The Curse Of Hot n’ Smokey
So after being hit on by COMPLETELY unsuitable men who are old enough to be my father, a lesbian mother and a transvestite, you’d think I may have just thrown in the towel with OKCupid. Well, after reading a good couple of dating books hoping it might give me an insight into where I was going wrong, I decided to stick with it.
I mean there MUST be some great guys out there just waiting to take little old me out on my very first date? Someone I’m attracted to? Who’s got a bit of “Phwoaarrrr” or “How you doin” about them?
Well my luck was about to change, or so I thought…
Casually scrolling through the selection of males on the site…Stops abruptly.
“WOW. He.is.GORGEOUS! A sexual God!”
There he was, lets call him Hot n’ Smokey Joe. He had sexy green eyes that you could just look into and time would stand still. Soft but toned features, great skin, perfectly styled hair. Great smile, pictures showing his sensitive side, I couldn’t fault what I was seeing. He had a short but good profile description, nothing special but he’d already caught my interest. He was the first person since becoming single that had actually excited me! If I had met him in the street I would have probably come out with something as Miranda-esque as “Puncture my Lilo!”
Not letting this opportunity to speak to someone I actually found super sexy pass me by, I decided to take action and say hi. And he replied!
Finally! A conversation with someone I actually like! We talked for a couple of days, and I began to realise that I was most definitely putting in all the work. I was asking all the questions, he wasn’t really asking anything back or showing much interest. One day I asked him how his day had gone, and he shared that he’d had a pretty bad one. Interested in why, I decided to try and get the conversation flowing and get him to do some of the work, so I began with this:
Countrygirl: “Why what happened? Or to cheer you up if you don’t want to tell me, how about you ask me any question you like that you’d like to know about me and I’ll answer honestly”
Smokey Joe: “Hmmm ok how about this ;-)… Would you f*** me?
Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Im sorry what just happened? OH.MY.GOD! Of all the questions in the WORLD he could have asked me that’s what he went with?! I am appalled (and maybe slightly pleased as he obviously finds me attractive right?)!
Now I should probably take this opportunity to mention that I have been known to be quite a prude, and being sexy/doing the whole bed, breakfast, and leave scenario has never really been my thing. In my head, I’d love to be able to be one of those people and have crazy, amazing, free-as-a-bird sex with not a care in the world, releasing my inner sexual goddess! On occasion I’d even like to believe that I could actually go out and do that! But in reality I’m a sensitive soul, and don’t really feel comfortable sharing that part of myself unless I know, trust, and feel comfortable with a person.
However, on this day, I decided to try and leave sensitive country girl behind and become the Saha Fierce to my Beyonce, the Miley Cyrus to my Hannah Montana; I attempted to become the inner sexual goddess that I wished I could be. I decided to step out my comfort zone and be daring…
Internal Countrygirl monologue: “You can do this, it’s only a message on a computer and hey if you don’t like it you can just stop, block him, and go back to being your prudish self. You said you’d be honest, so that’s what you’ve gotta do, you go girl!”
Country girl to Smokey Joe: “Well I said I’d be honest, so…yes, I would 😉 Now my turn; same question to you…”
A few minutes pass and I’m getting nervous.
Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that..Shut up it’s only a bloomin message!..But that was a bit slutty wasn’t it…Oh grow a pair would you?!”
Smokey Joe replies…
Smokey Joe: ” Yes I would”
Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “This is so exciting! Why haven’t I released my inner goddess sooner!”
Smokey Joe: “Til you scream…”
Internal Countrygirl Monologue: “Nope, nope I can’t do this, too much information! Oh dear Lord!”
And that was the end of that.
What I learnt from The Curse of Hot n’ Smokey Joe:
- There are A LOT of guys out there just looking for sex, and not just on Tinder!
- The guys with the hottest pictures are often too good to be true
- Hot guys probably have the pick of the litter and being original, flirty, and hard to get is probably a lot more appealing than putting yourself on a plate.
- I am worth more than just being wanted for a spot of the sex.
- My inner goddess should be on show as much as I want, and with the right person will I will be the best inner goddess EVER.
- A guy needs to work to be with this! (points to self)
- Don’t devalue myself ever again.
- Being flirty is good, being sexual online is not.
- It’s just a bit of fun but don’t give them the movie without the teaser, and the trailer first!
Would love to hear your feedback, opinions, and thoughts so if you’d like to leave a comment below would love to hear from you!
Until next time,