Good evening to you all and thanks for joining!
The dating scene has been a little dry recently (oh don’t worry I’ve still got some stories to tell!) so it’s given me some time to think about where I am and about being a member of the land of singledom.
So a slightly different lesson plan today folks, but it’ll be bright and cheerful none the less.
It’s been one year and four months since I became an elite member of the singles club. I thought being single would be a handicap. I thought people would come up to me and be all “Oh, your single? Oh I’m so sorry, why can’t you seem to find a man?!”, and on the rare occasion that has happened. I thought I would be miserable, sat at home like a loner with no one to spend time with or cuddle up to. Basically I saw being single in a very negative light, probably because I hadn’t been without a boyfriend in a looooong time and the thought scared the life out of me!
Being in a relationship can be pretty darn great. Being in a relationship seems to be the socially accepted thing to do. You find someone, possibly even “settle” for someone, get married, get a house, have children. It’s the done thing for the vast majority of people and at some point in the future I hope to do those things too. Being single seems to be seen as something undesirable; a way of living that isn’t by choice but forced upon someone by the breakdown of a relationship. Something people seem to be sympathetic towards.
But you know what? Being single is pretty blooming great too!
I’ve learnt so much since becoming a single lady (All the single ladies? All the single ladies! All the single ladies? All the single ladies! Put your hands UP!), and I’d like to share with you the lessons I’ve learned so far about being unattached that make it so darn good…
Singledom Lesson #1 – Gratitude
This is the seldom most important lesson I have learnt thus far since being on my own. In the early weeks and months following my break-up, it was hard to stay upbeat all the time. In fact if you asked my friends at the time they’d probably say I was a pretty big crying mess of a person! But a simple and easy way for me to remain positive and happier came along when a friend (and the book they gave me) suggested I write a gratitude list every day of all the things in my life I was grateful for.
I can safely say this is one of the most valuable lessons I have EVER learnt. It turns my attention to all the wonderful, fantastic things and people in my life. It makes me remember everything good, simple and pure in my life. The simplest, teeny tiny things that usually get taken for granted don’t escape my focus anymore. Such basic, life-giving gifts that so rarely get thought about but that so many in the world go without. Clean water. Available food. A roof over my head. Warmth. A bed. Clothes. People who love me and who I love being part of my life.
It never ceases to make me stop and go “WOW. I am SO lucky to have all these things! I am SO lucky to have been given the opportunity for an education, to have healthcare, to be able to go to university, to have time to have fun”. And it always puts a positive spin on my day. Ever since the day I picked up that pen and wrote in my journal for the first time my gratitude list, I make one in my head or on paper every day of what I am grateful for in my life.
And I’ll never stop being grateful for that. For being given the chance to learn this lesson.
Singledom Lesson #2 – Friends and Family
I have never been more grateful for the caring, lovely, funny, wonderful friends in my life since becoming single.
I’ve never been one to ditch my friends when I’m in a relationship; I liked to have my own life outside the “us” that was my boyfriend and I.
But when you go through a break-up you realise how many friends you truly have, and I was very lucky to have lots and lots of people gather round and support me when I needed it. They stayed with me in my house to comfort me when I woke up most mornings crying, they made me laugh when I felt like curling up into a ball, they forced me to go out and socialise when all I fancied doing was staying in my house and moping. They were my ROCKS. They were, and ARE everything to me, as are my family. They are my extended family, and I don’t know what I would do without them. So if any of you are reading this, I love you a hell of a lot!
I am also more grateful than I have ever been for my family. I’ve never appreciated so much just how much they have done for me, and how deep their love goes. My pain after the breakup was their pain. My tears became their tears. My hurting heart made theirs hurt. It made me realise how deeply connected with them I am despite how much or little we tell each other we love each other out loud.
My family have never been the “I love you” sort, but we all know. Its a given between us all. If there was ever a family emergency, we’d all be there for one another in an instant. But going through a break up has highlighted how much I love them. I hug them more, I tell them more how much I value them, the bond has deepened further than I knew it could.
So again, if any of you are reading this, I love you dearly.
To be continued…
Wow I’ve said more than I was expecting and only covered two amazing parts of being single! Im itching to write the next instalment already! Stay tuned for more in the following days, and I hope this has put a smile on your face.
Thoughts and comments are always welcome 🙂
See you soon,