A World Of Opportunity

Walking is beautifully therapeutic and grounding.

After recent events, this weekend has been a chance for me to remember what’s important in life. The things we take for granted. The things in life that are free. Appreciating the simplest moments, the smallest of goings on in the big wide world. Living life in the now.

If being single has taught me one thing, its how to find myself. How to be a better person. How to live for today.

It’s given me the opportunity to further my understanding of the world around me, improve on myself, and taught me how to give back to the world. When you haven’t got someone beside you all the while you realise there’s so much you can give, to everyone. A simple smile, a warm greeting, a kind gesture.

In most of my everyday life I always feel rushed. There’s always a list of things to do, people to see, connections to maintain. I often feel like there’s no time to relax. To stop and take note. In the past I’ve turned to meditation for this. I’ve started to once again,

I also read a lot of self help books. I don’t necessarily read them to make myself amazing. I read them because every time I do they open my mind and soul up to something bigger than myself. This power, this way of thinking that I didn’t think was possible. Something switches on in my head, a door opens. It’s like an addiction. These moments of clarity where the world makes sense. Where the world is good and pure. Where my dreams are possible. Where everything in this life is precious, and amazing, and everything is within reach. I read them for this.

A walk in the woods today gave me that same clarity. As I walked, I kept my focus on my breath, and the sensations around me. Everything around me as I was walking on this sunny, crisp, autumn day became incredible.

The air felt pure and clean within my lungs. Imagining these gentle giants absorbing my carbon dioxide to give the air new life, new fuel for it’s inhabitants, became fascinating. I noticed the colour of every leaf. The beauty of the natural world. The crisp crunching of dry and damp leaves beneath my feet. It was so peaceful, so serene.

As I sat on a log alone it was so quiet. Quiet enough for me, as I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing, to notice the pine needles falling from the trees. To hear the bracken rustling gently in the breeze. To hear the natural cracks of the twigs and branches around me.

It. was. amazing.

As I began to walk back to the real world through the depths of the forest, the more I looked, the more I saw. Mushrooms began to appear as if from nowhere; scattering the forest floor. Life was everywhere. Even on the floor of a forest coming to the end of its time for the year, life was still blooming amongst the debris.

It made me take note that nothing is impossible. I am reassured by the processes of life. That nothing lasts forever. That now, in this moment, is the time to treasure. One day someone will come along who will be everything I’ve ever wanted. Who knows when that may be, but in the meantime this chapter of my life is precious.

Life isn’t about success with material things. It’s about appreciating the fact that we’re alive. Appreciating nature and the world around us. Cherishing all of it. It’s about being the best version of yourself to illicit great, inspiring feelings in others.

No one will remember how much was in your bank account. They will remember how you made them feel. It makes me want to be kind to everyone and everything I come into contact with. It fills me with such love for everyone and everything that I could burst. I want to make everyone feel loved.

So when people roll their eyes at me for reading self help books, or going for a walk on my own, I don’t mind. Because if they felt what I do when I get those moments of clarity, they’d be hooked too.

I hope you all have had a fantastic weekend.

Part 4 of “It could only happen to me” to follow in the near future. x

Dating Lesson #13 – Not-So Shiver Me Timbers

I’ve not posted for so long I’ve actually begun to forget some of the dates I’ve yet to have written about, but seeing as this one has come to me I felt the need to share. After all, sharing is caring.

The dating scene had been quiet for a while and I had decided to take a break; I came off Tinder, I came off OK Cupid, and thought “I’ll have some me time”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me because how could they? I’d removed myself from the dating scene. So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue I get a text from a number I don’t recognise.

“Hi CountryGirl, remember me? It’s Phil; the guy who lives on a boat? Thought I’d see how you are as we got on well but never met up…”.

I feel at this point I should make it clear it had been a while. Two whole months to be exact since I had exchanged numbers with this guy… Who does that? Who keeps a random girl’s number on their phone when I’d come offline two months before? One of two explanations crossed my mind:

  1. He’s a really lovely guy who kept it in the hope we’d keep texting
  2. He’s a psycho who just wants to get laid.

I was optimistic and went for the former.

So erring on the side of caution I decided to reply but kept things light and non-committal. We ended up exchanging pleasantry’s for a couple of days when he asked me out. Result! Well, why not? What have I got to lose?

We decided to meet at a local bar-come restaurant on a lovely summers evening. We sat outside by the river. It soon became clear that this guy was lovely, but not quite for me. He was really quite shy, and kept apologizing for himself. I’d ask him about certain things I’d learnt about him since chatting; playing the violin, being part of a folk band, carpentry. He had some real talents. But for some reason he couldn’t see it. Every time I gave him a compliment or wanted to find out more about him he’d put himself down.

Example 1.

Me: “That’s pretty cool that you play in a folk band! You must be good.”

Him: “Oh no, no. Not really. I’m not very good”

Me: “You may be better than you give yourself credit for!”

Example 2.

Me: “You’ve been traveling? I’d love to hear about it”

Him: “It’s really not that exciting and a bit of  a long story, I’d bore you. Oh god I’m boring you aren’t I”

Me: “Not at all, I’d be interested to hear”

Him: “Well to cut a long story short…”

Just tell  me the story!

Etc, etc.

It’s a real shame. He seemed like a genuine, pleasant guy, but there was just no self confidence, no assurance or self belief.

I could see my old self reflected in his attitudes towards himself. It was like I was looking into the past at what I must have been like when my ex broke up with me and if I’d gone on a date then what I’d have been like.

Perhaps he’d had a big knock. Perhaps he’d always been like it. Who knows, but unfortunately I’d decided by the end of the date he wasn’t for me. I needed someone with self confidence. Not arrogance, just someone who respects themselves and doesn’t put themselves down all the time. I’d been the stronger one in a relationship before, and was certain that wasn’t what I wanted again.

After becoming single, I’d learnt about my own self worth and had changed for the better in that respect towards myself. It was strange seeing it from the other side rather than being the one who felt worthless, or at least projecting that view of themselves to other people.

A few days later he messaged me and asked me out again. I let him down gently (at least I think I did), told him he was a lovely guy, but that I didn’t think we were compatible. I got a rather rude reply back with a sarcastic comment at the end. I think he may have even asked if there was anything he could improve on. I so desperately wanted to tell him to work on his own self esteem, but thought better of it; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even more.

Needless to say I never heard from him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Close Encounters Of The 1st Kind

Well I talked that up didn’t I…They say thoughts create your reality and perhaps my last blog did just that.

Today, for the first day since he walked out the door never to return, I saw him. I was on my way to work and despite never in a year and a half ever seeing him anywhere, there he was. An early morning drive by from me as he walked to work. I knew it was him before I even got close. I could recognise his trainers a mile away. I knew his walk like the back of my hand. His hair was similar but slightly different. As soon as I saw his head turn slightly I knew it was my ex.

I kept my hands on the wheel, slightly panicking as my car was approaching and did the only thing I could think of in that moment; I didn’t look. I drove like it was any other day. I tried not to look in my mirrors. I hoped he hadn’t recognised the car although I imagine he probably did. My body was going through the usual motions. My autopilot steering me to work was ticking away nicely. But I felt sick to my stomach. Butterflies of nerves washed over me like a wave. My breathing changed.

Before I knew it the feelings I thought I’d let go of, that day when he left, came flooding back. They were filtered somewhat, not quite so paralysingly pungent as before but still recognisable. Hurt. Betrayal. Loneliness. Worthlessness. Longing for someone/something that’s no longer there. That I couldn’t stop looking at with rose-tinted glasses.

It affected me for the majority of the day despite my best efforts. I did what I needed to to get it out of my system. I texted friends, I almost cried at work, I got on with things. When I was distracted it was fine. But that image of seeing him there this morning was like a cloud hanging over me.

I tried to use it at lunch to help push me during my workout at the gym. I kept forgiving him in my head, sending him love and best wishes, hoping he was happy as though I was having a conversation with him face to face. I sent him only happy thoughts.

But I was disappointed in myself. I’d come so far. I’d grown so much. It felt like a backwards step when I thought I was almost at a place where I could be over it. I began to question that perhaps I wasn’t. It left me feeling deflated and empty. Can you believe it…all this from a single sighting of him. I didn’t look him in the eye, I didn’t have to speak to him, yet here they were, these feelings were trying to ruin my day. And they almost succeeded. Almost.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight. Unfortunately he had to cancel but I wasn’t willing to go home after work. I’d been wanting to see a film named “How to be single” for a while but I hadn’t had the time or people hadn’t been free. So I did what I wanted. I had a date night with myself. I took myself to the cinema in massively clashing gym clothes (because I wasn’t willing to be seen in my work clothes out and about) and had a GREAT time!

That film was exactly what I needed. Spending time with me doing something I wanted to do was exactly what I needed. And I’m beginning to love cinema dates with myself!

I was scared about watching the movie. From the trailers I had watched I thought it was going to be about drinking, sex, more drinking and more sex. I’m not that kind of person so that would have made me feel even worse about being single as though I wasn’t doing it right. But it was the complete opposite. It appealed to every type of single person out there. Everyone being single in their own ways, no one doing it wrong or right; no judgement. It was so uplifting, side-achingly funny, and inspirational.

It made me realise how great my life is and how my previous posts about the positives of being single are true; this is truly a time to be cherished. I have so much less free time now than I’ve ever had because I’m doing so much more with it. I work in three different places. I have so many wonderful groups of friends. I’ve made so many more new friends as a result of being single. I’ve been travelling to places I don’t think I would have been able to if I’d stayed in that relationship; Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Barcelona, Berlin, New York, France. Trips with friends instead of just me and him. And I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

I volunteer, I meditate, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise more, I go out more, I read more. There’s so much more to just finding someone. NOW is the time for me to find myself. NOW is my time. I may never get this again! I may never be single like this again.

I’ve come home after singing in the car at the top of my lungs to a feeling of satisfaction in my life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. And I really don’t feel like I want anyone at the moment. I choose to be single. I want to carry on developing myself.

It makes me want to delete my Plenty of Fish profile, and I may well do! It makes me want to take a break from Match.com (and if they hadn’t screwed me over for another 6 months subscription I probably would!).

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and it’s ended on a high thanks to a date night with myself, and a fantastic film.

If any of you singles need a pick me up, go watch it. I promise you it will fill you with happiness.

 

Please feel free to leave any comments; love hearing from you.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #9 – The Return of Catch Me If You Can

I have a confession to make.

For those of you who have followed my blogs you’ll remember Frank from Catch Me If You Can Parts 1-3, and how I wrote that he never contacted me again. Well there’s more to that story…

My friends told me to delete his number. That he was a waste of time. That I could do better. They erased him from my phone in all aspects that they could; got rid of his conversations, all pictures and videos, removed his number from my contacts. A week passed and I still hadn’t heard from him but I just couldn’t let it go. I just didn’t understand it. We had a great time on that date. We’d flirted, the conversation had been effortless, there was an easy playfulness when we were in the arcade and we seemed attracted to one another.

So me being the stubborn person that I am I decided to send one final ‘hurrah’ message to let him know I was disappointed. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I still had him on Match.com, so sent him a short message on there stating how it was a shame it hadn’t gone anywhere as we seemed to have a good time.

He replied, apologised, and explained he’d started to think too much and worried he wouldn’t have time to for someone in his life.

I should have read the signs there…I didn’t. I was still clinging on to the hope that it could go somewhere. I should have stopped talking to him there and then. But I didn’t.

We got back into the normal flow of conversation that had been there previously, and things seemed to be ok. But then one day out of the blue he sent me a screen shot of his match.com profile showing how many unread messages he had from women. This was accompanied by a message saying “Oh My God I’ve just logged into Match.com…I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I always thought I’d meet someone in the most unexpected way; damn you rom coms”. I found this pretty hurtful. One, because he had met me online, two, because I didn’t understand why he was showing me this, was this another signal to back off? And three, because if he was divulging this to me perhaps I had been put in the friend category.

I wanted to speak to him in person. I wanted to see his face, hear his voice properly, not a delayed video or an emotionless assembly of words on a phone screen. But typically, that didn’t happen despite me asking.

So I did the only thing I felt I could; I sent him a video. But not just any video. I poured my heart into that video. I explained why, despite the fact I was getting the impression he wasn’t into me, I had continued to speak to him. How after a long term relationship he had been the first person I’d thought “yeah, I really like this guy”. How I hadn’t had as much fun on a date with anyone else. How I wanted to kiss him when we’d said goodbye on the first date but was scared of his reaction. And I asked him straight out, that if I was nothing more than a potential friend to him to just tell me so I could stop harbouring this hope of it becoming something more. I’ve never sent anything like it to anyone before. I was letting him into my world.

Looking back it probably came across as sweet, but also perhaps desperate which was not my intention; I’m just not into games.

He sent me a nice reply saying how he needed to have a serious think because the last thing he wants is to upset me. A day passes and I receive a message saying how lovely I am but he’s realising he hasn’t got time for someone at the moment, to the extent that he’s going to come off Match.com.

I don’t reply. I actually take the hint.

Then 5 days later, on Christmas day, he messages me.

Frank: “Merry Christmas”

Me: “Merry Christmas to you too. Hope cooking the christmas dinner went well.”

Frank: “Thanks a lot x”

I don’t reply.

Frank: “I would like to see you again”

I don’t get it. Why? What’s changed? Not a lot according to him but he felt it such a shame when we get on so well. So I go with it. Again, I should have stopped here. But the hope had been re-ignited and I couldn’t let it go.

We met up, watched a film together at his house, and like before, it was a good time. But again nothing came of it. He went away for another 3 weeks offshore and returned, ignoring my invite for me to return the favour and have him to come to mine to watch a film.

So, after some dutch courage from a friend, I bit the bullet and realised this was never going to happen. I told him I didn’t want a friend, that I couldn’t do this anymore and was going to focus my efforts on someone who wants to date me. That I wished him luck in finding someone when he was ready to.

And he sent me something nice back saying how it was nice to meet me and how I’ll find someone as I’ve got lots going for me.

Perhaps I do, but it doesn’t feel like it.

It feels like I’ve lost the only prospect I had, and not even a good one at that. It feels like there’ll be an emptiness where our funny conversations had been. It feels like I’ll never find anyone again.

My friends were right. I had just invested too much emotion in someone who was never going to like me as much as I liked them. I had allowed myself to be kept on a string, I had let myself be a fool. I’m disappointed in him, but more so in myself.

Letting go isn’t easy. It hurts right now. I know it’ll pass, I know I won’t be alone forever but it’s hard to see what hasn’t happened yet. Looking on the grateful side of things I am grateful for this valuable lesson. One of which I made myself learn the hard way.

I have learnt:

  • Never let someone string you along
  • Never compromise yourself
  • Never settle for someone who isn’t right
  • The fog of a potential new love clouds even the most rational of minds.
  • My friends are pretty much ALWAYS right. I should darn well listen next time because it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

So, it’s back to square one. No dates on the horizon, no one online catching my interest.

Here’s where the lesson of patience, and making the most of my singleton time comes in.

Stay tuned for more dating stories in the future; I still have from from past dates I haven’t yet shared with you. As always if you have any comments or thoughts always enjoy reading them.

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x

 

How NOT to chat to a woman online – Part 2

Hi Everyone, hope you’re enjoying your evening!

Thought I’d interrupt the flow of the blog posts to give you another much anticipated dose of ridiculous and humorous things people have written to me as their opening lines. I honestly don’t understand the mindset of man zombies. It seems like these people are incapable of having a normal conversation with a woman.

Be prepared to potentially react with “WHAT!?”s, “Oh My God”s, and whole lot of “Oh Dear”s!

 

Man Zombie 11: “Hey, do you like feet?”

Me: “Of all the things you could have asked me you decide to see if I like feet? Thanks but no thanks, good luck.”

Man Zombie 11: “Guess you don’t then”

Man Zombie 12: “Hey, I know I’m not your type but can we talk? Please?”

So…. you’re already telling me I’m not your type, and then you’re begging me to talk to you? Good start man zombie, good start…

Me: “No thanks”

Man Zombie 12: “Im sorry”

Errr why? I don’t get it.

Two hours later…

Man Zombie 12: “Ur Amazing”

Oh dear lord.

Man Zombie 13: “Do you like black panties?”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 14: “Do you swallow”

Me: “WOW ok you’re a douche, good luck with that.”

Man Zombie 14: “Was a joke”

Me: “Oh, and I’ve reported you.”

Man Zombie 15: “What’s the difference between me and a pull out sofa? The Sofa pulls out and I don’t. Do you want me to show you?”

Friend: “Oh, well, If you don’t pull out…no”

Man Zombie 16: “Wanna see a thick 11inch? :)”

Me: “Like they exist!”

Well that’s all for now folks, if I get any more funny ones I’ll let you know :-). Happy Saturday, thanks for reading and please feel free to comment below.

 

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #7-Dangerous Liaisons

Well hello there…

So let me tell you all about how a date could have happened but he freaked me out, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you why his texting made me block his account.

Ok enough with the Will Smith (brownie points if you got that!) Hmmm maybe I should do a rhyming rap date blog…watch this space!

I shall call him…Valentino. A charmer to begin with, he looked quite nice, he was smiling (we know how I like that), he had himself for his profile picture in a tux posing like James bond, and he was a bit different to what I’d usually go for (by that I mean he had quite a few tattoo’s). But hey, I’m open, not going to rule someone out for tattoo’s if I can help it, so we got to talking.

And it started off quite well.

Before we begin, I should just day this dating book I’ve read in the past said to me that in order to get more than just the weirdo’s messaging you, that I had to be proactive and message people first; they like that as it’s usually the man who has to make the first move. So I sent the first message and was trying to be flirty and mysterious…

Online…

Me: “Hi Valentino, I see you’ve been checking out my profile…so tell me, did you like what you saw? :-)”

Valentino: “Hey, yes I did very much, but how do I get to meet you face to face?”

Me: “You do what most people do if they want to meet, you ask me out on a date”

Valentino: “Would you do me the honour of going out for a drink with me?”

Me: “Sure, here’s my number if you wish to call me to arrange it”

He never called, but texting began immediately.

Valentino:”So did you like what you saw too? Am I the kind of guy you go for? What attracts you to a man?”

Me: “Yes I did, and no I guess my friends would say you’re not usually my type, if I even have a type! I like a man who has ambition, is loving, funny, and knows how to treat a lady. What attracts you to a woman?”

Valentino: “Confidence and a nice bum doesn’t hurt”

Alarm bell…so he’s only bothered about superficial things? Lets dig deeper…

Me: “Anything else?”

Valentino: “And sexy eyes”

Hmmm maybe there isn’t anything more to this guy…

We’d arranged a day and time to meet by this point, which was a couple of days away.

Valentino: “Can I see some more pictures of you?”

Me: “Are my four on Match not enough? It’s not long to wait then you can meet me in person”

Valentino: “So have you dated a lot of guys? Why are you single?”

Wow he’s to the point

Me: “I’ve been on some dates yes but I haven’t yet found someone I really click with, and can see it progressing with. I don’t like to lead people on if we’re not compatible. I’m not in a rush to find someone, I’m happy as I am but if someone came along that would be nice. And you?”

Valentino: “I’ve been messed around quite a bit so same really”

Oh ok, maybe he’s just trying to make sure I’m not going to mess him around too

The next day the questions continue, but there’s no flow of conversation. It’s all just messages about attractiveness and dates:

Valentino: “So have any guys made it to the third date?”

Me: “Unfortunately not no, like I said I don’t see the point of carrying on seeing someone if there’s no chemistry.”

Valentino: “Are you hard to please or something?”

Whooooaaa there boy! Crikey is that an insult or simply a question? Ok just play it cool…

Me: “No not at all, but I know what I’m looking for. Never know maybe you’ll be the first… :-)”

I later realised this was the worst thing I could have possibly said! When I told my friend later that day about how I was texting this guy but how I wasn’t sure what he was after, she read my conversation.

Friend: “You do realise what the third date means don’t you?”

Me: “No, why?”

The moment when it dawned on me what the third date meant…SEX

Me: “Oh God. I sent him back something which I didn’t realise at the time would be seen sexually! Bugger!”

In an effort to try and rectify my WAY too flirty message, I sent another text…

Me: “Just so you know, if we get to the third date I won’t be putting out so if that’s all you’re talking to me for you may as well stop talking to me now.”

Valentino: “A kiss maybe?”

Me: “Im not ruling out a kiss”

Valentino: “Fingers crossed…”

So I’m still feeling uncomfortable at this point but decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The day of the date arrives and he texts me that morning saying he has to postpone as tonight is the only night he can see his niece before christmas.

That’s quite sweet really, may be he’s not such a superficial guy

I’m understanding and we rearrange for two days later. But then the texts come again:

“So do you find me attractive? Why am I not what you’d usually go for? Pj’s or naked? Sex or chocolate?”

He sends me a picture

“So do you still fancy me?”

And by this point I’m thinking this is a bit much. I know hardly anything about this guy, he’s asking me nothing but stupid attractiveness questions, he’s either a player or he’s very self conscious about himself. Either way, thats not someone I want to date.

Valentino: “So what time shall I pick you up at yours?”

HELL NO! You are NOT finding out where I live.

That was the final this really doesn’t feel ok moment. So, he got blocked.

A day later he sends me a message on Match.

“Hey have you blocked me?”

He gets blocked on match.

He finds me on Plenty of Fish.

“Why you being rude and blocking me?”

Me: “To be perfectly honest with you Valentino I don’t think you’re what I’m after and to be blunt you scared me, hence me blocking you. I wish you luck in your search”

Valentino: “If you think I’m scary then you aint worth it and you going to be unhappy and single for a long time”

Me: “Actually, I think I’ll be just fine. And a word of advice, when you ask a girl out how about having a normal conversation with her, find out about her personality, don’t ask about her ex, her dates, or if she’ll kiss you. Don’t be so shallow. Good luck”.

BLOCKED.

Perhaps I didn’t go about it entirely the right way; I tried to give him a chance to just chat normally but it was a gut instinct and he didn’t seem right at all. They say your gut is never wrong, and it hasn’t let me down so far.

So if anyone has anyone like this in their phonebook you deserve a lot more than that.

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #6 – Jonny Be Good

Hi all, how are we? Great! Hope you all had a lovely christmas, and after my break it’s time to get back on the blog wagon.

So throughout the time I was talking to “Frank” I was keeping my options open, so I started talking to another man named “Jonny” (and what are the chances their real names were exactly the same, freaky if you ask me).

He was my age, looked friendly, was actually smiling on his profile picture…I don’t know why but men seem to think that if they look moody and closed off that they’ll get girls interested; I can assure you, it simply puts us off! Why talk to someone who looks uninterested, moody, and negative, when theres a happy smiley face as an alternative!? Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangent…

What was I saying? Right, so basically he looked like a nice happy chappy, and we got talking. He was local, played rugby (big tick!), had some hobbies, had lived abroad for a year in Australia (adventurous-tick!) and even though Frank was on my radar, Jonny was definitely on there too. Unlike the other people I’d spoken to previously, who lets face it don’t seem to know what being a gentleman is and would outright ask if I wanted sex, Jonny took a much more chivalrous approach to speaking to me. It was nice, it was like a breath of fresh air through all the dating fog that are the male sleazes online.

So we’d been talking for a few days and we’d shared some stuff about each other, things seemed to be moving along well. There was some flirting (which I suspect I’m probably no better at since I began this journey but I wasn’t going to stop trying), and he’d asked me out to which I’d agreed.

Because everything was organised I decided to tell someone. After the disaster of telling everyone about Frank and it falling flat on its face this time I only informed one or two. I sent her a screen shot of his profile picture, plus a little bit of the written stuff underneath. And in all my excitement I’d missed one tiny detail…

Friend: “He looks nice. I see he’s got a child, I didn’t realised you’d be interested in someone who has a child”

WHAT!? How did I completely miss that!?

I’m not going to lie, I was quite taken aback. You know when you try and picture the person you’d like to end up with? What kind of person they are? How they’ll be, how you’ll get married and have children? I had never ONCE considered there already being a child in the picture. It took me by surprise, and I freaked out. I told him about the fact I hadn’t seen this before, and it took me a week to realise that it would be a stupid reason to rule him out simply on the basis of having a child.

It wasn’t his child’s fault, and if someone came across as a good match it seemed a shame to let something that happened a good few years ago put me off. I decided to be better than that. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I considering way down the line if I ever had to meet her, and thinking of what would happen if things didn’t work out, the impact it could potentially have on her? Yes. Was I getting way ahead of myself and needed to take a time out? YES!

He was very understanding and was still happy to go out if I was, so I pushed all the crazy thoughts aside, took it a date at a time and tried to get to know him for him.

The date went well! We rented a rowing boat out on this big lake with lots of twisting routes between forest banks, chatted, and generally had a nice time. The conversation was good, but there was a few awkward silences. He was a really nice guy, despite the fact neither of us could control the boat and we went into the banks more times than I can recall!

Only problem was, I wasn’t quite sure if there was that chemistry there, that spark.

So a week or so later when he asked me out again, I agreed. I needed to see if there was more than just a friendship between us.

We went out tubing this time. For those of you who don’t have the foggiest what that is, it’s going on a dry ski-slope, sitting in a rubber tube and getting shoved down the slope as fast as possible either tied together in your rings or separately.

It was so much fun! Although, little things started to make me think Jonny may not be right for me. There was no playful banter you know? I knew he was quite competitive as was I so I tried to playfully wind him up about who would win on the slopes, but he didn’t take the bait. I don’t know maybe he was still in chivalrous mode but I just wasn’t getting that jokey teasing back. And the more I learnt about him, the less suited we seemed. He was quite happy doing what he did, not wanting to progress, happy to settle down with little adventure or excitement. Thats not what I’m looking for. He didn’t have many hobbies, and conversation became more difficult the less we found we had in common.

When we didn’t kiss at the end of the second date I knew we weren’t compatible. And that thought was confirmed when instead of never speaking to me again, Jonny asked me how I was finding it. I was honest and told him it didn’t feel that spark, but how lovely he was. He felt exactly the same. I’ve never had that before, when two people admit they’re not right for each other but are nice about it.

We wished each other the best of luck, complimented the things we liked about each other that others will love them for and said adieu.

Jonny still to this day is one of the nicest people I’ve met in online dating. I still see him online from time to time so perhaps he’s not found a match yet either, but he showed me how dating could be, how a lady could be treated, and I’m grateful to him for that.

Writing this actually has made me remember how good a dater he was, and how I should heed what I’ve just written, as you’ll soon find I still probably didn’t listen to my own advice with other men!

Not the funniest blog this time I realise, sorry about that!

Until the next time, which won’t be very long a wait,

Countrygirl x

 

Dating Lesson #5 – Catch Me If You Can…Part 3

Welcome to the final instalment of Catch Me If You Can!

I do apologise for not posting this sooner however I’ve been on holiday and haven’t been able to post.

So Previously…

I finally was asked out by Frank, only to be pretty much stood up at the last minute before he went back offshore. After confronting him about if I was wasting my time, him dodging the question and a week of not replying, I eventually received a “best you meet other folk, it’s been short and sweet” message.

Well for one it wasn’t short! I’d never invested such a long amount of time in someone never to even meet them; 7 weeks to be exact! Not short in terms of getting a first date, wouldn’t you agree?

Second, is wasn’t sweet. It was fun, but also downright frustrating at times.

A week or so passed after I got that message and my main mission was to not text him, as I had been instructed to do by pretty much everyone. But I wasn’t prepared for the rejection that comes with dating. I can’t explain why I liked Frank after how much he’d messed me around, but I just did. I hadn’t had such a good flow of conversation, such a strong feeling that if we met we’d get on well. It was one of those things were you just have a feeling about someone, and I wasn’t ready to let go of that.

At the same time I didn’t want to degrade myself any further. I’d chased him when it should have been the other way around, I’d been told time and time again by people he was just playing me, but I had it in my head if I just met him it would be different.

I thought about him A LOT. I text other people so I didn’t text him. I did my upmost not to message and I came so close, but I couldn’t bear not knowing. That “what if we had met?” kept creeping into my mind and eventually led to my undoing. I didn’t really feel I had anything to lose by messaging, so it just happened. I was sick of the games and rules of dating, I just wanted to let him know how I felt.

So, against everyone’s suggestions, I did what I shouldn’t have done…

Me: ” Hey Frank, so I know you basically told me to shove off and if you’re not interested that’s fine, but I’m not into playing games so I wanted to put my cards on the table. I’m a great catch (me trying to be confident), so it’s a downright shame we never met because we seem pretty compatible. I also wanted to say thank you, because you’ve shown me I can actually find someone attractive and like them; I wondered if that would ever happen again. Basically, I really liked you. If nothing comes of this then I wish you all the best. x”

To my surprise I got a reply. The jist was that I didn’t make him feel good when I suggested I was wasting my time, and that he liked the idea of me, but couldn’t tell if he liked me unless we met. Errr that’s what I was trying to do the WHOLE TIME! Just meet him! He suggested we meet when he’s back which by this point was less than a week away, so I agreed.

There was general chit chat during the few days before he was back, and I was pleasantly surprised when he asked me out for a drink and the arcade (as we’d previously planned) the day after he got back!

This time it all went to plan. We met when we agreed, he didn’t back out, and I’ve got to be honest all the effort it took was well worth it; best time I’ve had with someone so far! I thought we would have a brief chat then get down to whipping his butt at the games but we were talking non stop for nearly 2 hours! We laughed, joked and even though Frank won at nearly everything (I let him win on a few though; I wish!) I had a really good time. And my goodness me did he have a nice physique too!

He had walked a good 30-40 minutes to get to the meeting point so I offered him a lift home. When we got to his house he invited me in…purely innocent I can assure you! He showed me how he’d renovated the place, we discussed things he’d bought, and generally chatted some more. I decided now was a good time to leave; while it was going well to hopefully entice him into another date. We said our goodbyes at the door, I said how I’d had a good time, there was a peck on the cheek, a hug and that was it.

Oh how I wish I’d kissed him properly though. Why I hear you ask?

Because I never heard a single peep from him again.

No idea why, when it was the best date I’ve had but maybe he just wasn’t into me. Whatever the reason at least I met him and got it out of my system, but it’ll take a while for it to stop bothering me.

So there we go, catch me if you can is still on the run, be cautious ladies because I was too naive, and I, nay we, are worth better than what this guy provided. I just need to actually remember that next time round!

Hope you have enjoyed this three-parter, if there are any comments would love to read them below.

Thanks, and there’s plenty more still to come!

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x