Dating Lesson #6 – Jonny Be Good

Hi all, how are we? Great! Hope you all had a lovely christmas, and after my break it’s time to get back on the blog wagon.

So throughout the time I was talking to “Frank” I was keeping my options open, so I started talking to another man named “Jonny” (and what are the chances their real names were exactly the same, freaky if you ask me).

He was my age, looked friendly, was actually smiling on his profile picture…I don’t know why but men seem to think that if they look moody and closed off that they’ll get girls interested; I can assure you, it simply puts us off! Why talk to someone who looks uninterested, moody, and negative, when theres a happy smiley face as an alternative!? Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangent…

What was I saying? Right, so basically he looked like a nice happy chappy, and we got talking. He was local, played rugby (big tick!), had some hobbies, had lived abroad for a year in Australia (adventurous-tick!) and even though Frank was on my radar, Jonny was definitely on there too. Unlike the other people I’d spoken to previously, who lets face it don’t seem to know what being a gentleman is and would outright ask if I wanted sex, Jonny took a much more chivalrous approach to speaking to me. It was nice, it was like a breath of fresh air through all the dating fog that are the male sleazes online.

So we’d been talking for a few days and we’d shared some stuff about each other, things seemed to be moving along well. There was some flirting (which I suspect I’m probably no better at since I began this journey but I wasn’t going to stop trying), and he’d asked me out to which I’d agreed.

Because everything was organised I decided to tell someone. After the disaster of telling everyone about Frank and it falling flat on its face this time I only informed one or two. I sent her a screen shot of his profile picture, plus a little bit of the written stuff underneath. And in all my excitement I’d missed one tiny detail…

Friend: “He looks nice. I see he’s got a child, I didn’t realised you’d be interested in someone who has a child”

WHAT!? How did I completely miss that!?

I’m not going to lie, I was quite taken aback. You know when you try and picture the person you’d like to end up with? What kind of person they are? How they’ll be, how you’ll get married and have children? I had never ONCE considered there already being a child in the picture. It took me by surprise, and I freaked out. I told him about the fact I hadn’t seen this before, and it took me a week to realise that it would be a stupid reason to rule him out simply on the basis of having a child.

It wasn’t his child’s fault, and if someone came across as a good match it seemed a shame to let something that happened a good few years ago put me off. I decided to be better than that. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I considering way down the line if I ever had to meet her, and thinking of what would happen if things didn’t work out, the impact it could potentially have on her? Yes. Was I getting way ahead of myself and needed to take a time out? YES!

He was very understanding and was still happy to go out if I was, so I pushed all the crazy thoughts aside, took it a date at a time and tried to get to know him for him.

The date went well! We rented a rowing boat out on this big lake with lots of twisting routes between forest banks, chatted, and generally had a nice time. The conversation was good, but there was a few awkward silences. He was a really nice guy, despite the fact neither of us could control the boat and we went into the banks more times than I can recall!

Only problem was, I wasn’t quite sure if there was that chemistry there, that spark.

So a week or so later when he asked me out again, I agreed. I needed to see if there was more than just a friendship between us.

We went out tubing this time. For those of you who don’t have the foggiest what that is, it’s going on a dry ski-slope, sitting in a rubber tube and getting shoved down the slope as fast as possible either tied together in your rings or separately.

It was so much fun! Although, little things started to make me think Jonny may not be right for me. There was no playful banter you know? I knew he was quite competitive as was I so I tried to playfully wind him up about who would win on the slopes, but he didn’t take the bait. I don’t know maybe he was still in chivalrous mode but I just wasn’t getting that jokey teasing back. And the more I learnt about him, the less suited we seemed. He was quite happy doing what he did, not wanting to progress, happy to settle down with little adventure or excitement. Thats not what I’m looking for. He didn’t have many hobbies, and conversation became more difficult the less we found we had in common.

When we didn’t kiss at the end of the second date I knew we weren’t compatible. And that thought was confirmed when instead of never speaking to me again, Jonny asked me how I was finding it. I was honest and told him it didn’t feel that spark, but how lovely he was. He felt exactly the same. I’ve never had that before, when two people admit they’re not right for each other but are nice about it.

We wished each other the best of luck, complimented the things we liked about each other that others will love them for and said adieu.

Jonny still to this day is one of the nicest people I’ve met in online dating. I still see him online from time to time so perhaps he’s not found a match yet either, but he showed me how dating could be, how a lady could be treated, and I’m grateful to him for that.

Writing this actually has made me remember how good a dater he was, and how I should heed what I’ve just written, as you’ll soon find I still probably didn’t listen to my own advice with other men!

Not the funniest blog this time I realise, sorry about that!

Until the next time, which won’t be very long a wait,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #5 – Catch Me If You Can…Part 3

Welcome to the final instalment of Catch Me If You Can!

I do apologise for not posting this sooner however I’ve been on holiday and haven’t been able to post.

So Previously…

I finally was asked out by Frank, only to be pretty much stood up at the last minute before he went back offshore. After confronting him about if I was wasting my time, him dodging the question and a week of not replying, I eventually received a “best you meet other folk, it’s been short and sweet” message.

Well for one it wasn’t short! I’d never invested such a long amount of time in someone never to even meet them; 7 weeks to be exact! Not short in terms of getting a first date, wouldn’t you agree?

Second, is wasn’t sweet. It was fun, but also downright frustrating at times.

A week or so passed after I got that message and my main mission was to not text him, as I had been instructed to do by pretty much everyone. But I wasn’t prepared for the rejection that comes with dating. I can’t explain why I liked Frank after how much he’d messed me around, but I just did. I hadn’t had such a good flow of conversation, such a strong feeling that if we met we’d get on well. It was one of those things were you just have a feeling about someone, and I wasn’t ready to let go of that.

At the same time I didn’t want to degrade myself any further. I’d chased him when it should have been the other way around, I’d been told time and time again by people he was just playing me, but I had it in my head if I just met him it would be different.

I thought about him A LOT. I text other people so I didn’t text him. I did my upmost not to message and I came so close, but I couldn’t bear not knowing. That “what if we had met?” kept creeping into my mind and eventually led to my undoing. I didn’t really feel I had anything to lose by messaging, so it just happened. I was sick of the games and rules of dating, I just wanted to let him know how I felt.

So, against everyone’s suggestions, I did what I shouldn’t have done…

Me: ” Hey Frank, so I know you basically told me to shove off and if you’re not interested that’s fine, but I’m not into playing games so I wanted to put my cards on the table. I’m a great catch (me trying to be confident), so it’s a downright shame we never met because we seem pretty compatible. I also wanted to say thank you, because you’ve shown me I can actually find someone attractive and like them; I wondered if that would ever happen again. Basically, I really liked you. If nothing comes of this then I wish you all the best. x”

To my surprise I got a reply. The jist was that I didn’t make him feel good when I suggested I was wasting my time, and that he liked the idea of me, but couldn’t tell if he liked me unless we met. Errr that’s what I was trying to do the WHOLE TIME! Just meet him! He suggested we meet when he’s back which by this point was less than a week away, so I agreed.

There was general chit chat during the few days before he was back, and I was pleasantly surprised when he asked me out for a drink and the arcade (as we’d previously planned) the day after he got back!

This time it all went to plan. We met when we agreed, he didn’t back out, and I’ve got to be honest all the effort it took was well worth it; best time I’ve had with someone so far! I thought we would have a brief chat then get down to whipping his butt at the games but we were talking non stop for nearly 2 hours! We laughed, joked and even though Frank won at nearly everything (I let him win on a few though; I wish!) I had a really good time. And my goodness me did he have a nice physique too!

He had walked a good 30-40 minutes to get to the meeting point so I offered him a lift home. When we got to his house he invited me in…purely innocent I can assure you! He showed me how he’d renovated the place, we discussed things he’d bought, and generally chatted some more. I decided now was a good time to leave; while it was going well to hopefully entice him into another date. We said our goodbyes at the door, I said how I’d had a good time, there was a peck on the cheek, a hug and that was it.

Oh how I wish I’d kissed him properly though. Why I hear you ask?

Because I never heard a single peep from him again.

No idea why, when it was the best date I’ve had but maybe he just wasn’t into me. Whatever the reason at least I met him and got it out of my system, but it’ll take a while for it to stop bothering me.

So there we go, catch me if you can is still on the run, be cautious ladies because I was too naive, and I, nay we, are worth better than what this guy provided. I just need to actually remember that next time round!

Hope you have enjoyed this three-parter, if there are any comments would love to read them below.

Thanks, and there’s plenty more still to come!

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x