Dating Lesson #5 – Catch Me If You Can…Part 2

Part 2/3

Evening all,

So just to recap from part 1, Frank had come home for 3 weeks and not asked me out. He’d gone dark for a few days, then an entire week and I had messaged him saying the following in a bid to know if he was interested one way or the other:

” Hey, so this is fun but I’m not looking for a texting buddy. We should meet up. I’m not free this week but I’m free after Sunday and next week”.

And shock, horror…He went dark AGAIN! For another entire week! I stuck to my guns and didn’t message him any more after that one text, clinging onto the hope he would reply. I could see he’d been on the messaging app we were using, but as each day went by with no message in sight, my hope was dwindling.

I hadn’t felt that low since I’d started online dating. Here was this attractive, funny, interesting guy who fitted the vast majority of my dating-guy-wishlist, and he seemed to be interested otherwise why send the funny videos? Yet he was the worst at showing me if he was actually interested or not. That week I moped, I ate so much bad food it was probably the equivalent of a medium sized mammal, and I generally felt like I was never going to find anyone ever again (melodramatic I know but sometimes you just get moments like that!).

Then one relatively mediocre Thursday at work, on the first day since Frank had gone dark for a third time, I actually began to feel a bit better. I was quite happily sat eating my lunch chatting away telling myself I didn’t need a man a realising I was happy being single, which I was. I was scrolling through the net, when I got a message… from Frank. I literally dropped my phone in shock!

Naturally I thought I’d play it cool, so I read it immediately and came across this…

“Soooo…sorry I’ve been so bad at this but I would like to meet with you before I go back…are you free this evening x?”

FINALLY!!!

My natural response was “YES! YES I AM!”, however I knew I had to try and play a little hard-to-get (I’m not very good at “the games” by the way, my hard to get is probably handing myself to them on a platter)…problem was he had only left me 3 days in which to try and be hard-to-get; he was going back offshore that Monday! So I ended up with this:

Me: “I’d love to however I’m not available tonight. I can do tomorrow evening or Sunday afternoon though.”

“Nice one!” I thought to myself.

Another whole day passed and eventually we agreed to meet the Sunday night before his return to work. We chose to go for a drink and play some arcade games which provided some cheeky banter about who would ultimately win (well it’s going to be me…obviously!)

Sunday came and that morning I messaged to make sure everything was ok.

Frank: “All still good, although I have had an email from work. That sometimes means they need me back earlier…If I get a phone call I won’t have a choice…”

It gets to 3pm and we’re meeting at 7…

Me: “Any news?”

Frank: “Nope nothing, it’s looking good!”

So I get ready for the date, dress myself up, make myself feel as attractive as I can whilst still suitably clothed in order to beat his ass at Time Crisis, and it gets to 6:30-ish.

Frank: “I’ve just got back, all ready to go 🙂 what time shall I meet you? x”

Well Frank we’d already decided that but never mind…*starts to type the time we’re meeting to him*

Frank: “Oh crap…I’ve had a missed call from work.”

Ten long minutes pass before I get another message. I’m stood by the door, suited and booted ready to go on this date with a guy I’ve been in contact with for 6 weeks now, the most excited I’ve been since going on my epic ride down the online dating river…

“They want me to get in a taxi and travel up to Scotland right now. 10 hours in a taxi. I’m sorry I’ve ruined your evening”

Only one word comes to mind when I think of that moment. Gutted. Absolutely gutted. Yet I didn’t blame him! I should have, but I didn’t. I replied letting him know my disappointment, but also trying to keep it light hearted. After all, if work had told him he had to go there wasn’t anything he could do right?

Me: “Well I’m not going to say I’m not disappointed, because I am. But these things happen and if you’ve got to work you’ve got to work. So how are you going to make it up to me? ;-)”

I brushed the feeling off best I could, was understanding despite basically being stood up, and suggested we arrange plans before he comes home next time so it’s not so rushed, which he whole-heartedly agreed with.

So I go to work on Monday after having told most of my friends there I was going on this “date”, only to have to explain that I was left in the lurch and it didn’t happen. Needless to say, all my sane, logical, not emotionally involved friends told me how it was.

“He’s completely messing you around…Why are you letting this guy walk all over you?…Wait, so he wasn’t even that sorry!?”…You are just wasting your time, don’t even bother to message him…You are worth more than that.”

Do you know what? They were absolutely right. But did I listen? Nope. Should I have? Course I should have! But I liked this guy so much. I had spent 6 weeks getting to know him, and I had come so close to actually getting to meet him face to face, I felt like I needed to at least meet him in person.

But I also knew that I was being messed about, and that I needed to do something to let this guy know I needed to know once and for all if he was interested, because I still wasn’t even sure! Oh, and he didn’t even end up going back to work…I got a message at 11:30pm that sunday evening saying he’d been called and told to turn round and go back home again as the other guy had decided to stay after all. I mean really!? REALLY!?

So, I decided to tackle it head on.

Me: “Am I just wasting my time here Frank?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised at this point, but it took an entire day for him to reply.

Frank: “Sorry for the late reply, I wasn’t quite sure how to answer your last message…I watched this amazing film last night”…BLAH BLAH BLAH

I DONT CARE WHAT FILM YOU WATCHED! DO YOU LIKE ME OR NOT!?

Me: “You still didn’t answer my question. I don’t want to waste another 3 weeks investing in you if nothing is going to come of it again”

Two days later…

“Ok countrygirl (insert my actual name here), best you meet other folk. It’s been short and sweet x”

My friends insisted I didn’t reply, and I didn’t.

That was the last I heard from him, or so I thought…

 

Stay tuned for the final instalment!

Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave a comment below, would love to hear from you x

Until the next time,

Countrygirl x

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Dating Lesson #5 – Catch Me If You Can…Part 1

Hold onto your seats for this one, because you’re in for a bumpy ride! (oh, and your brain may explode with all the confusion!)

I’d been on Match.com for about a month or so and I wasn’t having a huge amount of success after my first wave of interest when joining, and following Needy Nasir.

So when a random guy who we shall name Frank (brownie points for whoever can guess why he’s called Frank in the comments below!) sent me a message one lovely Thursday morning I was pleasantly surprised to see his introduction a bit different from the rest. He’d obviously taken the time to read my profile, and instead of the usual “hey, how are you?” boring messages from the man zombies of the online dating world, he caught my attention.

I had a little browse of his profile, looked at his pictures (not what I would have said was my type but he was attractive) and briefly read his blurb. Well all I can say is what I saw, I liked, and we messaged a couple of times that day.

By Friday afternoon, we were messaging more frequently. He gave me his number and we moved onto messaging each other via our phones. Everything he was telling me was making me more interested. He loved films, he socialised with his friends a lot, he was confident, witty, flirty, cheeky, sensitive, intelligent and adventurous; I found myself wanting to know more. Frank asked me what I was doing that evening, and it turned out he was going to the same place I was that night; a trampolining centre with a dodgeball court (SO FUN!). I was also doing Go Ape that Sunday and he just so happened to be at the same woods mountain biking; what are the chances!?

So me being me, I felt this must be fate! I didn’t see him over the course of that weekend but we continued to message, sending funny pictures of each other in our fitness gear ready for our woody adventures (ok that didn’t come out how I meant it to! #innuendo). We joked around and teased each other taking the mickey like we’d been friends for years.

Then after he sent me a picture of his hotel room on the Monday (that probably sounds dodgy it was literally a hotel room) I realised he was going offshore. And he wasn’t going to be back for three weeks!

But this was the first guy I’d been interested in, I mean, really interested in. I hadn’t felt this excited about a potential guy (and hopefully a resulting date) since I had joined ANY dating site. Nay, since I had become single. He was everything I was looking for in someone. So, I decided to invest 3 weeks in him. Then when he got back we could go on a date and see if the chemistry was as good in person as it was on paper (well, on phone paper)

I kept my own life busy, started a new exercise class and went about my own endeavours as I would have had I not known about Frank.

We messaged, sent pictures and sent video messages to each other as though we were face timing each other. I’m not going to lie it was great! I was excited when I saw his name on my phone (he did actually reply quickly), and our messaging soon became so playful we set each other challenges to carry out. We had to mime Frozen songs to each other via a video message (which he actually did), I learnt over 30 seconds of one of the hardest rap songs I have ever come across to video to him (if any of you have heard of Alphabet Aerobics you’ll know what I mean; I learnt up the I’s!) and we set other silly challenges such as skipping tricks.

And after three weeks of messaging pretty much every day I felt like I knew him quite well. I’d told people about him, had shown people the video messages and everyone, including myself, was optimistic. He sent me a video the day he was coming home and he even let me know when he was back. Then, he went completely dark.

“It’s ok” I told myself, “he’s been away for three weeks he probably got people to catch up with, friends and family to see”. “Just give him a few days and wait for him to message you. He’s bound to ask you out seeing as you’ve got on so well and there’s plenty of time still; he’s home for three weeks”. I stayed hopeful, and he did message me after a few days, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. A random video message of him at 2am after having been night riding in the forest.

“OK, at least he’s made contact. Why don’t you play it cool…”

 

So I responded to what he’d said in the message, told him I figured I’d leave him alone for a few days to settle back in, and hinted about meeting up.

Then he went dark again, this time for an entire week.

I didn’t understand. I’d invested so much time and effort into him, and I felt him, into me (come on, really!? another innuendo!?). I couldn’t fathom 1) why he hadn’t even remotely suggested meeting up or 2) why he wasn’t bothering to message as much anymore. I sought advice as I was in foreign territory, and the resounding message was DO NOT MESSAGE HIM. So I didn’t. And my god it was so hard not to!

That week I kept up with my own life, but all the time was wondering why he’d gone dark. “Maybe he never liked me”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Maybe he’s got loads of girls on the go”. It was a week of questioning why I wasn’t good enough to deserve to reply.

Then, he messaged again! “Hey sorry for not being too great at replying, I randomly ended up in the Czech Republic! Hope you’re good”. WHAT!? Still not even a how are you? Or a “So I’m back now fancy meeting?”. After deliberations with friends, consulting my dating book, and googling what on earth to do next, I decided to go with this…

” Hey, so this is fun but I’m not looking for a texting buddy. We should meet up. I’m not free this week but I’m free after Sunday and next week”.

 

Then…you’ll have to wait for Part 2 coming up this week to find out; I’ll be posting towards the end of the week…

 

Thanks for reading and if anyone has any comments I’d love for you to share your opinions or experiences you’ve had of people like this.

Until the next time,

CountryGirl x

 

 

 

Dating Lesson #4- Eat, Sleep, Match.com, Repeat…and… The Tale of Needy Nasir

Are you all sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin…

So after failed attempts at Tinder and OKCupid, I decided to bite the bullet and forked out for a paying online dating site. The culprit? Match.com. I was pretty scared about doing this to be honest because in a moment of thinking I was over my nine year relationship, three months after the break-up, I decided to join Match as a free member. And who did I come across? None other than me ex. And I’m not ashamed to say it, but just seeing his face DESTROYED ME all over again. I wasn’t ready to face online dating for a long time after that.

Seeing as it’s so well known, has a very large number of members, and promotes it’s easy use, I felt Match.com would be a good base to start my slightly more serious dating platform from. So I did what I hadn’t been able to do, faced my fears, blocked/blacklisted my ex so he didn’t come up in my search results when I was looking in my area, and filled in my profile properly. And to begin with, I wasn’t disappointed. Compared to the free sites this was definitely a step up!

Though I resented subscribing to a dating website (really?! you have to pay to find love in this day and age?!) and although you can join for free, you can’t actually get anywhere unless you pay. Without a membership you can’t message, see who’s liked you, winked at you, or do pretty much anything. So, I took the plunge…

A few days went by and I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of people who were looking at my profile; some people were even messaging me! I got a lot of winks (which i now realise are the laziest, most minimal amount of effort way to tell someone you like them), and I started talking to some people.

One guy who caught my eye was someone I had matched with on Tinder previously (let’s call him Nasir), who hadn’t been a sleaze and seemed like an OK guy. He had messaged me on Match too and we got back to talking. Tinder and I have this love/hate relationship. It’s a bit of fun, but becomes frustrating, I delete it, then a month or so later I’ll re-download it again. On this occasion, I was on my hate phase of Tinder.

Then after a few days of general chit chat, Nasir asked me out; I was over to moon! My very first date, EVER! Needless to say I was so fricking nervous I went out and bought a dating book to read that very day so I knew the do’s and don’ts of a first date. It was devoured in hours.

Date Day

We arranged to meet at a local pub which was a good half way point for us both, and I set about dressing to make a good first impression. I’d adorned some of my favourite clothing items, applied the lippy, and made myself smell “absolutely fabulous darling”; I was ready to roll.

I rocked up at the pub and waited for his arrival. He soon pulled up in a sporty looking Renault, got out of the car I went to go and meet him. We went in and got a drink, and decided to sit outside the pub with a view of the large tidal lake in front of us.

As we sat sipping our drinks I felt pretty calm and controlled, asking questions, doing the smiling interested look, paying attention to what he was saying and generally trying my best to come across as myself. Then I started to realise this guy wasn’t for me…He was attractive sure, but he smoked (this was NOT mentioned on his profile, massive turn off for me), and as the conversation progressed little alarm bells started going off.

Alarm Bell 1

Me: “So you have an art exhibition coming up? That’s cool, I’d love to know more about it…”

Nasir: “Yeah it’s in your home town actually, going to be happening in a couple of months for a week”

Me: “That’s amazing, congratulations! I’ll have to go take a look seeing as right near me”

Nasil: “I’ll take you and we can look together”

WHOOOOAAAAA…Hold your horses there Mr! So we’ve literally only just met and you think we’ll still be seeing each other in two months!?

Alarm Bell 2

Me: “So what made you come over to England?”

Nasir: “Well I was married in anther country where I am from, and my wife was English. We had been together several years but she was missing home so much. She wanted to come back to the UK and be nearer her family so I agreed to move back with her. Then about 6 months in she just changed, she wasn’t the woman I married. So we split. That was about 4 months ago. She’s the one in fact who told me to go online dating. We still talk a lot, we’re friends”

Whaaaaat!? Your ex wife is encouraging you to go online dating? And they’re still talking? They’re friends? 5 months out of a long  year marriage probably means he’s not over her… The way he was talking throughout the date implied this too.

Alarm Bell 3

Nasir: “I just don’t like being single. I can’t do it, it’s too lonely, I need to be in a relationship”

Me (turning into his therapist by this point): “Give it time, being single is GREAT! You can do what you like, when you like, you can learn new things you’ve always wanted to, you don’t answer to anybody, less washing; it’s all good. I mean hell I went to TGI Fridays the other night ON MY OWN (very pleased with myself about that), and proceeded to go to the cinema afterwards. Just had a date night with me, and I loved it!”

Nasir: “Hmmmm nah I want to be in a relationship”

So Nasir continues to talk about his ex for the majority of the time remaining on the date. We go for a walk, he asks me to stay for food, I decline and before we say goodbye he asks me for my number. What the heck why not…I type it in, we hug and thats that.

The next day arrives and I’ve not really been thinking about the date that much when I get a message on Match.com.

Nasir: ” Why didn’t you reply to my text? Are you ignoring me?!”

Errrrr what text? I never received a text. So I send him my number again to make sure I didn’t get it wrong.

The next minute, he’s trying to call me. I don’t pick up. ALARM BELL!

A short time after that, a text. Then another. Then another.

It gets to about three o’clock in the afternoon and once again, he tries to call me. I don’t pick up…

Nasir Text Message: “Hey you just thought I’d call you on my break and see how your day was going”

I’m sorry, are we in a relationship now or something? ALARM BELL!

The evening comes round and I get ANOTHER phone call…

NEEE NORRRR NEEE NORRRR NEEE NORRRR!

Right thats it. I can’t do this.

Me: “Nasir it was lovely to meet you but I don’t think it’s going to work out romantically for us. I wish you all the best in your search.”

Nasir: “And I thought I’d found nice girl to be with!”

Oh dear lord I’ve never met such a needy guy before! So my first date was a bit of a disaster to be honest. But, I learnt a good few things about myself which have since spurred me on and made me more date savvy.

What I learnt:

  1. You don’t NEED to be in a relationship, you are happy being single and a relationship is a bonus. But if nothing comes along, that’s ok
  2. You are a strong, empowered person
  3. You can pull off a good first date from your side of the table
  4. You may actually be desirable to some men
  5. If there’s alarm bells, walk away.

And the one thing that keeps me going is knowing that with each bad date or date that doesn’t work out, I may be one step closer to the right first date. And that’s exciting!

More drama to come…stay tuned folks!

Until the next time…

Countrygirl x

How NOT to chat to a woman online- Part 1

Hi all, welcome back 🙂

So I thought I’d do a slightly different blog this time before we move onto the next main website (where things start to get interesting; watch this space!) and provide you with some shockingly bad conversations that have been started up by guys I’ve met online, with one or two others popped in there from friends with equally amusing conversations!

Some of these I just decided to reply to for fun, to see if they could detect my sarcasm… others didn’t even qualify for a reply.

The lesson of this blog is simply don’t waste your time with people like this…

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

Man Zombie 1: ” You Single?”

WELL DUH! No I’m just on here for casually cheating on my partner!

Man Zombie 2: “You single x”

Me: “Nope I’ve got 11 boyfriends, one in each county!”

Man Zombie 2: ” You lucky girl how do you manage all them x”

Me: (in the tune of Craig David) Meet Jeremy on monday, go for a drink with Rick on tuesday, see a film with Will on wednesday, Ryan Thursday, n Friday, Phil Saturday, I chill on sunday”

Man Zombie 2: “And the other 6 lol x x that song is stuck on my head x

Me: ” Oh, no thats week 2″

THE RETURN OF SINGLEMUM69!

Singlemum69: “My partner would like you..” 

NO RESPONSE…

Singlemum69: “You can talk to me sweetie”

BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK!

Man Zombie 3: “Lovely eyes”

Me: Thanks

Man Zombie 3: “welcome”

That was it!

Man Zombie 4: “Hey, what you looking for? x”

Me: Not sure yet, why…what are you offering? 😉 (this is my attempt at being flirty!)

Man Zombie 4: “7 inches…you interested?”

Me: “Too small, Sorry.”

Man Zombie 5: “Hey country girl (I bets thats your real name!) are we checking each other out? 😛 Wanna chat? x

Me: “Hey zombie man 5, I may have had a sneaky browse of your profile yes, you started it! Did you like what you saw? 😉 x (another horrendous attempt at “the flirting”…)

Man Zombie 5: ” You’re right I totally started it 🙂 yes I definitely like what I see x”

Me: So, you say in your profile you’re good as selling yourself. Whats your main selling point? x”

Man Zombie 5: “Well I’m not one to blow my own trumpet country girl, I normally leave that to others (Too much information!). Why don’t you make me a cuppa and we can discuss our main points and blow each others trumpets ;-)”

Me: “It’s going to take a lot more than that for you to get anywhere near blowing any trumpet of mine! x”

Man Zombie 5: “Well I’ll just give up then shall I? 😉 x”

Me: “Yep, ok then”

Never heard from him again pah ha ha!

Man Zombie 6: “Hiya how’s u 🙂 x” 

Immediately charged with dislike on the grounds of poor grammar…didn’t reply

Man Zombie 6: “Hi x”

Me: “Hi”

Man Zombie 6: “How’s u” Seriously!?

Me: “GD THNX HW R U?”

Man Zombie 6: “I’m very well thank u had a good weekend 🙂 x”

Me: “Oh I’m glad u hd a nice w/e, gd 4 u”

Man Zombie 6: “Huh…I sed lol did u have a good weekend? (I think he’ll find he didn’t say that!)

Me: “You’re (deliberate) writing is TERRIBLE. Good luck, your going to need it!”

Man Zombie 6: “Lol cya mwah” 

Man Zombie 7: “Wow, love your profile, you are beautiful. I love your pictures too, but I can’t see your wings, angel”

I think I just vommed in my mouth a lil bit…

Me: “Wow. Shall I bring the port and grapes to go with the enormous amount of cheese you just fed me!?”

Man Zombie 7: “Oh I’m glad you liked my message! So have you seen spectre yet?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, you misunderstood my sarcasm. Don’t do cheesy I’m afraid. Too much cheese around”

Man Zombie 7: “lool sorry I didn’t mean to actually bring port and grapes. I was excited to reply to you and forgot to put loool. (WTF?!) So tell me what do you like in a guy, besides being sexy lol.”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 7: ” You have the sexiest mouth”

Oh dear lord!

Me: You have the sexiest nothing because you don’t even have a picture…”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 8: ” Hey how are you? x”

Me: “I’m good thanks yourself?”

Man Zombie 8: “Not bad at all! It’s Friday! :-)”

Didn’t bother replying, no questions…

Man Zombie 8: “So how do you eat yours?….Cream eggs that is lol x”

Me: Bite the top off and scoop out the middle like a dippy egg! You?”

Man Zombie 8: “Lol oh pop it all in my mouth in one go and bite down haaarrd :P”

BLOCKED

Man Zombie 9: “Hi country girl how are you!? x”

Me: Hey, I’m good thanks…how come there’s nothing on your profile?”

Man Zombie 9: “Well I haven’t been on long…And the profile set up is so long winded…couldn’t be bothered haha. You can still think of something to ask me I’m sure 😛 xx”

Me: “If you can’t be bothered, neither can I.”

Man Zombie 9: “Ok lol..”

And last but definitely not least…

Man Zombie 10: “Where have you been hiding all my life?”

Friend: “I’m still hiding”

These never fail to entertain me but goes to show the amount of bleurgh and crap that gets sent a girls way. But you’ve just got to have a laugh, shrug it off, and keep sifting through…

…Part 2 will be added in between my dating lesson blogs but in the mean time I’d love to hear your hilarious/horrendous online conversations so please do leave a comment if you’ve got a good one or just fancy saying something about the blog; would love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading, until next time…

CountryGirl xx

Dating Lesson #3 – Did Someone Say OKCupid? Part 2

The Curse Of Hot n’ Smokey

So after being hit on by COMPLETELY unsuitable men who are old enough to be my father, a lesbian mother and a transvestite, you’d think I may have just thrown in the towel with OKCupid. Well, after reading a good couple of dating books hoping it might give me an insight into where I was going wrong, I decided to stick with it.

I mean there MUST be some great guys out there just waiting to take little old me out on my very first date? Someone I’m attracted to? Who’s got a bit of “Phwoaarrrr” or “How you doin” about them?

Well my luck was about to change, or so I thought…

Casually scrolling through the selection of males on the site…Stops abruptly.

WOW. He.is.GORGEOUS! A sexual God!”

There he was, lets call him Hot n’ Smokey Joe. He had sexy green eyes that you could just look into and time would stand still. Soft but toned features, great skin, perfectly styled hair. Great smile, pictures showing his sensitive side, I couldn’t fault what I was seeing. He had a short but good profile description, nothing special but he’d already caught my interest. He was the first person since becoming single that had actually excited me! If I had met him in the street I would have probably come out with something as Miranda-esque as “Puncture my Lilo!”

Not letting this opportunity to speak to someone I actually found super sexy pass me by, I decided to take action and say hi. And he replied!

Finally! A conversation with someone I actually like! We talked for a couple of days, and I began to realise that I was most definitely putting in all the work. I was asking all the questions, he wasn’t really asking anything back or showing much interest. One day I asked him how his day had gone, and he shared that he’d had a pretty bad one. Interested in why, I decided to try and get the conversation flowing and get him to do some of the work, so I began with this:

Countrygirl: “Why what happened? Or to cheer you up if you don’t want to tell me, how about you ask me any question you like that you’d like to know about me and I’ll answer honestly”

Smokey Joe: “Hmmm ok how about this ;-)… Would you f*** me?

Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Im sorry what just happened? OH.MY.GOD! Of all the questions in the WORLD he could have asked me that’s what he went with?! I am appalled (and maybe slightly pleased as he obviously finds me attractive right?)!

Now I should probably take this opportunity to mention that I have been known to be quite a prude, and being sexy/doing the whole bed, breakfast, and leave scenario has never really been my thing. In my head, I’d love to be able to be one of those people and have crazy, amazing, free-as-a-bird sex with not a care in the world, releasing my inner sexual goddess! On occasion I’d even like to believe that I could actually go out and do that! But in reality I’m a sensitive soul, and don’t really feel comfortable sharing that part of myself unless I know, trust, and feel comfortable with a person.

However, on this day, I decided to try and leave sensitive country girl behind and become the Saha Fierce to my Beyonce, the Miley Cyrus to my Hannah Montana; I attempted to become the inner sexual goddess that I wished I could be. I decided to step out my comfort zone and be daring…

Internal Countrygirl monologue: “You can do this, it’s only a message on a computer and hey if you don’t like it you can just stop, block him, and go back to being your prudish self. You said you’d be honest, so that’s what you’ve gotta do, you go girl!”

Country girl to Smokey Joe: “Well I said I’d be honest, so…yes, I would 😉 Now my turn; same question to you…”

A few minutes pass and I’m getting nervous.

Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that..Shut up it’s only a bloomin message!..But that was a bit slutty wasn’t it…Oh grow a pair would you?!”

Smokey Joe replies…

Smokey Joe: ” Yes I would”

Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “This is so exciting! Why haven’t I released my inner goddess sooner!”

Smokey Joe: “Til you scream…”

Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Nope, nope I can’t do this, too much information! Oh dear Lord!”

And that was the end of that.

What I learnt from The Curse of Hot n’ Smokey Joe:

  1. There are A LOT of guys out there just looking for sex, and not just on Tinder!
  2. The guys with the hottest pictures are often too good to be true
  3. Hot guys probably have the pick of the litter and being original, flirty, and hard to get is probably a lot more appealing than putting yourself on a plate.
  4. I am worth more than just being wanted for a spot of the sex.
  5. My inner goddess should be on show as much as I want, and with the right person will I will be the best inner goddess EVER.
  6. A guy needs to work to be with this! (points to self)
  7. Don’t devalue myself ever again.
  8. Being flirty is good, being sexual online is not.
  9. It’s just a bit of fun but don’t give them the movie without the teaser, and the trailer first!

Would love to hear your feedback, opinions, and thoughts so if you’d like to leave a comment below would love to hear from you!

Until next time,

Countrygirl x

Dating Lesson #2 – Did someone say OKCupid? Part 1

Despite staying on Tinder for a bit of fun, and learning (the embarrassing way) that the vast majority of people just seem to use it for hook ups, I decided to venture into the slightly more serious zone of online dating; an actual dating site! Free mind you, “But hey” I thought, “can’t be any worse than Tinder!”. I wasn’t ready to face paying for a dating site and officially admit I was an online dater, so I figured this was a good introduction…

…How so very wrong I was!

Perhaps it’s just me I don’t know; I have friends who have had decent dates from OKCupid, and get some luck from it. Me however? Well I have no idea what I did but things couldn’t have been more different!

So there I was. I’d chosen some decent photo’s, answered some lovely matchmaking questions to help me see what I had in common with other users, I’d written what I felt was a catchy profile piece; I was all set to go. I could see who had viewed my profile, I could message people that I liked, it seemed on the whole a pretty good free site.

Again as with Tinder there were the usual odd balls who were the typical way-too-old for me males who unfortunately were most definitely not my cup of tea, so they got ignored immediately. After a week or so of being “active” (ahaha! gets me every time now!) things were pretty good.

Then not long after, one random day I get a notification from someone…”ooooooo someone new!” I thought, excited to see who it was. I opened the app, and was faced with…wait for it…Singlemum69 or something to that effect. “Mum? Hang on, she’s female?”

Singlemum69: “Hiya Gorgeous”

Internal Countrygirl monologue: “EW EW EW A LESBIAN MUM HAS HIT ON ME!”

Looks at picture to assess if attractive lesbian in case I decide to convert

Internal Countrygirl monologue: “Oh dear lord…ok nope I’m good with the male variety”

So after swiftly blocking my lady admirer and double, nay, triple checking I hadn’t written I was looking for women in my profile, I put on my enthusiastic cap and went in for round two…

Another day or so passes and low and behold I get another notification. “Things are looking up!” I think. The app once again gets opened, and instead of being greeted with super hot Mr Right as I had hoped, I am faced with a 21 year old, baby faced, asian looking, might-as-well-be-a-teenager!

Loveyoulongtime21: “Hi there, you are so beautiful I love you best please be my girlfriend I treat you right, older men bad for    you, need me yes?”

Internal Countrygirl monologue: “Seriously I need someone to take a look at this profile there must be something wrong with it”

Blocks immediately

A little disheartened once again I dust off the extreme incompatibility of my known suitors/suitesses and decide to persevere. I mean there’s plenty of fish in the sea; OK so I got a couple of sea snails but I bet there’s a Nemo out there to find who’s looking for their Dory.

So I continue on, messaging the odd person, tweaking the profile and answering more matchmaking questions.

Glances at the phone “OKCupid: You have a new message”

Countrygirl monologue: “Ok lets do this!”

I open the app to find not the most original of messages…”Hey”

I look at the name…“Luke”, so far so good.

I look at the picture, and I am faced with a full body selfie taken in the mirror of “Luke” dressed as Lady Lukess of Lukington. Im sorry what?! Are my eyes playing tricks on me?!

Nope, that is definitely a transvestite.