Well good day to you fine sir/lady.
Welcome to another instalment of Thedatebookblog! Now this is a story all about how, a guy went way too fast and freaked me out, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I had to stop it all before marriage was in the air.
Slightly different tale to usual this time as I actually met this guy “organically”. That is to say there were no computers of any kind used in the initial meeting of this person. He was living with someone from work (Samantha, Sam for short) who I had volunteered to be a guinea pig for as she was learning a new hobby and needed wiling subjects.
Before I’d even met him I had built up an idea of what this guy might be like, as the first time I saw Sam for her to practice on me I had been discussing my ex and what I didn’t want in a man anymore; plays on xbox all the time, no ambition, watches TV al the time, etc. She had gone “Oh that sounds a bit like Tom who lives here, he likes his games and tv series”.
“Riiiiigggghhhhttt” I had thought, and then it had exited my mind as fast as it had entered it.
The next time I went to see her I met Tom in the kitchen whilst she was “getting the room ready”. Getting the room ready, phuh! I now realise it was all just a plan to put me in a room with Tom so we’d start talking! He was a nice guy to chat to. He had a lovely smile. He was engaging, and friendly, and easy to talk to. After about 15 minutes of being in the kitchen with him and learning a little about why he lived with my friend, the room was ready and he left us to it. Again, as soon as he’d left I thought nothing of it really, just that he seemed like a nice guy.
A few days later I had to text Sam to let her know how I was feeling about her treatment.
“Tom’s been talking about you last night and how lovely you were. I think he’d like to ask you out! Can I give him your number?”
“Sure” I replied. Seeing as this was the first nice guy I’d met and not even online it was definitely worth a go.
For some reason one date wasn’t enough to organise to start with so I ended up making plans to see Tom on a Saturday for a coffee in town, then again the following Friday for a cinema trip. The first date went pretty well! He was friendly, warm, and interesting. We talked about everything under the sun, I learnt about his family, his past, our interests and hobbies. Unfortunately despite him being a lovely genuine guy I wasn’t sure if I felt any romantic chemistry towards him and I picked up on quite a few differences between us.
But, the second date had already been line up and I needed to figure out whether there was any romantic chemistry there.
As Tuesday came around I began to get nervous as he’d been a little “hands on” at the first date which I wasn’t used to. He’d also text me very shortly afterwards saying how he’d had a fantastic time, how time had flown by, how we’ve got so much more still to talk about, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again. Don’t get me wrong that was all very nice to hear, but because I wasn’t sure I found it a bit heavy after one meeting. I was tempted to text and say I didn’t think meeting again was a good idea, but I received a text saying he’d already booked and paid for the tickets. I was going whether I was considering backing out or not.
Friday evening arrived and we had arranged for him to pick me up at a nearby supermarket. From the moment we had an initial hug to say hello I don’t think his hand left contact with some part of my body for most of the remaining evening. From walking the short distance to the car with his hand on the small of my back, to touching my thigh periodically on the way to the cinema, to again the small of my back from the car park to the cinema; it didn’t stop.
I know I know, I get it. He was just showing his interest, and if it had been every now and then I would have found it a nice gesture. But the fact that on every other date I’d been on that hadn’t happened, and the fact it was a little too often for my liking made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do really so I just didn’t touch him in any way similar; I didn’t want to give him any signs that I liked it or wanted more of it.
The conversation continued to flow nicely. I paid for the popcorn and drinks to say thank you, and he was even sweet enough to buy me a book for a flight I was taking a few days later.
We were waiting outside the cinema when he mentioned if I was a fan of Star Wars.
Me: “Not really I’m afraid”
Tom: “Well I was just wondering because my sister, her partner and I are going to go and watch it when it comes out and I asked if I could bring you along.”
Me: “You want me to meet your family on the third date?”
Tom: “No, just my sister and her partner”
I’m sorry, but that’s family! There’s other reasons too about parents but I won’t go into them.
Me: “Well like I said I’m not much of a Star Wars fan so lets discuss it when I’m back from my holiday.”
And it was left at that. The doors opened and we were allowed to our seats for the film.
Now I don’t know about you, but when I go to the cinema I go to WATCH the film. I like to completely lose myself in whats on the screen, be part of it all, get enthralled in the plot. I can’t chat when it’s on, and other things that supposedly happen between a guy and a girl in a cinema are lost on me.
So we’re in the cinema, the film has begun, and there’s a large armrest between us upon with which our popcorn is sitting. My left elbow is resting on the armrest to support my head which I’m using my left hand to support, and I’m really getting into the film. When out of the corner of my eye I can see Tom changing his arm position so that his left hand is on the armrest too. I continue to watch the film but on three occasions, all of which I ignore, he strokes my elbow to try and get me to do something, I’m not sure what. Hold his hand maybe? I don’t know but I’ve made my mind up by this point.
Anyway I try to regain my focus on the film I’ve been wanting to watch for ages. A jumpy part arrives and because I’d read the book I knew what was going to happen. So I’m sat there anticipating this big jump, which despite my best efforts still makes me leap out of the chair, and Tom is again touching my arms comforting me as though I’m a damsel in distress. Again I just try to brush it off and we manage to go through the rest of the film with just the odd elbow stroke.
As we leave discussing the film, the small of my back receives an all too familiar hand.
The car journey back is uneventful and we discuss our tastes in music. Then comes the goodbye. Oh man, I’m not good at goodbyes on first dates let alone second dates!
I go in for the hug in the car, as does he. I lean out of the hug, he doesn’t. I fumble and apologise for it being awkward, he laughs it off. I give him the quickest peck on the lips I’ve ever done in my life before thanking him for the evening and closing the car door on his outstretched arm that was going for my leg.
An hour or so passes and I get another text after. Again he’s exclaiming how he had the best time, how he can’t wait to see me, how he feels its fate we’ve met. That’s when I decide it would be unkind of me to allow any further dates or hopes to be on the cards.
I text the next day explaining how he’s a genuinely lovely guy but I don’t feel any romantic connection and would only see us being friends. He tries to keep the hope alive and apologises for being too keen he just really likes me, and I feel like the worst person in the world, but I stick to my guns and wish him all the best.
I know. I could have gone with the flow and just let him touch me. I could have settled for someone who liked me lots just to have someone and not be single, but there was too much uncommon ground. We shared too few common interests and I wasn’t romantically attracted to him. Surely it would have been meaner to keep providing him with false hope? I don’t want to settle for someone who’s not right this time around.
If you’re reading this Tom, I do genuinely think you are lovely and I wish you all good things. Just not with me.
Hope you enjoyed the blog and as always if there’s any comments people would like to share please do post below; always enjoy reading and replying.
Until the next time,