Despite staying on Tinder for a bit of fun, and learning (the embarrassing way) that the vast majority of people just seem to use it for hook ups, I decided to venture into the slightly more serious zone of online dating; an actual dating site! Free mind you, “But hey” I thought, “can’t be any worse than Tinder!”. I wasn’t ready to face paying for a dating site and officially admit I was an online dater, so I figured this was a good introduction…
…How so very wrong I was!
Perhaps it’s just me I don’t know; I have friends who have had decent dates from OKCupid, and get some luck from it. Me however? Well I have no idea what I did but things couldn’t have been more different!
So there I was. I’d chosen some decent photo’s, answered some lovely matchmaking questions to help me see what I had in common with other users, I’d written what I felt was a catchy profile piece; I was all set to go. I could see who had viewed my profile, I could message people that I liked, it seemed on the whole a pretty good free site.
Again as with Tinder there were the usual odd balls who were the typical way-too-old for me males who unfortunately were most definitely not my cup of tea, so they got ignored immediately. After a week or so of being “active” (ahaha! gets me every time now!) things were pretty good.
Then not long after, one random day I get a notification from someone…”ooooooo someone new!” I thought, excited to see who it was. I opened the app, and was faced with…wait for it…Singlemum69 or something to that effect. “Mum? Hang on, she’s female?”
Singlemum69: “Hiya Gorgeous”
Internal Countrygirl monologue: “EW EW EW A LESBIAN MUM HAS HIT ON ME!”
Looks at picture to assess if attractive lesbian in case I decide to convert
Internal Countrygirl monologue: “Oh dear lord…ok nope I’m good with the male variety”
So after swiftly blocking my lady admirer and double, nay, triple checking I hadn’t written I was looking for women in my profile, I put on my enthusiastic cap and went in for round two…
Another day or so passes and low and behold I get another notification. “Things are looking up!” I think. The app once again gets opened, and instead of being greeted with super hot Mr Right as I had hoped, I am faced with a 21 year old, baby faced, asian looking, might-as-well-be-a-teenager!
Loveyoulongtime21: “Hi there, you are so beautiful I love you best please be my girlfriend I treat you right, older men bad for you, need me yes?”
Internal Countrygirl monologue: “Seriously I need someone to take a look at this profile there must be something wrong with it”
A little disheartened once again I dust off the extreme incompatibility of my known suitors/suitesses and decide to persevere. I mean there’s plenty of fish in the sea; OK so I got a couple of sea snails but I bet there’s a Nemo out there to find who’s looking for their Dory.
So I continue on, messaging the odd person, tweaking the profile and answering more matchmaking questions.
Glances at the phone “OKCupid: You have a new message”
Countrygirl monologue: “Ok lets do this!”
I open the app to find not the most original of messages…”Hey”
I look at the name…“Luke”, so far so good.
I look at the picture, and I am faced with a full body selfie taken in the mirror of “Luke” dressed as Lady Lukess of Lukington. Im sorry what?! Are my eyes playing tricks on me?!
Nope, that is definitely a transvestite.