How NOT to chat to a woman online- Part 1

Hi all, welcome back 🙂

So I thought I’d do a slightly different blog this time before we move onto the next main website (where things start to get interesting; watch this space!) and provide you with some shockingly bad conversations that have been started up by guys I’ve met online, with one or two others popped in there from friends with equally amusing conversations!

Some of these I just decided to reply to for fun, to see if they could detect my sarcasm… others didn’t even qualify for a reply.

The lesson of this blog is simply don’t waste your time with people like this…

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

Man Zombie 1: ” You Single?”

WELL DUH! No I’m just on here for casually cheating on my partner!

Man Zombie 2: “You single x”

Me: “Nope I’ve got 11 boyfriends, one in each county!”

Man Zombie 2: ” You lucky girl how do you manage all them x”

Me: (in the tune of Craig David) Meet Jeremy on monday, go for a drink with Rick on tuesday, see a film with Will on wednesday, Ryan Thursday, n Friday, Phil Saturday, I chill on sunday”

Man Zombie 2: “And the other 6 lol x x that song is stuck on my head x

Me: ” Oh, no thats week 2″


Singlemum69: “My partner would like you..” 


Singlemum69: “You can talk to me sweetie”


Man Zombie 3: “Lovely eyes”

Me: Thanks

Man Zombie 3: “welcome”

That was it!

Man Zombie 4: “Hey, what you looking for? x”

Me: Not sure yet, why…what are you offering? 😉 (this is my attempt at being flirty!)

Man Zombie 4: “7 inches…you interested?”

Me: “Too small, Sorry.”

Man Zombie 5: “Hey country girl (I bets thats your real name!) are we checking each other out? 😛 Wanna chat? x

Me: “Hey zombie man 5, I may have had a sneaky browse of your profile yes, you started it! Did you like what you saw? 😉 x (another horrendous attempt at “the flirting”…)

Man Zombie 5: ” You’re right I totally started it 🙂 yes I definitely like what I see x”

Me: So, you say in your profile you’re good as selling yourself. Whats your main selling point? x”

Man Zombie 5: “Well I’m not one to blow my own trumpet country girl, I normally leave that to others (Too much information!). Why don’t you make me a cuppa and we can discuss our main points and blow each others trumpets ;-)”

Me: “It’s going to take a lot more than that for you to get anywhere near blowing any trumpet of mine! x”

Man Zombie 5: “Well I’ll just give up then shall I? 😉 x”

Me: “Yep, ok then”

Never heard from him again pah ha ha!

Man Zombie 6: “Hiya how’s u 🙂 x” 

Immediately charged with dislike on the grounds of poor grammar…didn’t reply

Man Zombie 6: “Hi x”

Me: “Hi”

Man Zombie 6: “How’s u” Seriously!?


Man Zombie 6: “I’m very well thank u had a good weekend 🙂 x”

Me: “Oh I’m glad u hd a nice w/e, gd 4 u”

Man Zombie 6: “Huh…I sed lol did u have a good weekend? (I think he’ll find he didn’t say that!)

Me: “You’re (deliberate) writing is TERRIBLE. Good luck, your going to need it!”

Man Zombie 6: “Lol cya mwah” 

Man Zombie 7: “Wow, love your profile, you are beautiful. I love your pictures too, but I can’t see your wings, angel”

I think I just vommed in my mouth a lil bit…

Me: “Wow. Shall I bring the port and grapes to go with the enormous amount of cheese you just fed me!?”

Man Zombie 7: “Oh I’m glad you liked my message! So have you seen spectre yet?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, you misunderstood my sarcasm. Don’t do cheesy I’m afraid. Too much cheese around”

Man Zombie 7: “lool sorry I didn’t mean to actually bring port and grapes. I was excited to reply to you and forgot to put loool. (WTF?!) So tell me what do you like in a guy, besides being sexy lol.”


Man Zombie 7: ” You have the sexiest mouth”

Oh dear lord!

Me: You have the sexiest nothing because you don’t even have a picture…”


Man Zombie 8: ” Hey how are you? x”

Me: “I’m good thanks yourself?”

Man Zombie 8: “Not bad at all! It’s Friday! :-)”

Didn’t bother replying, no questions…

Man Zombie 8: “So how do you eat yours?….Cream eggs that is lol x”

Me: Bite the top off and scoop out the middle like a dippy egg! You?”

Man Zombie 8: “Lol oh pop it all in my mouth in one go and bite down haaarrd :P”


Man Zombie 9: “Hi country girl how are you!? x”

Me: Hey, I’m good thanks…how come there’s nothing on your profile?”

Man Zombie 9: “Well I haven’t been on long…And the profile set up is so long winded…couldn’t be bothered haha. You can still think of something to ask me I’m sure 😛 xx”

Me: “If you can’t be bothered, neither can I.”

Man Zombie 9: “Ok lol..”

And last but definitely not least…

Man Zombie 10: “Where have you been hiding all my life?”

Friend: “I’m still hiding”

These never fail to entertain me but goes to show the amount of bleurgh and crap that gets sent a girls way. But you’ve just got to have a laugh, shrug it off, and keep sifting through…

…Part 2 will be added in between my dating lesson blogs but in the mean time I’d love to hear your hilarious/horrendous online conversations so please do leave a comment if you’ve got a good one or just fancy saying something about the blog; would love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading, until next time…

CountryGirl xx



  1. thepurpledreamer · November 13, 2015

    My goodness! What’s going on with the world? I can’t stand poor grammar. I think the best ones are when they become aggressive because you haven’t replied, all of the accusations “you think you’re too good” or my absolute favourite “I thought you were too big for me anyways!” When did all of the good manners disappear?


    • countrygirl2711 · November 13, 2015

      I hear you sister! Haven’t had any aggressive ones but I’m sure there’ll be some; I may have even riled one guy up tonight! thanks for your post really good to hear someone’s thoughts on it 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

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