I have a confession to make.
For those of you who have followed my blogs you’ll remember Frank from Catch Me If You Can Parts 1-3, and how I wrote that he never contacted me again. Well there’s more to that story…
My friends told me to delete his number. That he was a waste of time. That I could do better. They erased him from my phone in all aspects that they could; got rid of his conversations, all pictures and videos, removed his number from my contacts. A week passed and I still hadn’t heard from him but I just couldn’t let it go. I just didn’t understand it. We had a great time on that date. We’d flirted, the conversation had been effortless, there was an easy playfulness when we were in the arcade and we seemed attracted to one another.
So me being the stubborn person that I am I decided to send one final ‘hurrah’ message to let him know I was disappointed. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I still had him on Match.com, so sent him a short message on there stating how it was a shame it hadn’t gone anywhere as we seemed to have a good time.
He replied, apologised, and explained he’d started to think too much and worried he wouldn’t have time to for someone in his life.
I should have read the signs there…I didn’t. I was still clinging on to the hope that it could go somewhere. I should have stopped talking to him there and then. But I didn’t.
We got back into the normal flow of conversation that had been there previously, and things seemed to be ok. But then one day out of the blue he sent me a screen shot of his match.com profile showing how many unread messages he had from women. This was accompanied by a message saying “Oh My God I’ve just logged into Match.com…I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I always thought I’d meet someone in the most unexpected way; damn you rom coms”. I found this pretty hurtful. One, because he had met me online, two, because I didn’t understand why he was showing me this, was this another signal to back off? And three, because if he was divulging this to me perhaps I had been put in the friend category.
I wanted to speak to him in person. I wanted to see his face, hear his voice properly, not a delayed video or an emotionless assembly of words on a phone screen. But typically, that didn’t happen despite me asking.
So I did the only thing I felt I could; I sent him a video. But not just any video. I poured my heart into that video. I explained why, despite the fact I was getting the impression he wasn’t into me, I had continued to speak to him. How after a long term relationship he had been the first person I’d thought “yeah, I really like this guy”. How I hadn’t had as much fun on a date with anyone else. How I wanted to kiss him when we’d said goodbye on the first date but was scared of his reaction. And I asked him straight out, that if I was nothing more than a potential friend to him to just tell me so I could stop harbouring this hope of it becoming something more. I’ve never sent anything like it to anyone before. I was letting him into my world.
Looking back it probably came across as sweet, but also perhaps desperate which was not my intention; I’m just not into games.
He sent me a nice reply saying how he needed to have a serious think because the last thing he wants is to upset me. A day passes and I receive a message saying how lovely I am but he’s realising he hasn’t got time for someone at the moment, to the extent that he’s going to come off Match.com.
I don’t reply. I actually take the hint.
Then 5 days later, on Christmas day, he messages me.
Frank: “Merry Christmas”
Me: “Merry Christmas to you too. Hope cooking the christmas dinner went well.”
Frank: “Thanks a lot x”
I don’t reply.
Frank: “I would like to see you again”
I don’t get it. Why? What’s changed? Not a lot according to him but he felt it such a shame when we get on so well. So I go with it. Again, I should have stopped here. But the hope had been re-ignited and I couldn’t let it go.
We met up, watched a film together at his house, and like before, it was a good time. But again nothing came of it. He went away for another 3 weeks offshore and returned, ignoring my invite for me to return the favour and have him to come to mine to watch a film.
So, after some dutch courage from a friend, I bit the bullet and realised this was never going to happen. I told him I didn’t want a friend, that I couldn’t do this anymore and was going to focus my efforts on someone who wants to date me. That I wished him luck in finding someone when he was ready to.
And he sent me something nice back saying how it was nice to meet me and how I’ll find someone as I’ve got lots going for me.
Perhaps I do, but it doesn’t feel like it.
It feels like I’ve lost the only prospect I had, and not even a good one at that. It feels like there’ll be an emptiness where our funny conversations had been. It feels like I’ll never find anyone again.
My friends were right. I had just invested too much emotion in someone who was never going to like me as much as I liked them. I had allowed myself to be kept on a string, I had let myself be a fool. I’m disappointed in him, but more so in myself.
Letting go isn’t easy. It hurts right now. I know it’ll pass, I know I won’t be alone forever but it’s hard to see what hasn’t happened yet. Looking on the grateful side of things I am grateful for this valuable lesson. One of which I made myself learn the hard way.
I have learnt:
- Never let someone string you along
- Never compromise yourself
- Never settle for someone who isn’t right
- The fog of a potential new love clouds even the most rational of minds.
- My friends are pretty much ALWAYS right. I should darn well listen next time because it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
So, it’s back to square one. No dates on the horizon, no one online catching my interest.
Here’s where the lesson of patience, and making the most of my singleton time comes in.
Stay tuned for more dating stories in the future; I still have from from past dates I haven’t yet shared with you. As always if you have any comments or thoughts always enjoy reading them.
Until the next time,