Dating Lesson #12- Zero Dark Flirty

So.

After a while of being on POF and being little bit more proactive, I started talking to a guy code named “Mark”.

He was chatty, flirty, and came across as quite confident. After a few days of talking he asked me out on a date. Because we both had things planned during the days and evenings (us being such socialites),we arranged to go on a breakfast date. I know right…very cosmopolitan!

We decided to go to a cafe near where he lived and is a short drive from me. It’s quite a hip, vintagey, bits-and-bobs type venue. A cool place to hang out and have breakfast, an afternoon tea venue, and in the evenings changed into this awesome bar, come mini club playing “Kill Bill” on a projector whilst retro 80’s music boomed across the crowded dance floor. ANYWAY, I digress.

So I arrive early, and he strolls up looking even more attractive than he appeared on his pictures, and I’m thinking “yes! finally someone I’m attracted to physically!”. Now I know that looks aren’t the be all and end all, in fact far from it, but when you’re online dating that is the single most important thing that gets you interested in someones profile. I also feel there has to be some physical attraction initially in order to want to get to know the person on a romantic level. So that was the first big tick. All my other dates had been nice and the guy wasn’t unattractive, but I didn’t get that “yes, I fancy you” feeling.

So we hug, go inside and get ourselves seated at an arcade table which turns out to be a great conversation starter! He’d got great arms I noticed; obviously works out or plays sport. He’d got great eyes, and unusually for me he was blond; not what I’d usually go for. And the more I find out about him the more I like him.

He played rugby – big tick in my book! He’d been to university and low and behold it turns out he went to the same city as I did for uni, just the rival campus; what are the chances! He’s close with his sister, likes kids, has ambition, is a manager for a gym and was a personal trainer. He was well spoken,witty, articulate, and intelligent. For me this was, and is pretty much what I’m after in a potential romance, so I was overjoyed!

Obviously, I tried to play it cool. I made jokes, flirted as best as someone like me can (that is to say I do not know how to play the game!), and was generally open and engaging.

We played a bit of Pac-man, realised that we’d been in there nearly two hours, and called time on the date.

Now, as we left I made a bit of a mistake in how I handled the goodbye. This is only from a book I read, but you should let your date know if you had a good time, but not suggest another date or seem too keen. I however, on walking away from him said “I’ll text you”.

Not cool country girl. Not cool at all. I immediately knew I’d made a mistake as soon as the words left my lips, but the damage was done and I would have to be the one to text first. My only saving grace is that he replied with “make sure you do…”

“YES!” I thought. “He must like me if he wants me to text him”.

So again, I tried to play by the rules of dating, or what I think are the rules of dating; you should leave it at least 24 hours before texting. I was patient, and did exactly that. It wasn’t anything big, just something along the lines of “Thanks for a great time. How was London?” (He’d gone there to see friends after the date).

Did I get a reply? No. Did I want one? My god yes.

Eventually he did respond, but each time I replied (in a not so eager manner) I didn’t hear anything for at least 3 days.

I didn’t understand. It had gone so well. I was gutted.

One evening about a two weeks after the first date he decided to see if I was going out on the town. I said I wasn’t but he tried to get me to come out and “bring my friends”. I declined, and told him if he’d like to go out again for another date I’d be more than happy to. He said he’d check his calendar…

…and I never heard from him again.

Why? Who knows. But I do know the following:

  1. I should have taken the hint when talking about Netflix and he replied “yeah but no Netflix-and-chill sadly”, that perhaps we was looking for a hook up.
  2. I should NOT have said that I’d text him.
  3. That he just wasn’t that into me.

As hard as that is to hear myself say, he wasn’t. I can’t control how the date felt for him. Perhaps I wasn’t his type. Perhaps my confidence put him off. Perhaps he suspected I wanted to do things properly, and he wanted casual fun. I don’t know and I’ll never know. But if he was interested, he’d have made the effort.

That is one lesson time and time again I haven’t yet quite grasped. I am worth being chased. I am worth a phone call. I am worth dating.

Slowly but surely, that is registering somewhere in me. As you will see later though, I haven’t got it, just yet.

As a small side note, is it just me or do other people out there wish that if a guy wasn’t interested you could get some feedback on your date? What they didn’t like, what they did, what could be improved on? Thats the one thing with dating that really gets me. How will I know if I’m a good date if no one ever tells you if it’s good or not?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love as always,

Country girl x

 

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Baby Got Back.

Hello!

Wow. It has been AGES since I updated my blog! Apologies.

Honestly, I just fancied a break from the whole dating thing. After a while it becomes like social media; an automatic reflex to do on your phone, and I didn’t like that. I wanted to be free from the commitments of checking my profile, updating photos, deleting messages from people who can only be bothered to say “hi”.

I can confidently say it was great…for a while.

I got my life back! Suddenly I found myself making my time much more productive. I started a crochet project and made a cute elephant for my friends baby. I did more exercise. I worried less about what people thought about me and just enjoyed doing things for me. There was no pressure to make an effort with men online and it was empowering. I was on a dating holiday; a hiatus from the stresses of keeping up POF, Tinder and OK Cupid appearances. I was sunning myself up on the hypothetical beach of the island ‘Nondatius’.

I spent a good three months not worrying about dating and began to feel more like me again, without the annoying thoughts of:

Do I like this guy? Should I go on another date with him? Why isn’t he relpying? Oh wait it’s only been an hour. Three days later..WHY isn’t he replying!? Maybe I should message him…NO countrygil, NO. Don’t you dare! You are worth more than that and you don’t want to appear desperate. OH but why won’t he reply? Whats wrong with me? Why can I not seem to find someone decent?  I think my heads going to explode…AAARRRRGGGH!!!

Etc, Etc.

Problem was, I wasn’t really meeting anyone new either. I always thought, and hoped, that when I do meet my match it would be organically. There’d be no online dating involved…Drifts off into a romantic dreamy daze…I bump into someone in the post office, dropping my letters all over the floor. He helps me pick them up and then as we rise together we look into each others eyes and get that instant click of chemistry. Or through a friend, or maybe even through work. A spontaneous arrival at my workplace to ask me out. A phone call offering to take me out to dinner. You know, good old fashioned dating. Where a guy chases a girl, where he knows how to behave whilst still having a cheeky flirt. Does anyone else have this problem? Not being able to meet people in day to day life?

Perhaps that will still happen. Perhaps it won’t. But regardless, meeting men in this day and age just doesn’t seem very easy.

So, after three lovely men-free months I’ve decided to brave it again, if for nothing other than more dating practice and for when Mr Right comes along. Oh, and of course for you blogging amusement!

I’ve still got a few stories up my sleeve so stay tuned for much more regular posts than there has been recently.

As always, comments are always welcome. Would love to hear of similar experiences of people who don’t particularly like online dating but can’t seem to meet men otherwise.

See you soon!

Countrygirl x