One of my favourite quotes I’ve read since becoming single is “Some things fall apart so better things can come together”, and I’ve never known it to be so true but not for the reasons you might think…
After 9 years of a serious long term relationship that started when I was 17, I suddenly found myself single. A shock? Tell me about it! Looking back now I can see that things weren’t quite right. We started off in love as giddy teenagers, sharing all our first experiences with each other and learning how it felt to be with someone; it was filled with laughter and love, and before we knew it we were best friends.
But over time little alarm bells were going off inside my head. We had different goals in life, different priorities. I’ve always been a get-up-and-go person, whereas he wanted to just sit in and play computer games. I wanted to save for a house, he spent his savings on a motorbike. I wanted to meet his friends, he didn’t want to spend time with mine. We began to drift apart.
In retrospect I had all the warnings laid out in front of me, but I chose to ignore them. I was comfortable, not unhappy but not truly happy either. I was too sacred to be on my own that I would have never have left the relationship. If someone had asked me if I was in love with him, I don’t think I could have honestly said yes. I loved him to the world and back, but I wasn’t in love. My self esteem was so low that I just wanted security in any form. I needed someone to love me because I didn’t love myself.
Then one Saturday, it all collapsed. He walked out of the door, out of my life, forever. I’ve never felt pain or sadness like it; I’d lost my best friend and I knew that there was no going back.
To be honest he did me a massive favour. He was willing to do what I was not in order to make us both happier, and I’m grateful to him for that. Things would have been so much worse if we had bought a house, got married, or even had children. There are no feelings of resentment or bitterness, and despite him literally disappearing off the face of the earth even though we both live in a very small town, I hope that he’s happy.
That was just over a year ago. How different a person I am now to then. How much more I have done with my life since then. I’ve travelled more in the last year than I’ve ever done before. My life is busier seeing friends, doing things for myself, and learning new skills that I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.
This time in my life has been invaluable. It’s given me time to learn to work on myself, to appreciate myself, to love myself; I’d never done that before. It’s taught me to make the most of every moment because life can be taken away in an instant. To love without inhibition my friends and family. It’s given me the space I needed to find who I am again.
And now a year into the land of singledom, I’ve ventured into the realm of online dating. And boy was it not what I was expecting!
This blog is for everyone who hasn’t been on the dating scene in a long time, who doesn’t know what they’re doing, and who have never done the dating thing before like myself.
I’m going to share with you the lessons I’m learning during my ride down the dating river, the funny embarrassing stories, the out of this world first kisses (not to have happened yet but I’m optmistic!), and everything in-between.
Until the next instalment…
Country girl x