perhaps I wasn’t his type. Perhaps my confidence put him off. Perhaps he suspected I wanted to do things properly, and he wanted casual fun. I don’t know and I’ll never know. But if he was interested, he’d have made the effort.

That is one lesson time and time again I haven’t yet quite grasped. I am worth being chased. I am worth a phone call. I am worth dating.

Slowly but surely, that is registering somewhere in me. As you will see later though, I haven’t got it, just yet.

As a small side note, is it just me or do other people out there wish that if a guy wasn’t interested you could get some feedback on your date? What they didn’t like, what they did, what could be improved on? Thats the one thing with dating that really gets me. How will I know if I’m a good date if no one ever tells you if it’s good or not?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love as always,

Country girl x

 

Baby Got Back.

Hello!

Wow. It has been AGES since I updated my blog! Apologies.

Honestly, I just fancied a break from the whole dating thing. After a while it becomes like social media; an automatic reflex to do on your phone, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be free from the commitments of checking my profile, updating photos, deleting messages from people who can only be bothered to say “hi”.

I can confidently say it was great…for a while.

I got my life back! Suddenly I found myself making my time much more productive. I started a crochet project and made a cute elephant for my friends baby. I did more exercise. I worried less about what people thought about me and just enjoyed doing things for me. There was no pressure to make an effort with men online and it was empowering. I was on a dating holiday; a hiatus from the stresses of keeping up POF, Tinder and OK Cupid appearances. I was sunning myself up on the hypothetical beach of the island ‘Nondatius’.

I spent a good three months not worrying about dating and began to feel more like me again, without the annoying thoughts of:

Do I like this guy? Should I go on another date with him? Why isn’t he relpying? Oh wait it’s only been an hour. Three days later..WHY isn’t he replying!? Maybe I should message him…NO countrygil, NO. Don’t you dare! You are worth more than that and you don’t want to appear desperate. OH but why won’t he reply? Whats wrong with me? Why can I not seem to find someone decent?  I think my heads going to explode…AAARRRRGGGH!!!

Etc, Etc.

Problem was, I wasn’t really meeting anyone new either. I always thought, and hoped, that when I do meet my match it would be organically. There’d be no online dating involved…Drifts off into a romantic dreamy daze…I bump into someone in the post office, dropping my letters all over the floor. He helps me pick them up and then as we rise together we look into each others eyes and get that instant click of chemistry. Or through a friend, or maybe even through work. A spontaneous arrival at my workplace to ask me out. A phone call offering to take me out to dinner. You know, good old fashioned dating. Where a guy chases a girl, where he knows how to behave whilst still having a cheeky flirt. Does anyone else have this problem? Not being able to meet people in day to day life?

Perhaps that will still happen. Perhaps it won’t. But regardless, meeting men in this day and age just doesn’t seem very easy.

So, after three lovely men-free months I’ve decided to brave it again, if for nothing other than more dating practice and for when Mr Right comes along. Oh, and of course for you blogging amusement!

I’ve still got a few stories up my sleeve so stay tuned for much more regular posts than there has been recently.

As always, comments are always welcome. Would love to hear of similar experiences of people who don’t particularly like online dating but can’t seem to meet men otherwise.

See you soon!

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #10- Eye’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester

Hi Guys!

It’s been a LONG time since I blogged, apologies. I have no excuse…I find blogging a bit like exercise; once you stop for a couple of days/weeks, it’s really hard to get back into the swing of it!

But here I am. Back with some more dating stories to tell, and some more slightly more personal posts to write. “YEY!” I hear you say…too right! So lets get started shall we?

Match.com I must admit hasn’t harboured that many dates for me, or messages for that matter. Most of the people I speak to are from Plenty of Fish, and this is one such person. I shall call him…Stuart.

The conversation began like most others. I think I initiated the contact and began making small talk and showing interest in things he’d mentioned in his profile. He said he ran his own business which I was intrigued to find out was to do with Agriculture (tick!), he was interesting to talk to, had a degree (tick!), and had travelled/lived abroad (tick tick!). I thought “Finally! Someone decent!”.

A few days into talking online he asked if I’d like to go out for a drink, to which I agreed. Now I don’t like to brag about myself, and for those of you who know me I very rarely do. However…I had just bought some new clothes and I had recently got into wearing lipstick (a revelation for me, I’d only been a glosser before); I was looking hot! I felt good, I felt I looked good. I was ready for this date!

The pub we were meeting at was a bit of a trek but I arrived on time, as did he. We briefly met outside and before I knew it we were sitting at a table with drinks at the ready. I was pretty nervous to be honest. Right before the start of a date I usually get quite apprehensive and this time was no different. However the conversation flowed smoothly, and we both had lots to say. There was laughter, banter, and I liked him. Not sure I was particularly attracted to him though and there was one main reason for this…his eyes.

Not because he didn’t have nice ones, he did. Not because he had anything wrong with them, he didn’t. Purely because for about 90% of the time we were on the date he was looking at my forehead. I have NO idea why! I checked in the mirror during a toilet break and there was definitely nothing on it, but for some reason eye contact seemed to elude him.

I don’t know if anyone out there has had this and I’m sure there are a few of you but let me tell you it is the most off-putting thing during a conversation! There I am making as much eye contact as possible to show I’m interested in what he’s saying, yet within the space of about 5 minutes I get proper eye contact for a maximum of 5 seconds. What the fudge?

Perhaps I was intimidating. Perhaps he was nervous. Perhaps my face offended him. I don’t know, but he kind of did me a favour. Because at the end of the night when we said our goodbyes, got a text to make sure I got home ok, and when I never heard a peep from him gain (which I didn’t), I wasn’t particularly upset. But how bizarre…why would you not look at someone when talking to them!?

Whats probably more amusing and embarassing (which I am responsible for), is that after a month or so I happened to stumble across him on Match.com, and decided to ask for feedback on the date so I know for the future how I can improve! Why oh why I did that I’ll never know, and I wish I didn’t but hey, if you don’t ask you never know right? Needless to say I didn’t get a response, and he disappeared from my dating radar forever.

So a lesson to all the men out there; make eye contact!

Until the next time (I promise it won’t be long this time!),

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #9 – The Return of Catch Me If You Can

I have a confession to make.

For those of you who have followed my blogs you’ll remember Frank from Catch Me If You Can Parts 1-3, and how I wrote that he never contacted me again. Well there’s more to that story…

My friends told me to delete his number. That he was a waste of time. That I could do better. They erased him from my phone in all aspects that they could; got rid of his conversations, all pictures and videos, removed his number from my contacts. A week passed and I still hadn’t heard from him but I just couldn’t let it go. I just didn’t understand it. We had a great time on that date. We’d flirted, the conversation had been effortless, there was an easy playfulness when we were in the arcade and we seemed attracted to one another.

So me being the stubborn person that I am I decided to send one final ‘hurrah’ message to let him know I was disappointed. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I still had him on Match.com, so sent him a short message on there stating how it was a shame it hadn’t gone anywhere as we seemed to have a good time.

He replied, apologised, and explained he’d started to think too much and worried he wouldn’t have time to for someone in his life.

I should have read the signs there…I didn’t. I was still clinging on to the hope that it could go somewhere. I should have stopped talking to him there and then. But I didn’t.

We got back into the normal flow of conversation that had been there previously, and things seemed to be ok. But then one day out of the blue he sent me a screen shot of his match.com profile showing how many unread messages he had from women. This was accompanied by a message saying “Oh My God I’ve just logged into Match.com…I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I always thought I’d meet someone in the most unexpected way; damn you rom coms”. I found this pretty hurtful. One, because he had met me online, two, because I didn’t understand why he was showing me this, was this another signal to back off? And three, because if he was divulging this to me perhaps I had been put in the friend category.

I wanted to speak to him in person. I wanted to see his face, hear his voice properly, not a delayed video or an emotionless assembly of words on a phone screen. But typically, that didn’t happen despite me asking.

So I did the only thing I felt I could; I sent him a video. But not just any video. I poured my heart into that video. I explained why, despite the fact I was getting the impression he wasn’t into me, I had continued to speak to him. How after a long term relationship he had been the first person I’d thought “yeah, I really like this guy”. How I hadn’t had as much fun on a date with anyone else. How I wanted to kiss him when we’d said goodbye on the first date but was scared of his reaction. And I asked him straight out, that if I was nothing more than a potential friend to him to just tell me so I could stop harbouring this hope of it becoming something more. I’ve never sent anything like it to anyone before. I was letting him into my world.

Looking back it probably came across as sweet, but also perhaps desperate which was not my intention; I’m just not into games.

He sent me a nice reply saying how he needed to have a serious think because the last thing he wants is to upset me. A day passes and I receive a message saying how lovely I am but he’s realising he hasn’t got time for someone at the moment, to the extent that he’s going to come off Match.com.

I don’t reply. I actually take the hint.

Then 5 days later, on Christmas day, he messages me.

Frank: “Merry Christmas”

Me: “Merry Christmas to you too. Hope cooking the christmas dinner went well.”

Frank: “Thanks a lot x”

I don’t reply.

Frank: “I would like to see you again”

I don’t get it. Why? What’s changed? Not a lot according to him but he felt it such a shame when we get on so well. So I go with it. Again, I should have stopped here. But the hope had been re-ignited and I couldn’t let it go.

We met up, watched a film together at his house, and like before, it was a good time. But again nothing came of it. He went away for another 3 weeks offshore and returned, ignoring my invite for me to return the favour and have him to come to mine to watch a film.

So, after some dutch courage from a friend, I bit the bullet and realised this was never going to happen. I told him I didn’t want a friend, that I couldn’t do this anymore and was going to focus my efforts on someone who wants to date me. That I wished him luck in finding someone when he was ready to.

And he sent me something nice back saying how it was nice to meet me and how I’ll find someone as I’ve got lots going for me.

Perhaps I do, but it doesn’t feel like it.

It feels like I’ve lost the only prospect I had, and not even a good one at that. It feels like there’ll be an emptiness where our funny conversations had been. It feels like I’ll never find anyone again.

My friends were right. I had just invested too much emotion in someone who was never going to like me as much as I liked them. I had allowed myself to be kept on a string, I had let myself be a fool. I’m disappointed in him, but more so in myself.

Letting go isn’t easy. It hurts right now. I know it’ll pass, I know I won’t be alone forever but it’s hard to see what hasn’t happened yet. Looking on the grateful side of things I am grateful for this valuable lesson. One of which I made myself learn the hard way.

I have learnt:

  • Never let someone string you along
  • Never compromise yourself
  • Never settle for someone who isn’t right
  • The fog of a potential new love clouds even the most rational of minds.
  • My friends are pretty much ALWAYS right. I should darn well listen next time because it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

So, it’s back to square one. No dates on the horizon, no one online catching my interest.

Here’s where the lesson of patience, and making the most of my singleton time comes in.

Stay tuned for more dating stories in the future; I still have from from past dates I haven’t yet shared with you. As always if you have any comments or thoughts always enjoy reading them.

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x

 

How NOT to chat to a woman online – Part 2

Hi Everyone, hope you’re enjoying your evening!

Thought I’d interrupt the flow of the blog posts to give you another much anticipated dose of ridiculous and humorous things people have written to me as their opening lines. I honestly don’t understand the mindset of man zombies. It seems like these people are incapable of having a normal conversation with a woman.

Be prepared to potentially react with “WHAT!?”s, “Oh My God”s, and whole lot of “Oh Dear”s!

 

Man Zombie 11: “Hey, do you like feet?”

Me: “Of all the things you could have asked me you decide to see if I like feet? Thanks but no thanks, good luck.”

Man Zombie 11: “Guess you don’t then”

Man Zombie 12: “Hey, I know I’m not your type but can we talk? Please?”

So…. you’re already telling me I’m not your type, and then you’re begging me to talk to you? Good start man zombie, good start…

Me: “No thanks”

Man Zombie 12: “Im sorry”

Errr why? I don’t get it.

Two hours later…

Man Zombie 12: “Ur Amazing”

Oh dear lord.

Man Zombie 13: “Do you like black panties?”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 14: “Do you swallow”

Me: “WOW ok you’re a douche, good luck with that.”

Man Zombie 14: “Was a joke”

Me: “Oh, and I’ve reported you.”

Man Zombie 15: “What’s the difference between me and a pull out sofa? The Sofa pulls out and I don’t. Do you want me to show you?”

Friend: “Oh, well, If you don’t pull out…no”

Man Zombie 16: “Wanna see a thick 11inch? :)”

Me: “Like they exist!”

Well that’s all for now folks, if I get any more funny ones I’ll let you know :-). Happy Saturday, thanks for reading and please feel free to comment below.

 

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x