It Could Only Happen To Me…Part 1.

It’s a bit too early to tell this story but it’s so ridiculously unbelievable I just need to write this as it’s happening. The night it’s happening. I may not post it for a few days but this was written as it occurred, and will continue to be written as it occurs.

As far as writing a dating blog goes, this is SOLID GOLD. I couldn’t have predicted this, or made this up it’s just so weird. So unexpected. So bloody annoying.

I’m sitting here half an hour after reading the text that lead me to this  blog, and I still can’t quite believe it. Every time I think about it I just think  ‘This could only happen to me. What are the chances!?’

Lets start from the start.

I had fancied someone I knew from work for a while. We shall call him Matthew. You know when you just know you fancy someone? It doesn’t happen very often to me but when it does I can tell. He had the most gorgeous smile and warm brown eyes. I would speak to him professionally, knowing that he would never be a prospect because of work rules. So I admired from afar.

A year or so ago I came across him on Match.com. Then again on POF. Then again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign; perhaps it wasn’t just coincidence.

So being the random impulsive person that I am I took it upon myself last christmas to send him a message. Completely innocent, a kind of Love Actually moment. You know the bit I mean? When Kiera Knightly’s husbands best friend is standing outside pretending it’s carol singers, with boards telling her how her really feels knowing he can’t act on them? Yes, that bit.

I was polite, and just told him he seemed like a nice guy and if he’d like to I’d be interested to get to know him better. He replied, and we would have met up but christmas came and went, and the next thing I’m being told is that he was going to get back with his ex.

‘OK, no biggy‘ I thought. I left it at that and told him nothing would change; I would still be professional towards him at work.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and we matched on Tinder. Four. Consecutive. Times. I have a habit of deleting my account after a week realising I’m bored and no-one EVER talks, then in a moment of weakness start up my account again. Obviously I wasn’t going to swipe left on him…but I wasn’t expecting him to swipe right on me after he declined previously. But, he did swipe right. Four separate times. Deliberately.

This time round however I wasn’t going to message. The ball was in his court. And to my surprise he messaged me! “Yey!”you might say. Oh…..you wait.

Around the same time, I also matched with another guy on Tinder. We shall call him Marcus. Now Marcus was good fun right off the bat. He had interesting pictures, good conversation, and I was able to flirt with him and joke around. He was extremely fun to chat to and I felt a connection. Now Marcus didn’t beat around the bush. After a few exchanges back and forth over the course of a few days, he asked me out. By this time I’d already ascertained he was one of the most interesting people I’d spoken to on Tinder, nay, any dating site since joining them. He reminded me of Frank (see previous blog here), but much more confident in his approach to dating. In fact I’d go so far as to say he had the dating lingo down and he was very clear in his approach.

So, we went on a date. A yummy dinner date at a Pan Asian and Sushi restaurant, followed by a drink at a pub. I could not fault him. He dressed well, he spoke well, the conversation flowed. We shared similar interests, had a similar intellect, shared similar dreams and ambitions. We laughed, we drank, we enjoyed each others company. It was probably the best first date I’ve had so far. And we got on well; the connection was real.

The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure if I fancied him or not. But hey, I’d only met him once and I’ve learnt that if you’re not sure, that’s not a reason not to see someone again. Love and attraction comes with time and he ticked pretty much every other box so I was going to give Marcus a fighting chance.

I should mention that while this was going on Matthew and I were on and off chatting, but I hadn’t managed to move the conversation to texting, a phone call, or a date. The texts were sporadic but he’d told me what his working week was like, so I trusted him when he said he was really busy with work and didn’t go on Tinder much. Eventually, we spoke via text message. But by this point Marcus had already asked me out on a second date.

More to come, keep an eye out xx

 

Close Encounters of the 2nd Kind

It’s been over two years now since me and my ex became no more. A lot has changed. All for the better. And I’m finally at a stage where I can just let it go. How do I know? I hear you say…

Well. About a month ago now I was going to a wedding. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was taking my leisurely time in getting ready. The wedding wasn’t until the early afternoon and I had plenty of time so decided I’d pop out to grab myself one of the towns famous sausage rolls for breakfast (I mean who doesn’t love a freshly baked, warm, gooey, sausage roll right!?). It was only down the road. ‘Na I wont bother getting ready’ I thought to myself.

I ditched the PJ’s, grabbed the nearest clothes next to me, and went out the door. No shower. No make-up. Hadn’t brushed my hair. I’m not even 100% sure I had brushed my teeth at this point.

So there I am, strolling down the street past the flat where I used to live, heading to the butchers, looking a state. And who should pull up next to me on their bicycle?

My ex’s dad.

I was in momentary shock, to the point where it took me a minute to register who it even was. I hadn’t seen him to speak to since the day my ex walked out of the door.

I love his parents. I Still do. We’d messaged briefly on facebook a couple of months earlier when I had clocked him in the local supermarket car park and had failed to go over. We both had been afraid of the same thing it turned out; whether the other would want to talk to us. So there and then we had promised each other that if we ever saw each other again we wouldn’t hesitate to go over and start a conversation.

So that’s exactly what he did; and he couldn’t have timed it better. I mean hey, when’s better than when I smell like last night, don’t even know if I’ve brushed, and appearance-wise am definitely not at my best? Sure, come over! I had hoped that if I’d ever run into my ex or his parents I would have been looking fantastic, feeling fantastic, wearing my favourite clothes, with a full face of make up. I had thought so many times about what I would say to them. I’d agonized over whether to ask them how my ex was and still hadn’t known what was best to do. How much information to divulge for fear of my ex hearing through the grapevine about me.

So in one sarcastic respect, he couldn’t have timed it better. But in the other respect, it was the best thing that could have happened to me…

I had no time to think. Seeing him that morning with me looking like that had NEVER for one second even crossed my mind, and that’s exactly why it was so great. I don’t think it could have gone better.

After that momentary shock, I smiled broadly at him, and embraced him in a loving hug. He willingly hugged me back, and I immediately felt at ease. All that worry, all that time wondering if they even still liked me after I left their lives; it all just vanished. There were no hard feelings. We talked for a good while, and exchanged a bit of information about each other. I enquired about his wife, and heard how well she was getting on, to which I was so happy for her. I bit the bullet and without even having time to care, asked how my ex was. I told him how I only had loving thoughts for his son and wished him well. Then we moved onto a new topic with ease and I got across how I’m happy. We hugged goodbye, and I went to get my sausage roll.

Looking back I’m so pleased I did ask about my ex. Because at the end of the day, who cares? Whatever gets back to him won’t impact on me, so why not show kindness towards him and pass on my best wishes.

I never understood how forgiveness is really for the forgiver until that moment. It sets you free.

I’d let go. I knew it as soon as I’d said goodbye to his dad, because I walked away with a beaming grin of happiness on my face. I went home, ate my breakfast, had a shower, and got on with my day without even giving the encounter a second thought.

That’s when I knew I’d finally, fully moved on.

Dating Lesson #13 – Not-So Shiver Me Timbers

I’ve not posted for so long I’ve actually begun to forget some of the dates I’ve yet to have written about, but seeing as this one has come to me I felt the need to share. After all, sharing is caring.

The dating scene had been quiet for a while and I had decided to take a break; I came off Tinder, I came off OK Cupid, and thought “I’ll have some me time”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me because how could they? I’d removed myself from the dating scene. So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue I get a text from a number I don’t recognise.

“Hi CountryGirl, remember me? It’s Phil; the guy who lives on a boat? Thought I’d see how you are as we got on well but never met up…”.

I feel at this point I should make it clear it had been a while. Two whole months to be exact since I had exchanged numbers with this guy… Who does that? Who keeps a random girl’s number on their phone when I’d come offline two months before? One of two explanations crossed my mind:

  1. He’s a really lovely guy who kept it in the hope we’d keep texting
  2. He’s a psycho who just wants to get laid.

I was optimistic and went for the former.

So erring on the side of caution I decided to reply but kept things light and non-committal. We ended up exchanging pleasantry’s for a couple of days when he asked me out. Result! Well, why not? What have I got to lose?

We decided to meet at a local bar-come restaurant on a lovely summers evening. We sat outside by the river. It soon became clear that this guy was lovely, but not quite for me. He was really quite shy, and kept apologizing for himself. I’d ask him about certain things I’d learnt about him since chatting; playing the violin, being part of a folk band, carpentry. He had some real talents. But for some reason he couldn’t see it. Every time I gave him a compliment or wanted to find out more about him he’d put himself down.

Example 1.

Me: “That’s pretty cool that you play in a folk band! You must be good.”

Him: “Oh no, no. Not really. I’m not very good”

Me: “You may be better than you give yourself credit for!”

Example 2.

Me: “You’ve been traveling? I’d love to hear about it”

Him: “It’s really not that exciting and a bit of  a long story, I’d bore you. Oh god I’m boring you aren’t I”

Me: “Not at all, I’d be interested to hear”

Him: “Well to cut a long story short…”

Just tell  me the story!

Etc, etc.

It’s a real shame. He seemed like a genuine, pleasant guy, but there was just no self confidence, no assurance or self belief.

I could see my old self reflected in his attitudes towards himself. It was like I was looking into the past at what I must have been like when my ex broke up with me and if I’d gone on a date then what I’d have been like.

Perhaps he’d had a big knock. Perhaps he’d always been like it. Who knows, but unfortunately I’d decided by the end of the date he wasn’t for me. I needed someone with self confidence. Not arrogance, just someone who respects themselves and doesn’t put themselves down all the time. I’d been the stronger one in a relationship before, and was certain that wasn’t what I wanted again.

After becoming single, I’d learnt about my own self worth and had changed for the better in that respect towards myself. It was strange seeing it from the other side rather than being the one who felt worthless, or at least projecting that view of themselves to other people.

A few days later he messaged me and asked me out again. I let him down gently (at least I think I did), told him he was a lovely guy, but that I didn’t think we were compatible. I got a rather rude reply back with a sarcastic comment at the end. I think he may have even asked if there was anything he could improve on. I so desperately wanted to tell him to work on his own self esteem, but thought better of it; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even more.

Needless to say I never heard from him again.